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Original poster

Please help me what is safest?

54 replies

thefishthatcouldwish · 14/06/2021 02:37

Have a newborn baby here.

He has been up all night. He has fed and fed and fed.

I can’t get him to settle in his cot only in my arms but I am shattered. I am trying to keep awake.

I could put him in his pram where he might sleep but don’t think it’s suitable for overnight sleep. It’s an Oyster 2 Pram.

I have a flat bouncer but can’t put him in that without watching

I have a travel cot too but would need to set it up and put bedding in before putting in baby.

Where would you put your baby? I know that

DH has to be up early so got grumpy when I asked him to have him ( DH is usually great and helps at home… I will be tackling lack of support at night with him. )

OP posts:
2gd2btrue · 14/06/2021 09:53

Hey OP. Hope you're ok. I have a 5 week old who's not keen on sleep either but we have had success with a combination of a bedside crib (Babylo), swaddling with swaddle blankets (they have a pouch for his legs and Velcro for his arms), sometimes a dummy and sometimes white noise. I also recommend gently tapping on the dummy.

I put him in his swaddle when he is getting sleepy, rock him to sleep in my arms, wait about 10 mins and then lay him down. Before I swaddled, every time I lay him down his arms and legs would jerk around waking him up, so it helps with that. Sometimes he has the dummy too, but it often falls out when he is asleep.

My DH doesn't do many night feeds because he can fall asleep in seconds and I worry he would holding the baby, but he does get up if I'm really struggling. It's really hard when you're so tired. I hope you get some sleep soon.

Original poster
thefishthatcouldwish · 14/06/2021 19:57

Hi all have swaddled DS who is more calm but is nowhere near sleep.

Not overly hopeful it will work but he is calm

OP posts:
TheVolturi · 14/06/2021 20:03

I co slept with all of mine. Just me in the bed with them. Dh slept on sofa.
Although I had a very refluxy baby and the Dr told me to let him sleep at the side of my bed strapped into his bouncer seat. Gosh those days were dark.

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TheVolturi · 14/06/2021 20:04

Have not read the whole thread but have you tried really loud white noise op? There are apps for it. Trial and error which sound your baby might like. But it needs to be loud in my experience.

Original poster
thefishthatcouldwish · 14/06/2021 20:48

Have Ollie gro owl which sort of works and he enjoys having it on.

Have swaddled with one of those Velcro swaddles and he has got his arm free and in an awful position. He was cram to a point.

He is currently feeding and I feel like I’ve failed.

OP posts:
whoami24601 · 14/06/2021 21:07

You haven't failed but this bit is fucking hard! Have you got any giant muslins? They're good for swaddling. Wrap like a fajita 😂 have you read up on the fourth trimester? Babies this age want to be as close to you as they can. It's not a failure on your part. You're his safe space so of course he wants to be with you!

TheVolturi · 14/06/2021 21:21

You have not failed op! These days are the hardest, you will look back on them and say omg how did I get through those, but you WILL. You have to do what you have to do, each day at a time. This will not last forever.
Honestly try a phone app for white noise. The white noise toys are not loud enough, we had Ewan and as lovely as it was it wasn't loud enough.

2gd2btrue · 14/06/2021 23:02

You haven't failed. I posted earlier about swaddling/dummy etc but today my
5 week old has only slept in my arms since 4am until 10pm when I gave him to his Dad, except for when I had to do the school run where he screamed in his pram the whole time. If I put him down he cried, and if I'm honest he barely slept in my arms, he just grizzled/cried/was awake. Babies are tough. Flowers

sausagerole · 14/06/2021 23:16

Hope you manage some sleep tonight, OP. Sure you've tried everything, but something I always found helped when transferring to the cot was to rest my hands on DS body and hold him gently there for a while before tiptoeing away. It helped to still and soothe him a bit and avoid the startle from transferring. I'm another one who never got into co-sleeping.

Howzaboutye · 15/06/2021 00:04

Omg I know how tired you are. It is horiffic. I collapsed I was so tired. Ended up cosleeping to stay alive basically. Did all the safe cosleep stuff and it was life changing. Don't underestimate your new mummy hormones, set yourself up in the daytime following all the guidelines, cuddle in and see if you both have a nap.

We swaddled as well, special swaddle blanket from the gro company I think, that worked for a while too.

Hang in there, sleep when you can it is really tough. In about 4 weeks baby will smile at you and it will be wonderful!

Howzaboutye · 15/06/2021 00:05

Or hold your finger on purpose. I can't remember as I was so fecking tired. But it's ALL a phase, and it will pass. Hang in there

Howzaboutye · 15/06/2021 00:06

Falling asleep in a chair or sofa or propped up in bed is way more dangerous than safe cosleeping, that's why it's definitely worth trying it safely in bed

Original poster
thefishthatcouldwish · 15/06/2021 02:20

I feel awful I fell asleep with him in my arms resting on feeding pillow. If anything would have happened I would never forgive myself.

