‘Curfew’ for 18 year old?

[Fjmb]

I’m sitting here for ds18 to get home. This is becoming a nightly occurrence- last night he came home at 4am. I think it’s disrespectful that he treats our home like a hotel, he seems to think he’s an adult so can come and go as he pleases (he’s an adult when it suits!)

Do your adult children, living at home, have a ‘curfew’? I’m probably being very unreasonable (but not brave enough to post this in aibu)

You have to let him get on with it. Stop sitting up.

If he isn’t going to be home for dinner he needs to let you know as basic courtesy.

If he doesn’t lock the door there have to be consequences.

And he needs to start pulling his weight at home. A levels aren’t a reason not to do chores.

Also - job - I know it’s tough right now, but there is usually care work around, he should get a job and pay you some (basic) rent - if you don’t need/want the money keep it for him as a nest egg.

Dd doesn’t have a curfew nor do I wait up for her. She is good about locking the door though. My one rule is that if she isn’t coming home I’d like telling, either beforehand if she knows or by text if it’s last minute. Purely so I don’t spend the next day worrying about if she’s been killed or not.

But they're not really adults, are they? Not when they're living at home and financially dependent on their parents. How would you feel if he turned up at 4 a.m. (or any time really) with a one night stand?

@RedthroatedCaracara
But they're not really adults, are they

Of course they are,they can vote,get married.
And the the 1 night stand,just have some boundaries.

I have adult kids,they lived at home.
You just need to have a conversation and let them now what's accepted and what's not.
One night stands and not locking the door not acceptable.

Hmmm I’m not sure really. I don’t wait up for dd (18 in August, all her friends are 18) but I do ask her to be home by 11.30pm otherwise she has to stay at a friends house. This is because her little brother has autism and I have chronic disabilities and both of us are light sleepers and wake up when she gets in, however quiet she is. So the latest I’m prepared to be awake (although not actually sitting downstairs waiting up for her!) is 11.30pm otherwise I can’t function the next day.

I’m not strict in other ways. We live rurally and I give her lifts everywhere, money to do stuff (although she has a part time job and goes to university in September) and we have a great relationship but can’t be doing with teens coming back at 2/3/4am. At the end of the day it’s my house and I need my sleep. If they want to have a party lifestyle they need to get their own place or wait until university where they can do what they like!

I should probably add the fact we live rurally makes it easier to say 11.30 as there are no taxis, no trains, no buses. So they’re all reliant on either driving home (most of them can’t) or lifts from parents- and none of us are willing to go and get them at 3am!

I work with Sixth Form aged teenagers and I think it’s the norm for them to have some sort of curfew at 18. Out until 4am without parents knowing where you are would be unusual around here. I don’t think you’d be at all unreasonable to say that if he’s coming home then he needs to be back by X time or let you know by then that he’s staying elsewhere.

I think midnight is early and he shouldn't have a curfew at 18. I was out later than that at 16, I'd get home at 2 or 3am if we were clubbing. My parents weren't particularly lenient but they trusted me and I never got into trouble. He should lock up though and let you know if he's staying out overnight.

If he's an adult and paying his own way and living on his own then he gets to decide when to come home. But he is sharing a home with someone that doesn't want people (him) coming in at 4am. Therefore he can abide by the midnight curfew or live elsewhere. It's not unreasonable of you at all. Your house your rules.