Question for shift working couples...

[JorisBonson]

DH and I are both emergency services. Been together for 6 years and have been extremely lucky to have every Christmas together, especially last year when we were in lockdown and it was just us (and our first married Christmas). No kids.

DH will be working for the next 2 Christmases, I won't be (not this one anyway). This Christmas he is 12 hour night shifts throughout.

What do other couples do in this scenario? I bloody love Christmas, DH makes the effort for me but is a bit humbug-y. My family are all in Scotland and I'd rather spend it with them than be at home alone but feel bad leaving him.

And a BIG SORRY for talking about Christmas in June.

Well I would go and spend time with family in Scotland and leave DH to work if he doesn't mind. If he's on nights over Christmas, he'll either be at work or asleep most of the time anyway.

Then try and find a day or two some time between mid December and mid January to have a Christmas meal together, exchange presents and anything else you want to do - or even eat out, lots of places do celebratory meals throughout December and are much more reasonably priced if not actually on Christmas or Boxing Day. So have 'Christmas' at a time that you are both available, it doesn't have to be on the actual day, and it sounds like he'll be between night shifts anyway.

We have kids so it's different. If I'm on nights, we'll do presents as soon as I get back from work and I'll stay up till 12pm and we'll have an early lunch and then I go to bed till teatime before going to work again whilst oh plays with the kids or they go and visit local family

If we didn't have kids, I'd just go and visit family and do a "fake" Christmas day with oh another day when we were both off. I'd be happy for my oh leave me rather than him be on his own for most of the day, whilst I slept, I'd just come home from work, have some nice food and sleep all day before work again.

Yeah I think I'll spend it at my dad's. I feel bad for his family as obviously they didn't see either of us last year - we had planned a big boxing day with them.

I'll think leave lots of nice things for him and do another day as suggested.

If he doesn't mind then go to your family.

But if he is working nights then we would presumably be around for a chunk of Christmas day to spend it together.

In truth, I'd be upset to spend Christmas day alone just because I'm working for some of it. Could you have family visit you so you have company but he still has someone to spent time with before his shift?

@Stompythedinosaur he is one of those people who genuinely doesn't care about Christmas, whereas I get really into it. Being on my own at Christmas would be a nightmare, whereas he's not bothered at all.

When he works night to night he'll sleep for as long as possible anyway, and generally doesn't get up until about 1/2pm.

I have had to work Christmas in the past (I'm not shift work, but just happened that there was something urgent that needed to be dealt with). In this case, we were planning Christmas at home, dc was still too tiny to know what day was what. So we just did Christmas on Boxing Day, which was fine. If there was an option, I'd go myself to do Christmas with family and then come back home that evening or next morning and do Christmas again together as a couple/family.

I like Christmas (oddly enough, I'm Jewish, so it's just a cultural feasting holiday for me), but I don't think you can do it enough, so Christmas 1 and Christmas 2 is fine. Personally, I'm often quite fussy about doing my own Christmas dinner anyway, so even if we go to family for Christmas, I do it again (minus gifts obviously) later in the week.

Any excuse to have a second Christmas is fine by me!

DH works 12 hour shifts with an hour's commute each way so when he's at work he has very little time at home anyway.

Or in your case, as family are far away, why not go to your family and then he can drive/fly up to join to on Boxing Day?

@mindutopia he's working boxing day night too... So I'll probably fly up Xmas Eve morning and come back early on the 27th.

If DH is working then not much use you being home, spend it with the family I say x

14 years together, we've just muddled along. If he has Christmas off then that's great, if not then I generally go to family and leave him home alone.

When DH works Christmas, I take the kids to my mum's but we try and spend a bit of the day together, depending on whether he is working days or nights. But I think in the scenario where your family are a long way away, go and see them if your partner won't mind. Then we have a 'second Christmas' together as a family whenever he is off work, it's actually really nice to celebrate on a different day, it feels special.somehow