Is this messaging odd?

[Moopermoo]

Friend always sends me a WhatsApp along the lines of “how are you”. I respond usually with 24 hrs, usually quicker just whenever I get chance. She then doesn’t reply for about 7 days and says oh sorry I forgot. Every time. Even once recently when I had some sad personal news - nothing for 7 days. This has happened consistently for months now. Recently I didn’t bother to reply - still got another one after 7 days or so. She’s in a group chat with some other girls too and generally doesn’t engage in the chat much/ at all (except to send photos of DC) so I feel rude not replying when she can see I’ve been chatting in that. Is this some weird power thing about getting me to reply to then ignore me? Just finding it all a bit odd…

I would suspect she only asks when she wants something and because you don't answer straight away by the time you do she has found another mug

Thanks, I’m not sure if it’s that as she never asks for anything, even when I have been online and replied pretty quickly. I just don’t really see the point - why message… I don’t initiate anything after months of this going on. Just get frustrated as I always reply as hate to be rude (I feel bad about it if I don’t) but it just seems like a big weird waste of time. It’s the same on the group chat - never responds to anyone else’s news, problems or photos etc which is absolutely fine (no expectations) but then will send about 10 photos of kids in one go (not exaggerating) or a massive message if she needs advice. I don’t get it - must be too old

I'm guilty of this... wants to maintain the friendship maybe struggles with depression/anxiety and replying feels overwhelming sometimes.

Perhaps she is saying hi on the off chance you are around for a chat there and then, and if you aren’t available for 24 hours then maybe the moment for the chat has passed?

@userchanger thanks perhaps that’s it as she has said to me before she suffers from anxiety sometimes, it’s hard to imagine as she’s very capable and lots of friends but i guess people are good at hiding it. @shivermetimbers77 not sure as I’ve replied before straight away if I’m online when the message pops up and regardless if it’s read or not still about a 7 day delay.
Will just keep replying in case it’s an anxiety thing and leave the ball in her court. Not costing me anything to do it I guess just feel a bit silly!

I know exactly what you mean! Her name doesn't begin with a C does it I didn't understand either, and I thought is it some control thing? But actually, think it's just something they do. I no longer speak to her now (no falling out or anything) and honestly, I prefer it. I would simply rather none of us bother than go through that rigmarole each time. Weird.

I’m afraid I do this sometimes OP. I just want to check in on a friend and let them know I’m thinking of them, but may then get caught up in something else and not be able to follow through with a conversation at the time. It only takes a three year old demanding something to break your two minutes of peace. Or whatever. Give your friend the benefit of the doubt. Better she’s thinking of you at all and checking in than not making contact at all, surely?

Taking 24 hours to respond to someone is very rude when in this day and age everyone has there phones on them constantly and checking. Takes 1 min to reply to someone.

As people have said in previous threads, a WhatsApp message is a request for someone’s time, that doesn’t mean you can or have to reply straight away, think it’s fine if it takes OP a while to respond and also find if it takes her friend a while to get back. Some people get a lot of WhatsApp messages, if they replied to all of them straightaway they’d be spending all their time messaging. I often have to wait til post 9pm kids in bed to get back to people.
But OP I think it’s significant that your friend isn’t on the group chat much either, suggests that she doesn’t have time/inclination for lots of WhatsApping, which makes me think even more than it’s nothing to do with control- the fact that that was a conclusion that crossed your mind says more about how you view the friendship than anything else.

I knew a girl like this and our friendship eventually has fizzled out. How could it survive when there was no conversation or interaction. Sending one text every few weeks isn't maintaining contact, eventually it just becomes an annoyance.

Try and reply straight away and see if that helps.

I did used to reply within a couple of hours or so to begin with depending on work, children etc but then just felt so silly when it took another 5-7 days type to get anything back so I deliberately started delaying the response a bit. @NCwhatsmynameagain I see what you are saying and totally get people are just not into messaging but what confuses me is she always initiates it. I think @romdowa this will probably go the same way as you say it’s not really achieving anything. @FairyDust123456 no name doesn’t begin with a C ha, but yes starting to feel the same

But just reading what I’ve just written and the fact it’s now all so calculated on my part to delay responding has made me realised firstly that I’m being petty but also I’d rather this all fizzled out

If you’re not getting anything from the friendship then absolutely let it go. So long as it’s not because of her pattern of messaging. She’s thinking about you, hence initiating contact, but is crap at following up. This is me (maybe I’m your friend!) but in my case it certainly doesn’t come from a bad place, friends have to give each other the benefit of the doubt, none of us are perfect