Child friendships

[Galaxy27]

Just looking for a bit of advice, my daughter who is 8 has come home with a letter from another girl in her bag, the kid said to her on the way out, does your bag feel heavier, iv left a surprise in for you, so the letter says, I’m sorry that we will never be friends, I want friends I don’t argue with, if you slept at mine it wouldn’t end well, sry if this makes you feel bad, right, I know kids can fall out, but this kid plays online games with my daughter out of school, but has always had a little thing against her, right from nursery, my daughter says she’s ok, but I think that’s a very sly thing to say and do, should I speak to the school, let it go or tell my daughter not to play with her, because sometimes they do play together, but she’s wrote it in black and white that she doesn’t want to be her friend, so why should my daughter go with whatever she feels like that day, but if I say don’t be her fiend, would my daughter or me be branded cruel 🤯 I hate all this, but am not happy with the way she’s left a sly note, can kids of 8 really be sly or am I just being an overprotective mum

I would want to know about this as a teacher. Friendship is a difficult thing to navigate for girls of that age, they are no longer little children who happily play with whoever is doing something that looks fun and are starting to jostle for position, which also includes trying to control others by drawing them in or excluding them. It’s an unkind note, but also sounds like it’s the sort of thing the girl has seen done on some sort of programme involving teenagers in an American high school, I would want to make sure she knew this was not ok and also look at the wider issue of friendship with the whole class, talking about how we make everyone feel included and valued and that we can make choices (about things like who we invite round for a play date or sleepover) but we need to be sensitive to everyone’s feelings and ensure we don’t make others feel bad in the way we express ourselves.

In terms of how your dd deals with the situation, I would ask her what she wants to do. She could decide to talk to the girl and tell her how the note made her feel, she may decide to take it at face value and avoid the girl, either way I would want to let the teacher know about the note and them what your daughter’s has decided to do.

Thank you, my daughter seems fine if I’m honest, but she’s like that anyway, but I know she’d play with her if this kid asked her to, but then drop her soon as she felt like, they had a tiff today because my daughter said bugs were ugly (there was a few beetles in the playground) and this kid said how would you feel if that was someone saying it about you 🙄 regarding the note, I suppose I’d want to know if my child was doing that, I think it’s quite weird if I’m honest

I will speak to the teacher about it tho, as I do t want my daughter to feel weird around her, but at the same time, don’t want to make a big issue over it, incase that’s worse, as I said my daughter said she was fine, but didn’t know why she’d give her that note

I will add tho, my daughter is not a follower, and has her own mind, regarding what games they play etc, and will say so if she feels everyone’s just listening to one person and what they want to play, she doesn’t want to be miss popular, so maybe it’s something to do with that, some kids don’t like it when another says different, just would like to nip it in the bud now

I would mention it to the teacher - it is unkind. And I'd cut the online play tbh and concentrate on other friendships.

If you're in the uk I'm guessing your DD is in yr3 or 4? Both my girls had friendship issues in those years and was told by teachers that it can be a tricky time especially for girls. They discover that friendship can be used for/against other kids.
Talk to school and they should be able to help.

Yes, year 3, I think it’s unkind as well, words hurt, but would a child of 8 know that their words aren’t right, she starts with dear (my daughters name) then says sorry before she says they’ll never be friends, and if she slept it would go well, what’s all that about?? She’s never been for play date with her never mind sleeping over, its a very confusing letter, and wonder if her mum knew she wrote it, her mum does give me a look sometimes, let’s on when she feels like it, so god k it’s what she says to her, So feel like I should air it out with her as well

*wouldnt

Do you monitor the online games? Are they chatting to one another in this way as well?

No, they play ok on the games, it’s roblox they play, but if one of her friends joins who doesn’t know my daughter, she will say she’s got to go and my daughter can’t play cos the other girls mum doesn’t know her, which may be true so my daughter just says ok

I want to say to my daughter, don’t be her friend, ignore her, but that’s not the right thing to do nowadays, and my daughter would probally get accused of being mean, I’m gonna speak to treacher tonorrow and show him the letter, and go from there

Yes I monitor her, she plays in the living room, so I can hear what’s getting said, and what games they’re playing

I have said to her not to play online with her anymore