Is this acceptable?

[DragMeOutOfIt]

I split up with my children's dad about a year ago. He moved on quickly and his girlfriend has a daughter. When my children go to sleep there (every other Sat night) the girlfriend sleeps in a bed with her daughter, and my girls share a bed with their dad. Do you think this is acceptable? I'm not suggesting anything untoward is going on, but surely they should have somewhere of their own to sleep? I don't really like them going as he keeps them up too late and they're a nightmare for days after, so I can't decide if he's in the wrong, or my judgement is clouded as I don't really like them going.

How old are the children?

They're 4 & 8

Keeping them up late shouldn't be an issue. What he does is when they are with him shouldn't be an issue as long as he isn't being abusive.
I don't see the issue with the bed thing either, they are still quite young. This should change as they get older though.

Might be helpful www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/in-the-home/sharing-a-bedroom/

Yeah I wouldn't be worried at that age. The late nights would annoy me too (esp if I'm having to deal with the fallout of a tired child!) but there's not much you can say about it, it's his time with them. Pick your battles on that one is my opinion.

Hopefully he's planning something for the future with regards to the children's sleeping arrangements..

I think this is really difficult; ideally yes they should have a bed to stay in but if they don’t have the money for an extra bedroom that is only used occasionally then there’s not much choice and it’s not a good enough reason for them not to stay

How old is girlfriend daughter? There could be loads of reasons maybe girlfriend thinks your girls not ready to see their dad sharing bed with her.

Or maybe the girlfriends daughter normally sleeps with her & ur ex (thinking maybe night terrors as reason) and doing that so doesn’t give impression to your girls the daughter gets some special attention

I think because you don’t like them your going your trying to think of something to stop it, is that right or along them lines?
Don’t mean it in a nasty way of course just is this how your feeling?

It wouldn’t bother me regarding the bed, however, if I had to pick up the crap after a late night it would annoy me yes

Yes I've not said anything about the late nights. And we're talking a just turned 4 year old who normally has 11 hours having 6 hours sleep, it takes until Wednesday for me to get some sort of normality back. As you say though, however annoying it's his time so I've said nothing. Thanks for all the new sharing advice, I'll sit on that one too.

No I don't want to stop it. I get one night to myself every 2 weeks it's literally my sanity

@DragMeOutOfIt

No I don't want to stop it. I get one night to myself every 2 weeks it's literally my sanity

Exactly so just go with it, could always mention the late nights of anything. Knackered kids are hard work! Just with you saying you didn’t like them going I just wondered if there was something else!

No I don't like them going because of the late nights. But I know I can't do anything about that. It sometimes feels like one night off isn't worth it with an over tired pre schooler for several days after 🤦🏻‍♀️

Are you amicable with your Ex? What would he do/say if you told him how bad it is after she's been there? It is his time, but he surely he should be reasonable and not have her taken home in a state. If he's not likely to take it well, then maybe leave it, but if he'd be up for the chat then worth a shot?

No he'd not take it well, mainly why I've not brought it up. It's not worth the bother and nothing will change anyway

Oh that's crappy. My Ex was like that when DS was little, so unapproachable. Ridiculous really, why we couldn't just work together to have a better life I'll never know. Hey ho!