Is a career realistic after SAHM for nearly 20 years?

[birthdayboris]

I left full time employment 19 years ago to start a home business that I could do around my kids.

I was fairly successful for a few years but over time my focus went from having a thriving business to being at home more and it gradually petered out. When clients naturally left I didn't make an effort to replace them, and needing a new challenge after a while I started writing a blog which was great for my creativity but it didn't make any money.

I slipped into being a SAHM which I hadn't planned but I have been basically happy at home and have a supportive husband who is the breadwinner.

Now I'm at a place in life where my children are independent. One in university, the other finishing up school. I'd like to do something for me now. Try to get back a life outside of the home but I'm scared.

I have a fear that the world has moved on without me and that I'm not up to the speed of a workplace anymore. I am a good communicator and capable, organised, conscientious etc and I know that once I get into a job again that after a few weeks or months I'll feel back in the swing of things again and wonder what I worried about. But right now I feel stuck.

I see manager level roles that would've been my next step, had I not come off the ladder but I think it's unrealistic for me to think I can get back on at the same rung I left on after all this time. Plus, I think I'm only looking at these roles out of vanity. I don't want a high power, high responsibility job that would stress me out. But I also don't want to take on 'any old job' and find that I'm bored stiff or regretting my decision.

What do I do? Has anyone else had such a long time out of the workplace and gotten back in successfully? I'm in my late 40s and I feel like I have to get back to work now or I'll be too old. I know how silly this sounds but I don't mean that the employer will think I'm too old. I mean that my confidence will continue to reduce the longer I'm out. Any advice?

I think you have to start with what you actually want to do.

What job were you in before/what was your business in? No, you are not going to be able to apply for the roles you would have been able to apply for before a twenty year break. So the question is really whether you want to go back to what you were doing, albeit on a lower rung, or do something else entirely. With no financial or childcare needs you could do a new degree, or do an apprenticeship - the world is your oyster really.

There is nothing quite like a new qualification for boosting a middle-aged dip in confidence, forming new professional connections and really getting up to speed with the way things work right now. It also obviously gives you a freshly impressive CV to present to potential employers.

Perhaps something in the same field as your dormant business? Or whatever. It's relatively ... straightforward to get onto a postgrad degree, even if it's in an area far removed from a long ago first degree or other postgrad/professional qualifications - as long as you can show some recent activity in the proposed subject.

That would be my top suggestion. It opens so many doors.

Thank you, both of you for your thoughts.
I hadn't actually considered doing a new qualification, so this is something to think over.

My thoughts were to go back to my old career (before the business) but on a lower rung. Because it's what I know.

But I would like a change of scene so I will give your ideas some thought.

Can you find any voluntary work that requires a similar skill set to what you used in your old career? That might help you to build experience and confidence for a year or so, and then you could look for a paid position.

What industry were you in? Is there an industry newsletter you could get reading to get you up to date?
How are your IT skills, has a new software become standard in that time that a quick crash course would be beneficial for

The thing is, after nearly two decades it's highly unlikely you'd be a competitive candidate in your former career - even at a much lower rung of the ladder. Just think of the thousands of younger people all trying to push their own way into that lower rung job.

You honestly will need fresh skills and experience to have much hope of a job that you'd find at all satisfying. Also, (and I don't know what qualifications you already have, so this isn't intended to be at all patronising), going back to university / conservatoire / art school / horticultural college / etc as a middle aged person is the most enormous fun. Even if you're absolutely terrified and the first few months nearly kill you - once you get the hang of what's expected you'll find you fly past your half-your-age fellow students. Simply because you're more motivated and frankly, better at life. And that sense of achievement is so exhilarating. (It also impresses partners and gobsmacked teen children.)

Some grown-up students have oodles of money and can do this without a thought. But anyone with a first degree (and without a prior second degree) can get a government postgraduate loan to cover the fees for a legitimate course.

Is there any particular thing you might be interested in?

Some of our best hires have actually been mums coming back from a career break instead of young people fresh from college/uni. I think it's because they have some life experience behind them. I'd second trying to get some work experience or training or even an online course to sharpen skills in the area you're interested on. It looks great on the CV but also will boost your confidence. Go for it x

I went back after 11 years. I went to the same role at the same level as previously. And hated it. Lots of things had changed and although I’d kept myself up to date with technical knowledge (needed to maintain membership of a chartered institution so read the periodicals etc), I was out of the environment.
After a couple of years I stopped to do a PGCE. As the poster above said, returning to study is fabulous. Hard work but fabulous. It’s absolutely true that as an adult you’re better at navigating life than many younger students, so you can manage the course better, plus hugely motivated to do a good job of everything.
I’d really recommend more up to date qualifications!

Thanks for all your comments.

The industry I was in is Public Relations. I did consumer PR. I always liked the forward momentum nature of this industry, there's was always something to learn and it never felt like I was doing tasks for 'box ticking' reasons, (which would drive me nuts!) There was always a purpose to it. But after this long, I don't feel the raw drive I once had to be a high flier.

Nowadays, I'd love to be a valued member of the team and making a contribution, but I'd be happy with that, to be able to switch off at the end of the day. So if I go to an interview and they say "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" I'm not sure how to answer that. Would they ask that anymore? It was certainly a popular question twenty years ago!

Do workplaces these days value nice, solid people who will do a good job but with no desires to move up the ranks?

Do workplaces these days value nice, solid people who will do a good job but with no desires to move up the ranks?

I can't answer for PR, but when we recruit we basically want someone to do the job that's required in the job description. Being cynical, we would probably be quite happy with someone who was just happy to spend the next 20 years doing the same job to a good standard as it would mean we didn't have to worry about things like recruiting/training up new people/sharing knowledge etc.

Again, can't answer for PR but all our questions are competency based e.g. give an example of when you had to manage a stressful situation. So it's possible that you may be able to answer some of these type questions from personal/non job situations. But I suggest you'd want to bump up recent experience, perhaps from volunteering or temporary/contract type jobs.

Thank you @UserAtRandom. That's really helpful.

Have a look on the Charity Job website. There are loads of PR/Comms roles with charities and a lot of them are flexible/part time/remote (if that’s what you’re after). There are also a lot of FTC roles floating around at the moment.

It could be a good way to get back into it - you could even think about a voluntary role initially if you don’t need the money and just want to get back into “work mode”.

Thanks @ToryStelling. I'll look into that.
I feel so much more positive after this thread. I was really quite terrified!

If you had your own business why can’t you go back to that? I presume it was PR related? Do you still have connections. I feel it’s a world full of connections.
If you don’t then perhaps it’s time to branch out to pastures new. I have a friend who qualified as a doctor in their 50s.

I’m sure as a sahp that you had outside interests? I also had a friend who trained as a garden designer.