Petty query re nanny

[ThomasinaPetty]

This is a very petty one - and maybe even completely ridiculous - but would appreciate some advice.

I do school drop offs and my husband does pick ups.

We have a nanny, a lovely grandmotherly type, to look after our 4 yo DD in the afternoons so we can work.

The problem is, on the days I work from home, I want to stand at the door to welcome DD and the nanny always gets their first (as soon as she hears DH & DD coming down the path) to get a big hug.

She literally blocks the door and I'm stuck hovering behind her like a lemon while she's getting a huge hug off DD.

I know it's great they have a good relationship but I recently went full time and don't have a lot of time to spend with my DD and I'd like to be the one to welcome her home from school when I can. Also DD has sensory issues (being investigated) and isn't very tactile so sometimes doesn't want a hug from me after hugging nanny.

But it is such a petty thing I don't know that I can say anything?

I can't get to the door earlier than her because she literally stands at the window watching for them while I'm working on my computer.

Shove her out of the way? One big push should do it
HTH

Maybe petty maybe not, but your DD and your nanny dime so I'd definitely say something.

Could it be as simple as "It's so sweet you're keen to welcome DD home, but I'd like to be the one to do it. So in future do you want to use the time I welcome her to put her snack together and then I'll bring her through to the kitchen?"?

Don't apologise. Don't explain. No reason you should do either. Just state your wishes clearly and politely.

Two issues:1The nanny is doing her job, looking after your daughter so that you can concentrate on your job! 2 Have you not told her about your daughter's sensory issues?
.

Just noticed the "their" rather than "there"

Arrange for her start a bit later.....even twenty mins.....gives you chance to welcome daughter home from school ask usually after school questions ..then get back to work ?

@Elbie79

Maybe petty maybe not, but your DD and your nanny dime so I'd definitely say something.

Could it be as simple as "It's so sweet you're keen to welcome DD home, but I'd like to be the one to do it. So in future do you want to use the time I welcome her to put her snack together and then I'll bring her through to the kitchen?"?

Don't apologise. Don't explain. No reason you should do either. Just state your wishes clearly and politely.

Thanks I think you're probably right. Trouble is she sometimes just sort of nods along and agrees when I ask her to do something and then doesn't do it, usually because she forgets.

We have told her about the sensory thing (suspected at the moment as we're still waiting for an occupational therapist assessment) but this is one of the things she has conveniently forgotten.

@Lulu1919

Arrange for her start a bit later.....even twenty mins.....gives you chance to welcome daughter home from school ask usually after school questions ..then get back to work ?

I've considered this but it doesn't work for a few boring practical reasons unfortunately

Hmm. I used to nanny, and the number one rule is not to blur the boundaries. Nanny is looking after the kids, or the parents are.

Can she start after 4pm, so you do the greeting?

Or can you save your hug for when you finish work - presumably DD doesn’t see you then; so you could do a “normal” handover, give her a hug and say goodbye to Nanny when you finish work? That’d also space out the hugs for your DD…

To be honest, I much preferred it when the parents I worked for worked away from home for this reason… it’s really hard to guess when they’ll want to be involved; when they don’t, when they’re busy, and then set expectations with the child. It’s easier on everyone, including your daughter, if the lines are clear on who is doing childcare.

Tell her to move.

Say I want to welcome my daughter home move out of the way please you are blocking me.

Say it clearly.

I think she’s overstepping actually.

Just because I'm sure someone will pick up on the "her forgetting" thing and suggest we get a new nanny.

We've had her for a couple of years and she is lovely and also is the only reliable/helpful person in our lives.

(Both my DH's parents have below zero interest in childcare or helping us in any practical way and our nanny has been a God-send. For example when I found out about the death of a friend last year and was up all night crying with DH supporting me we texted and asked if there was any chance she could help us out the next day because we were both exhausted. She literally came round at 8am on a Saturday morning so we could sleep.)

We have told her about the sensory thing (suspected at the moment as we're still waiting for an occupational therapist assessment) but this is one of the things she has conveniently forgotten.

It doesn't sound like she's conveniently forgotten (snide comment) - your daughter doesn't seem to dislike the hug from her if she is happily giving her one every day. It's just you she doesn't want the hug from.

@TakeYourFinalPosition

Hmm. I used to nanny, and the number one rule is not to blur the boundaries. Nanny is looking after the kids, or the parents are.

Can she start after 4pm, so you do the greeting?

Or can you save your hug for when you finish work - presumably DD doesn’t see you then; so you could do a “normal” handover, give her a hug and say goodbye to Nanny when you finish work? That’d also space out the hugs for your DD…

To be honest, I much preferred it when the parents I worked for worked away from home for this reason… it’s really hard to guess when they’ll want to be involved; when they don’t, when they’re busy, and then set expectations with the child. It’s easier on everyone, including your daughter, if the lines are clear on who is doing childcare.

I completely get that. Will consider the later hug. It's just quite a nice break in my day.

@ClaudiaWankleman

We have told her about the sensory thing (suspected at the moment as we're still waiting for an occupational therapist assessment) but this is one of the things she has conveniently forgotten.

It doesn't sound like she's conveniently forgotten (snide comment) - your daughter doesn't seem to dislike the hug from her if she is happily giving her one every day. It's just you she doesn't want the hug from.

DD doesn't always "give" it to her, that's part of the problem. The nanny sort of envelopes her in a hug as DD comes through the door. DD doesn't really have much choice. I guess it's another reason why it annoys me.

DD is sometimes happy to have hugs and sometimes (usually) not. From me or the nanny or anyone else.

Your child, your rules... You want the first hug, you get it, lady!

But... I'm going to be honest here. Your set-up is a bit weird. Why isn't the nanny doing school pick-ups to save your DH the trip? And why would you interrupt your work day, hug your DD, get her all excited to see you and then disappear (and have to work later because of it)?

The advantage to me of having an afterschool nanny would be being able to work my contracted hours without disruption.