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Why do people blow hot and cold?

6 replies

Watermelon221 · 18/06/2021 18:46

Had an awkward moment yesterday which I’m still cringing about.

Ds8 has a fairly cliquey group of parents in his year group. I’ve never felt particularly friendly vibes from anyone, apart from the odd hello and occasional small talk towards me if there is no one else talk to. I have not invested too much energy in trying to be friendly as I have friends who I socialise with outside of school, so tend to drop and go.

I have invited a few of ds’s friends to our house or taken them to the park for a play but this has never been reciprocated as they tend to invite/socialise with their friends’ kids. This does make me a bit sad for ds.

Recently ds has become good friends with another boy in his class who’s mum is also a little bit on the periphery like me. They have a fair bit in common. She has made a lot of effort in speaking with me in the playground, inviting my ds to their house, joining up to one of my ds’s clubs etc. The mum is good company and it’s been nice to have a friendly face to say hello to!

She asked a few times if I wanted to meet for coffee, I said yes that would be nice, but we didn’t arrange a time. I’ve been pretty busy with work, my other dcs and my other friends, so didn’t have many free days.

I was free one day this week, so texted to ask if she was free for a coffee but she said she had another commitment. It was no problem as it was fairly short notice so I arranged to do something else instead.

I saw her in the playground yesterday, went over to say hi, only to be totally blanked/ignored!!!!! She just looked at her phone, didn’t look up at all and blanked me!! I said hi again but the same thing happened, so I sidled away- a bit mortified as I looked
a complete loon to anyone who overheard!

I am still cringing today! I’m not going to lose too much sleep over it, but it did unsettle me a bit, even though I’m a mature, sensible woman who is on dc number 3 and has practically seen it all in the playground.

But my question is (if you’ve managed to get to the end!) why do people do this?

OP posts:
Ess1981 · 18/06/2021 19:03

Hi @Watermelon221

I've been where you are and yes it's SO embarrassing! I was wondering if she had a hearing loss? I only say that because I have one myself and hearing individual voices in a busy place like a park when I'm doing something else (eg on phone) is all but impossible for me. Just wondered Hmm

CasaBonita · 18/06/2021 19:06

some people can be so damn rude.... and weird.

I've met someone like this, went to her house for dinner as our husbands worked together. She was absolutely lovely, very friendly. The next time I saw her, completely blanked me!

My mantra is quite simply - fuck you then.....

I cannot be bothered to play stupid games.

willowtree81 · 18/06/2021 19:08

Good point above. If that's not the case then I just wouldn't have time for someone like this. I guess count yourself lucky you don't have to spend time with people like this/ the main group. -Though disappointing with this mum after such a promising start. I hate this sort of thing! Feel for you. Thanks

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FightingtheFoo · 18/06/2021 19:14

The fact she didn't look up from her phone does suggest she genuinely didn't hear you.

But there are also dicks like this.

I think I would text her - "I saw you in the park yesterday and said hello but I think you didn't hear me?"

Watermelon221 · 18/06/2021 19:16

Thanks all, yes it is really odd. I suppose a bit like being ghosted on a smaller scale.

I’d like to think there was a rational explanation like deafness @Ess1981 but I think she’d have definitely sensed me standing near!

I just cannot fathom that I have done anything to cause it but then the paranoia starts and you question everything about yourself.

It also makes you go into yourself a bit and reduces your self confidence, which is why I really would love a rational explanation!

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 18/06/2021 19:18

I had this chatted to a couple at a neighbors party when I saw the mum at school she blanked me! Weirdo! Didn’t care just thought she was a mannerless oddball.

Even cringier we bumped into her with her dh and he was nice friendly and normal she just stood there like a lemon,

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