Do you think you can change negative aspects of your personality!

[1990s]

My default view is negative and to complain when something is hard.

I keep thinking that moaning never helps. I'd love to be the strong and silent type.

Do you think it's possible to train yourself to be different?

You can learn to manage differently, to keep your thoughts to yourself. You can practice it by taking a day to not complain out loud?

No. I think optimisim and negativity are a scale and everyone is somewhere on it. I don't think negativity is always bad- it can mean being aware of the risks and losses in a decision, whereas optimists can underplay those. I'm an optimist and I'm trying to learn to be more realistic.

Complaining is different though- when I notice myself complaining I try and bring myself back to self care and focusing on what I can control (or just hanging in there until it either gets better, goes away or a solution presents itself...sometimes its just time).

@dudsville

You can learn to manage differently, to keep your thoughts to yourself. You can practice it by taking a day to not complain out loud?

I think this is what I need to do. Guess it does take practice!

@MistySkiesAfterRain

No. I think optimisim and negativity are a scale and everyone is somewhere on it. I don't think negativity is always bad- it can mean being aware of the risks and losses in a decision, whereas optimists can underplay those. I'm an optimist and I'm trying to learn to be more realistic.

Complaining is different though- when I notice myself complaining I try and bring myself back to self care and focusing on what I can control (or just hanging in there until it either gets better, goes away or a solution presents itself...sometimes its just time).

Reminding myself it needs time is probably a good way to start on keeping complaining inside.

I think if you are aware of negative traits then you can muzzle them. (If that's the right word). And self awareness is a really good start. I'm aware that I'm fairly blunt and gobby - and do occasionally temper this with tact.

I think a lot of people don't realise they are arseholes, though.

I'm more of an optimist around my very negative OH. I counter it and cannot stand his bleak view on life, and he mostly being sit on himself. But with certain friends I have to stop myself being negative and say to them "even I'm bloody bored of me so goodness knows how you feel!" and I'll bring myself out of it.

I definitely believe you can chan your negative traits, it takes a lot of work and every day requires effort but it can be done. It’s so easy to slip into your old ways thought isn’t it? I would like to be more affectionate and loving and not so robotic and matter of fact. Over the years I feel myself turning more and more into stone! I never used to be like this tho x

Ugh I hate typos- why can’t mumsnet give the option to edit a post!

I've found keeping a gratitude diary really helpful. It involves writing 3 examples of positive things that happened during the day. It can be really small things like enjoying a nice meal, enjoying a cuddle with dc, watching a nice TV programme or whatever. It helps me to view life through a more positive lense, when I am not particularly positive by nature.

Therapy. Mindfulness. If your thoughts change, your behaviour changes. I was a terrible pessimist. I'm a little ray of sunshine now.
Really.
It's embarrassing.

Example: Saw a cobweb in the house. Thought "Ooh, that's an opportunity to use a lovely feather duster!" Fucking Pollyanna, me.

Yes it is possible to change. I know because I’ve worked really hard to do so!

I have inherited some of the worst parts of my parents personalities - my dad’s cruel humour and my mum’s negative attitude.

BUT - by the time I was about 23 or so I had realised that what pissed me off about them, was also part of my personality - and I didn’t like it. Not one bit. So I worked really hard to just not be like that?!

It’s hard to explain. But it starts by just pausing before making that joke or making that comment of doom and gloom. Do anything enough and it becomes habit - so for me now, I do sway towards the more optimistic (mostly!) and am able to rein in the bad jokes.

It is perfectly possible but takes time. I spent the first 10 years of my 20 year marriage telling my DH to please stop whinging and complaining all the time and the message eventually got through!