A handhold please

[Blowingagale]

I’m in the middle of things so can’t explain reason - please hold my hand.

Holding your hand - hope you're OK

Thanks @spiderlight
This post is about bereavement so may trigger

My cousin died a few weeks ago. Young with children, main carer
after split. Wonderful father, colleague etc.

With his parents and my own parents today and I just feel an overwhelming guilt. Nothing anyone had said or even vaguely hinted. I am single, no siblings, no children, have underlying depression (but am not suicidal at all now). Why did God/the universe/luck mean he got a fatal illness not me?

I know how self indulgent it is and will not go beyond MN.

I remember a lovely thing on MN about grief circles- the people at the centre do whatever they need to get through, seek help, shout cry be silent to anyone. The next circle supports the centre. If circle 2 is upset or worried they can show this and seek help from someone in circle 3 or higher, never circle 1. Circle 1 should never feel that they need to make anyone else feel better about the loss and so on out.

Everyone with me irl now is closer than me. I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone except here.

Oh goodness - that's so hard. Really sorry for your loss. These things just don't make sense sometimes. You already know that your guilt is irrational but you can only feel what you feel. Hopefully someone wiser will be along soon but I'm still holding your hand and thinking of you

Here to listen. A close friend lost her partner and they have a young child. I know what it feels to have that shock plus want to be able to support. All of your feelings are normal, there is no right or wrong. Everyone will be in shock. Relationships are always complex. One thing that helped me, besides talking about it with non-involved friends, was deciding early on that I would give what I could but not to my detriment.