I’m doing worse not better as is DS.

OP posts:
Etinox · 15/06/2021 02:30

You’re doing grand my love!
Did you think about cosleeping? Not now when you’re shattered but read up about it tomorrow and see if it’s feasible.
Flowers

GingerScallop · 15/06/2021 02:37

Am sorry it's so hard. I feel not enough is talked about when it comes to cluster feeding which I think I'd what your little one might be doing. And those 4-6 weeks can have really trying moments in terms of sleep.

Hang in there. They will soon learn day and night.

It might not feel like it but you are doing an amazingly fantastic mum job

Kinsters · 15/06/2021 03:05

My daughter would never take a dummy but she loved sucking my little finger. I'd have her in the side sleeper and fall asleep with my finger in her mouth..

LittleRa · 15/06/2021 03:37

If you feel reluctant to co-sleep because you’re worried you’ll smother him, but you’re accidentally falling asleep with him on your arms on a pillow that is much more risky and it’s much better to actually consciously co-sleep so that you have controlled the risks (lots of good advice on this thread) rather than accidentally falling asleep in an unsafe position. I have a 3 month old that I co-sleep with. Don’t ever feel you’ve failed because you’re feeding/cluster feeding- they need that. He definitely doesn’t need any sort of “bedtime” at less than 2 weeks old, and you say your DH only likes the “fun” bit of parenting, so could he have the baby for a couple of hours in the evening while you sleep upstairs eg 8pm to 10pm? Surely DH wouldn’t normally have been going to bed then anyway. You can get a couple of hours sleep tanked up, he can bring baby up for a feed if he gets fussy then take him away again.

Original poster
thefishthatcouldwish · 15/06/2021 05:11

Thank you all for all the advice. I won’t be falling asleep with him again because I will make sure DH is with me. I’m going to stick with trying him in his cot as there are times like last night he went from 2:30 until now in his cot only waking just now for a feed.

I think I was a bit harsh on DH he struggles when he can’t fix things. I also have sleep envy.

Have bought a breast pump to try maybe one bottle a day just so DH can feed him if needed. I don’t want to give up breast feeding as I do enjoy it mostly.

Think I’m expecting too much of myself and DS.

OP posts:
Original poster
thefishthatcouldwish · 15/06/2021 08:13

DS had a feed and change and went back in his cot where he has slept until now and has self settled a couple of times.

I know it’s a bit disjointed but he did it and I managed to sleep.

OP posts:
whoami24601 · 15/06/2021 08:33

OP I'm so glad for you that you managed some sleep. There is a reason they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture! Please don't feel bad about falling asleep. It's not great but nothing bad happened and I think we've all done it at least once! Agree about husband- can he take baby in the evenings so you can get a few hours? Or maybe get up with him in the morning? Expressing is a good idea but the by baby 3 I just gave 1 bottle of formula occasionally. The odd bottle won't hurt and it's much easier than faffing about with a pump!

123ZYX · 15/06/2021 08:54

Have you tried feeding while both lying in bed together? When DS was going through the worst of his non-sleeping I'd basically co-sleep with the half of my nursing bra nearest the bed (when lying on your side) unhooked and he's kind of feed himself. I never managed to sleep fully while he fed, but I managed to snooze which made a big difference.

It's probably not necessary in this heat but I got myself a fleece onesie to sleep in so that I could get rid of the duvet completely to make it safer. As a pp mentioned, you'll also need to make sure that you've not got a pillow.

We used a snuzpod against the bed which had a zip down side so that I could shuffle DS back into it when he fell asleep

whoami24601 · 15/06/2021 09:01

Oh yes feeding lying down was a lifesaver! Make the bed safe and then just whip a boob out 😁 I couldn't ever fully sleep but could close my eyes and snooze.

VenusClapTrap · 15/06/2021 09:09

You’re in the hardest stage right now (I think) so hang in there. I used a swaddle and baby hammock for mine; they mimic the shape of the womb and you can gently rock the baby back to sleep with the tip of your exhausted finger, and the movement mimics the feeling of being in/on mum.

I don’t know if they are still a thing though. There was a death of a baby in the US in a hammock, but despite it being proven to have been caused by incorrect usage it rather tarnished the image of baby hammocks and I think they went out of favour. Which is a shame because they were amazing for those first few weeks.

Definitely get Dh to do a bottle a day. I found that really helped too.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 15/06/2021 09:19

Definitely try a next to me cot!! It’s my saviour and had her in it from day 1.! Can sleep with side down - can put hand in cot to try settle baby while I’m in bed and we are both safe! When she wakes to be fed I can slide her in beside me and then Slide her back into the cot after.

Howzaboutye · 15/06/2021 09:30

Omg you got 3 hours? That's fantastic. Have a think today about the plan for tonight now you can think a bit clearer