Anyone ever had that urge to just run away for a few days and done it?

[YouHaveNoAuthorityHereJackie]

Starting by saying that yes I’m at the end of my tether. My DH is normally very good and yadda yadda. It’s obviously been a hard year for everyone but I was struggling before, our toddler has been difficult since birth and we have no help, the older dcs behaviour in the last week has been appaling. My mum ended up in hospital last week seriously ill though thankfully seems fine now. I came down this morning to a freezer door that had been left open and all the food ruined. I feel like I’ve snapped. Just done. The urge to just drop everything and go away has hit me like a wall. I just want to leave, sleep, have no one want anything from me. Which I know won’t change anything in the long run but I feel I’m at the limit, passed the limit to be honest. Has anyone actually done it? I can’t remember the last time I actually had even an hour to myself. If for whatever reason I have a spare half hour I’ll end up doing laundry or cleaning or something but not for me. I don’t even know what I’d do with myself, where I’d go. But I feel like the thought of another night in this house is intolerable.

I've booked myself a road trip in about a month's time, and I'm more excited for that than my holiday with DH!

I don't suppose anyone has a recommendation for a one night stay between Durham and Birmingham? There's a hole in my itinerary....

Depends on your budget but the Peak District might be a good fit and I have always wanted to stay here…the food is fantastic and people I know who have stayed say it is lovely. I am waiting for a Big Birthday.

www.losehillhouse.co.uk/home-full?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIoaXUsJOc8QIVieFRCh3iaQibEAAYASAAEgI_w_D_BwE

Great plan and now you have something to look forward to. Breaks are so important and sometimes you just have to book them if you can for sanity sake.

Just do it OP! If u can afford it then why not?
You don't need to reach a peak of rage or desperation to justify it?

Book it!! I have done this a couple of times.

Pre dc I used to go on holiday by myself for a week and it was bliss. I didn’t tell anyone I was going alone and people just assumed I was with someone else.

Since having dc I dream about running away but the thoughts of what I’d have to deal with when I came back make me stay put.

I’ve broached the idea of going away for a couple of nights with dh but he thinks he’s included and I haven’t the heart to tell him I want to get away from him too. He’s pretty good about me going away with other people without him.

I’ve found people are really odd about it. If you go away with someone else that’s fine- but go alone and it’s a personal rejection.

Why did you have more than one kid?
Why are your older DCS not doing chores?
From the age of 8 I was responsible for all tidying, dusting, hoovering, bathroom cleaning.

It sounds awful and stressful for you, you deserve a break.

Perhaps I didnt explain well.
She dropped her kids off, and disappeared.
Nobody knew where she was or what had happened.
She hadn't planned it; I suppose you could say it was "on a whim".

I have 3 nights booked in a nice hotel in London next week. Ok, I have to work from 9-5 but I am SO looking forward to the evenings of solitude - to go on walks, have supper in a restaurant with a book for company, sold control of the tv remote, long baths etc etc.

It still might do you good though to get away for a night (better planned!!). Look into a hotel night and tell H you need this.

I have ‘caught the flu’ and taken to my bed on occasion. It means everyone else has to step up and I am always asleep if they come up with a question. Its not as relaxing as being on the beach on my own, but a lot easier to pull off

Why did I have more than 1 kid? On days like this I find myself asking the same question but honestly that’s not very helpful. They’re here and I love them. The last one had been a shock to the system as I’ve never known such a high needs child and tbh that’s a lot of the problem. I feel I’ve lost a lot of the resilience I’ve built up over the years as I’ve just been beaten down by the never ending demands of her. She screamed for pretty much her whole first year. Still won’t nap anywhere apart from the pushchair which means going out in all weathers. She’s a ball of never ending energy and I’ve not had chance to catch my breath in 2 years. And that’s with a DH who more than pulls his weight. The time away from her I managed to get this morning has never happened before, and I offered to pay my older dd for it. I’ve very much been of the opinion that my children are MY children and I don’t want the older ones feeling responsible for the younger ones as I don’t think that’s fair. But just the opportunity to have a conversation and meal without having to have one eye on her was fantastic. I’m feeling low again now, a bit teary and tbh I do intend to get away, sooner rather than later but perhaps a tad less dramatically than I planned to do this morning. I’ve been overwhelmed before but never had the urge to just drop everything and run as far as I could in the other direction. I honestly think if I hadn’t had plans that involved a lift from another person I’d probably have got on the first train.

I think you probably need to schedule regular time away, if you can, even if it's just for a few hours.
It's self care.

Yes! Flew off to a small island and spent a week in the sunshine. Left the family a note and contact details. DH then sent a silly fax with an embarrassing amount of kisses on it to the hotel ( was in the days of faxes !) I felt so much better after it.

I did as close as I could to this twice. The first time was when my dc1 was 18 months and it had been a very difficult 12 months with undiagnosed issues with him affecting sleep, huge problems with inlaws, I was completely overworked and exhausted. I got up early one morning, finished up what work I had (self employed), then packed a bag for me and dc and went to my mum's 3 hours away. Dh said to do whatever I needed to do, I stayed there for 2 weeks where mum minded dc1 and I slept, ate her homemade food, walked, thought, relaxed. I think I came back briefly then went there again for another few weeks but I can't remember exactly.

Another time about 3 more years later I went to a hotel for a weekend with my mum, left dh happy out with our by then 2 dc, and slept, ate, drank wine, did touristy things. I do it every year or two now to a hotel with a friend or mum, such a great break every time.

@YouHaveNoAuthorityHereJackie, I'm glad you got a break this morning. It sounds really hard with your lo. Children don't come with a handbook and it's hard work.
I hope things get better for you. You sound like a great mum.

Agatha Christie

I've done it loads of times. Booked a nice hotel and did things by myself or met up with friends. DH totally fine with it and I'm fine with him going away by himself

I’ve not “run away” but I’ve been at the end of my rope with various stresses and gone away for a couple of nights to concentrate on some work that I needed to do and spent my days writing and hiking.
DH and I both travelled regularly for work pre Covid and made no secret of the fact a peaceful night or three to sleep was a gift to us sleep deprived parents! It also means we are both fully prepared to cope with house and kids alone for a few nights.

Before now I've booked a hotel room with bath robe and slippers, had a bath with no interruptions. Ordered room service, watched TV and gone to bed early.

Bliss

OP paying some money for older ones to look after the youngest sounds like a good idea. Even just an hour here and there, as long as older don't mind.
Can you sometimes get a baby sitter for a few hours? Give them to family members?

I find that even just thinking about an escape - really planning what you could do - can be a good release.

It's partly the feeling of being trapped, of having no choice but to keep going, which is the problem. If you allow yourself to imagine and plan an escape, then you generally naturally choose to continue your every-day, and feel better because it's a choice you've made.

ooh ,spot on raindrops

I think that’s a really good point @Raindropsonrosesand. I actually feel much better today, yesterday I suddenly felt very very ill with a fever and chills, and have been able to spend most of today in bed. Have had a negative test so I think I am just extremely run down. I’ve been idly looking at places to stay and things to do and I just can’t really think what I’d do if I COULD get away. Even the little break that being poorly has given me has let me take a breather. I am serious about getting away just by myself though, and it’ll definitely be in the next few weeks, having stepped back a little I can see just how absolutely maddened by everything I was the other day and I don’t want to get to that level of desperation again.