My son is being WENDIED

[WeIcomeToGilead]

How do I help him?

He’s 11, a new boy has joined in September and DS took him under his wing.... now the child has basically got himself into his friendship group .... and is turning his friends against him - friends if three and four years standing. He’s been relaxed basically and his friends don’t seem to be bothered which is quite sad.

Secret sleepovers
Leaving him out very blatantly
In jokes

No idea what to do.

He’s miserable and this should be a happy time for him, leaving primary school.

Any ideas?

He is being replaced not relaxed

Does he organise anything with his friends?

Ah that's hard. Are they all going to same secondary school? Why are some people so mean? Adults can be just as bad.

Also maybe organise an end of year social and just invite the original crew?

Unless this kid has a gun to their heads, his 'friends' are nothing of the sort.

They're teaming up with a bully against someone who's been their friend.my advice is tell your son that that kind of 'friend' is one he can do without and to try to build friendships with other kids.

They're not friends then. Real friends have your back.

Yeah I know

To the outside he seems gregarious and very uninhibited with them

But really they just turn a blind eye to this child who is busy sucking up to the leader of the group who was formerly his best chum

I’m organising stuff other chums over the weekend

Are eleven year olds normally so poor at standing up for each other? I would have thought not!

Well hopefully he'll meet some new mates in year 7. His best mate sounds a bit useless.

Organise something and invite one or more of the original group.

Friendship groups change as they grow. They'll be meeting a whole load of new kids at secondary... You have so many kids, from many different primary schools. He'll no doubt be in different classes to his primary friend too.

Because of the school set up here, yes he will be with them all in a pretty small secondary school

I could see his best friend trying to disengage himself over a few months and frequently prompted him to focus on other chums really

I’ve also tried to instigate things and it’s been like pulling teeth

At that age friendships can change a lot. It is hard to see though so you have my sympathies.

A lot of friendship changes happen near the end of year 6 because the children are changing and preparing for the move to secondary. Don't worry too much about it and encourage him to keep an open mind to his friends. He'll definitely make new friends in year 7 and he'll probably fall back in with the old ones soon enough. By the end of this school year they'll probably be friendly again anyway.

Don't organise something that leaves the new boy out, it helps no one.

@BetterThanKleenex

No I’d never do that, neither would he! But I could see a while ago the best friend suddenly becoming articulate and confident and popular and I could completely see my son trailing in his wake.

This year, I’ve encouraged him to focus more on his other friends within the group - they’re nice boys - but seemingly blind to Wendy.

He’s good at standing up for himself and that’s brought

[quote WeIcomeToGilead]@BetterThanKleenex

No I’d never do that, neither would he! But I could see a while ago the best friend suddenly becoming articulate and confident and popular and I could completely see my son trailing in his wake.

This year, I’ve encouraged him to focus more on his other friends within the group - they’re nice boys - but seemingly blind to Wendy.

He’s good at standing up for himself and that’s brought[/quote]
Good, a pp suggested it and I've seen it make things worse before! I'm sure your son will catch up, they change so quickly at that age it won't be long before you'll be thinking how articulate, confident and popular your son is.

You might find towards the end of term they get a bit closer- the kids always get more soppy and friendly towards the end of school. And by the start of next term the old friends will cling together at the new school