Worried about socialising after baby

[Tiredmummy2021]

Opinions please

My little one is 10 months old and is a total lockdown baby .... v clingy. . We have no family nearby so the past 10 months have pretty much been me and him and his dad (who works long hours). I am primary care giver and my little one is very attached to me. (Btw i am trying to slowly introduce him to things post lockdown eg swim classes lunch out but he gets a little nervous and clings to me...WIP)..

Anyways now places are opening up my friends want me to out for dinner and drinks. The thing is i just dont feel ready.

This would mean leaving my husband to do bedtime routine n settle my LO ( who has recently just started sleeping through the night). My LO is a high needs baby and whilst my hubby plays with him hes quite a hands off dad and has never done bedtime alone altho he does help each night. (Eg it takes two of us to put on his bedtime nappy as hes like a Jack in the box at night.) My LO is v intense and fidgeting and difficult before bed and ive only recently established a routine that helps calm him but he is a handful .

My friends wont take no answer and have booked dinner for 7 next week. I am close to them n they also have babies around 1 but their husbands r much more hands on and regularly do bedtime.plus i think their babies are easier tbh.

In my heart of hearts i dont want to leave my LO before bed. Im worried he wont go to sleep for his dad, that he will cry when i go that he will up early if his ususal routine is disrupted. Im worried i wont enjoy dinner thinking about them.

Im tempted to tell them ill meet them for a coffee after dinner once my LO is in bed.

Am i being pathetic to feel like this? Has anyone else felt this way?

I was v v social before baba n never thought id feel like this at 10 months but i think lockdown has sort of intensified things a bit.

Tbh so far DH hasnt hasnt had one night out either since LO was born ...so yes he does help me every night altho never done full bedtime or settled him to sleep

As my LO has been difficult to get into good sleep patterns and im finally having some success with his sleep i am worried one night of something different might muck it up

Re lions share comment we agreed first yr that DH cud continue to focus on his career on a promotion that he now has as he didnt want to agree to baby before he really felt ready to put career on hold..freedom comment ironically related to work rather than nights out (he worked 9 to 9 for some time 5 days a wk before getting promoted but things have settled now)

I am just trying to explain how things have ended up with me being primary care giver and bedtime settler altho to be honest i think a portion of woman are in similar positions.

I have been firing off msgs quickly today whilst LO sleeps or is in playpen so i prob havent been particularly careful about what ive said at times in terms of explaining our situation n why im worried about a night out lol!

Anyways thanks for the comments. I think maybe i do need a night out but i might see if they can.push dinner later like ppl suggested. I hate being awkward friend n asking them to change times etc but prob not unreasonable in this instance.

Thanks everyone

freedom comment ironically related to work rather than nights out (he worked 9 to 9 for some time 5 days a wk before getting promoted but things have settled now)

There's nothing ironic about that, though. Once you have a child, being able to put in those kinds of hours is an unbelievable luxury for most people.

It's a cop out when dads don't do bed time etc as the baby is 'high needs' or 'only settles for you'
If anything god forbid happened and you needed to go to hospital he would HAVE to parent his own child. He needs to learn

And trust me my ds3 was the definition of a high needs child if my DH didn't pull his weight I would have prob topped myself he was such hard work