Tell me about relaxed weddings.

[DuzzyFuck]

Posting here blatantly for the traffic; my wonderful DP proposed to me last week, so despite once swearing I'd never marry again (after a short and abusive first marriage) here I am with a wedding to plan!

Please tell me about the best, most relaxed & fun weddings you've been to, or any details of weddings that stuck out to you as being special. Alternatively, tell me of your bad experiences to avoid.

We've no idea whether to invite a couple of mates to the pub and then bundle them to the registry office to be witnesses, go all out with a big celebration for all our friends, or somewhere in between.

The only thing we know we DON'T want is a formal day in a fancy hotel, as that's what I had the last time and while I thought it was my style back then, it's definitely not our style now.

I think you should imagine what your best day out with your mates would be and plan a wedding around that. My friend's rented a church hall (cheap) with a pot-luck dinner (super-cheap!) and had lots of games and jokes then a ceilidh (Scotland). At 10 the kids and oldies went home and we went to a pre-booked nightclub and danced. It was awesome. I had a mid-morning ceremony with drinks and snacks outside and then we invited 50 people out for a really nice lunch. The day was over by 6pm and it was so much fun.
I didn't go to this wedding but my neighbour got married up the hill in the park near our house. She had 6 people attending and wore a second-hand dress with bright green sequined trainers. They came down from the ceremony and shared drinks and food in their house. It sounded a really lovely day.
Congratulations!

Thank you! They all sound like great weddings

I really like the idea of a day-only event. One of my least favourite things about 'traditional' weddings is when everyone starts to flag in the evening but there's pressure to keep the dance floor full.

We eloped! 2 weeks ago and it was perfect. We are due to have a party in a few weeks but looks like we will have to change our plans because it's before the restrictions end (if the gossip is true) we will probably do a BBQ at home, lots of food, friends, music and booze!

We had a really informal wedding. It was in a church but with the world's most laid back vicar. It was just us and 9 of our closest friends (and our DC) we then went to a local bistro cafe for afternoon tea and fizz and then on to the local pub for a few drinks. DH and I then went to a hotel for the night just the two of us. It was absolutely perfect.

We had a cheesy disco that got all up dancing.

I love weddings. Big, small, formal, casual.... doesn't matter. I am not usually a particularly soppy or romantic or sentimental person, but there's something about two people making a public commitment to each other that gets me every time. And I can honestly say the only thing that ever makes weddings less good, is if the bride and groom aren't relaxed. Whether that's because they're stressing about details that don't matter or whether it's because they're doing something they're not comfortable with.... it is the single factor in a good wedding vs a less good one for me.

So do what works for you, and, as much as possible, roll with the punches if you can and it will be amazing.

Congratulations!!

We had a really relaxed wedding, but we did go to Florida to do it! My adult kids came (obviously we paid) and we didn't expect anyone else to, but we had some friends come (they tend to holiday in Florida anyway, so they just made it into their holiday, plus we had cruise friends that live in Florida and my Uncle lives in California and he came too).

Ceremony was lovely, we then went back to the villa and had a BBQ round the pool. We then went on a cruise for our honeymoon.

About a month later we hired a barn in the UK to have a party for everyone that. Got a band, had a jacket potato stand for the catering (lots of different dietary requirements). No formalities at all, just a good old knees up.

It was great!

Congratulations on deciding to get married.

The right way IMO to plan a wedding is to consider who you want to invite and then how you can make the day comfortable for them. Then, add in the actual ceremony / service and you are all sorted.

I'm thinking about things like cloakroom space (good loos really important ), soft drinks available throughout the day. Food snd drinks available at regular intervals.

Other information that is good to have is how to get there by public and private transport. Have a schedule of what happens when available and keep to that schedule.

Prioritise the comfort and safety of your guests and you won't go far wrong.

Oh, and to that end, make sure you include elements that are there just because they make you happy and, if necessary, simply ignore anyone who disapproves.

My Dad was very confused by my shoe choice, but I loved them and all the people who actually know me loved it too because it was so "me" (and no, they weren't particularly "out there").

And to this day I get a happy glow when I think about the flowers or see pictures. That was where I focused my attention because it was what mattered to me and I haven't regretted it for a single minute.

We had quite a relaxed wedding although it was a big one! We had no photographer, a friend took photos for us so all very informal, wedding at 4pm, buffet meal with no seating arrangements, we supplied all the wine on sale or return from Tesco, people drank less than we thought! We had a live band which was fun. We had it in a marquee, filled it with cheap flowers and loads of greenery. My mum made my bouquet so all very relaxed.

the secret of relaxed weddings?
be Dutch!🤣

Our friends had the local cricket club , and there were games for the kids and grown ups , buffet food , then decamped to pub for a disco. Was my favourite wedding ever. So relaxed and chilled, was idyllic. They were relaxed and happy , so everyone took up that vibe. We are all Uni friends, and it was lush having all our kids meet and play together. Just a day full of love !

Thank you all! Exactly the kind of ideas we're looking for 🙂

Got married on the beach in Tenerife at 7 pm
Anyone who wanted to come was welcome
Went to the zoo in the morning
Came back , had lunch then used the pool, then showered , all the women did own hair , nails and makeup
At 1/4 to 7 musician arrived to play us down to the beach
There were 26 of us and only 4 from Tenerife itself
After a beautiful ceremony from the celebrant we had a bit more music then played back up to the restaurant behind our hotel where you could choose off the three courses for €10 . Great food, excellent value
I had a cd prerecorded for background music of our favourite songs.
A local woman made our €50 cake which was amazing
My hand tied rose bouquet was €30
I made bunting for the restaurant in National Tenerife colours
Was an amazing day
The drinks for the evening plus food was only €600 including tip
We were going to Tenerife anyway
So I paid for my 10 family
They got a week in a 4 star hotel , half board, transfers to and from airport and it cost me £4,400
The celebrant was €300 , we paid for two and the spare one took photos of us

An absolutely wonderful day / week and for less than the cost of a very small uk wedding somewhere grand

My cousin spent £12k for a small (50) wedding a year later.
While it was lovely, it was very stressful for her running around , making sure all was ok
And then by the end of the evening , that was it..and it rained!

My friends got married on a Friday with just their immediate family (12 people in total) and then went for a nice lunch. The bride had a short dress, and her niece as a bridesmaid who chose her own dress.
They then had an evening reception on the Saturday - no seating plan, buffet BBQ, no speeches other than a quick "thank you all for coming, let the dancing commence sort of word from the groom" and then dancing. They had basic flowers and candles on the tables but not tablecloths or anything too fancy.

Friends had a large garden so hired a marquee. A bunch of their mates erected it, a bunch of the rest of us put up and dressed trestle tables. Various people supplied food, others the drink, including a load driven over from France, and the couple hired a ceilidh band, As it was in Scotland, the wedding was allowed to be conducted on site. Very chilled with a bit of a barn-raising vibe to it. Best wedding I have ever been too.

What i would say, the low key wedding is a lot more work for the couple /family than the posh hotel where you just pay someone to do catering, stock up drinks, set out chairs/tables, have staff to meet florists / band / dj, sort taxis for tired guests wanting to leave etc. (And you just walk away from mess.)

But most of the relaxed weddings as a guest have been thr DIY types in a church hall, its just stressful for the couple. Think about how much time you will really be prepared to put for wedding planning for all details and if you have family friends who can help on the day with setting out tables and chairs, cleaning up etc.

Good point @MargosKaftan and I think if we're doing 'something' we'd want to meet somewhere in the middle; happy to throw some (within reason) money at it with regards venue, catering, marquee, staffing etc, but wouldn't want the structured formality of a 'traditional' wedding.

If we can go from the registry office to a lovely marquee in nice surroundings where there's a buffet, a bar & an acoustic musician waiting then that seems like it'd suit us.

Thankfully the industry I work in means we already know the caterers, the bar staff, the musicians, the florist, the coach company to get people there & back etc. If we decide to go down that route.

Similar to a pp we had a small registry office wedding and lunch with very close family.
Then we booked a bar with a dancefloor, had a buffet meal and a free bar and invited everyone we knew. One of my friends said she loved it as everyone came ready for a party. It was great!

A friend of mine got married at 12, then one glass per person of fizz and one canapé per person to do is through till dinner at 4pm.

And no place private to hang out till dinner either, just the hotel bar with all the other hotel guests. It was fine, but it just felt weird being so dressed up sitting next to a family wearing trackies munching on scampi in a basket. It was such a long day, many people had left by 8pm.

Another friend got married in a local outdoor beauty spot (risky both weather wise and onlooker wise) then off to a huge teepee for for pimms, garden party games, then dinner was pie and mash and a ceilidh. It was one of the best weddings I'd been to and DH borrowed many of their ideas when we got married!!

A friend married in the Dominican Republic, it was incredibly relaxing. There were 14 guests all there for the week the day itself was the ceremony, drinks, and a lovely chilled meal in the evening.

Mine! It’s the only non-standard wedding I’ve been to. We got married in the registry office, last slot of the day so none of the tedious hanging around. Marriage done and dusted by 5pm, then a bus took all the guests to one of our favourite local restaurants: we booked though we whole place for the evening. DH and I got a taxi and met the photographer for about 30 minutes while the guests had drinks and apero., I think we had about 60 guests in all. The restaurant did a brilliant meal and as it was BYOB with really cheap corkage my dad supplied loads of champagne and wine, everyone was pissed as farts. We did have speeches, but that was about it, no band, no disco, no cringe dancing. The restaurant closed at about 11, DH and I went off to our hotel, the older guests went home, and all our younger friends went off clubbing!

I've been to lots of relaxed weddings, all very different, some in hotels and relatively formal, some in church halls, some much more minimal with just a restaurant meal or chilling in the bar of a small hotel with board games.

What I'd say is not relaxing is when you're being shunted around and being kept in a state of waiting (especially if you're hungry). The hotels that shunt you in and out of a room to turn over the layout for service/ meal/ disco are a particular bugger for this. Especially if they run multiple weddings and slot in things like photos in the garden against other parties.
A bit of space to sit and relax away from the noise tends to go down well.
Either a fairly succint day to cut out hanging around or being clear on timings so guests can do their own thing in the between times.
The worst wedding had the wedding breakfast 8 hours after the ceremony began, was up the arse end of nowhere in an over-priced hotel where most of the guests weren't staying, and a lack of seating in the bar and lack of food and refreshments to keep you standing on your feet.
Knowing you've got a window and can go to a nearby pub or accommodation makes a big difference to filling time if needed. Plenty of food and drink including soft drinks. We brought in schloer as well as the wine so the non-drinkers got something pleasant provided on the table too.

Thank you all

We started a bit of planning last night and have sketched out a rough idea of ceremony around 2pm with a drink / snack afterwards, some sort of entertainment before a buffet around 6pm and then rounding it all off at 10.30 with transport into town for those looking to carry on the party.

Guests invited to the whole thing, but free to drop in later / leave earlier if that suits their plans.

Now to find a venue that works for us!