If this was you, what would you consider this relationship to be like?

[PolluTrl]

If you’ve dated someone exclusively for 6 months, seen each other each weekend and once in the week generally, speak on the phone a couple of times a week, text daily bar the odd day here and there.

Would you consider this person your partner? Boyfriend? Boyfriend seems like a strange term when you’re over the age of 25 (which we are by quite a few years!).

I am a bit lost as to where we go next. We have talked about a future in lose terms...ie we both want marriage and family. We have said we love each other. He’s currently looking for a new job as his contract ends soon...there’s no mention of how the relationship will work if this happens, except that when it first came up he said he wanted to make it work with me no matter where he was based. The reality is he could be 3 hours away by autumn...it depends where he finds work and he can’t be too picky with location as that’s the nature of his job. I want to make it work with him regardless of where he is but I guess there’s nothing for us to actually talk about until somewhere is finalised?

Don’t know what I’m asking really. I feel a bit insecure but then I always do in relationships so I could be over thinking.

Hard to comment without knowing the personalities involved. You sound serious about each other, but not head over heels in love? But - especially if you’re a bit older, that can be a good basis for a long term marriage and family set up; real life isn’t a rom com and what you describe sounds sensible, balanced and considered. Does that help at all?

I would consider that your partner. What will happen if he gets a job far away, best to discuss with him and see how serious you both are. It could be anything from marriage to the end of it, depends if he is looking for a serious relationship or not.

I think of a partner as somebody you have a partnership with - the equivalent of a spouse but without being married. Somebody you share a life with. Boyfriend might sound a bit “young”, but what about this man makes him a partner? I’d wait for that until you know whether the relationship is going to go anywhere if he does move a long distance away and you decide whether the logistics work or not.

And using partner rather than boyfriend doesn’t actually make the relationship any deeper or more significant - but it can give you a false sense of security about its significance.

My fiancé was a boyfriend for almost four years. Before that, we were just two people who spent time together but maintained separate households - and I couldn’t see what about that made us partners, regardless of how long we’d known each other.

I would still see that as a boyfriend tbh, it is a recent relationship your lives aren't particularly entangled as yet.

I would just be seeing how things go tbh. If he moves a long way away you will either drift apart or discover if your relationship will stand the test.

You can open up a conversation with him about what he thinks your relationship would look like if he did move away: would long distance work for both of you, would you think about moving and living closer to him but separately or even moving in together, and whether that would be too soon for you both. You don’t have to make any decisions now, but you’ll get an idea of whether or not you feel similarly.

I would say BF, terminology is a bit irrelevant though. This work situation will polarise it. I would bring up what will happen if he does have to move for work. I had to relocate for DH work but we were engaged by that time but we were engaged after dating for only about four months.

Whatever happens make sure your own career is ok, wherever that ends up being. I would have stayed back in our original city for my job and would not have moved without a job even though engaged.

Isn't it more about how you feel? That's what draws people together and to end up living with each other. Do you feel drawn to each other enough?

6 months is such a short time, I'd consider him my boyfriend if it was me.

Then again, I see a partner as someone you live with and have a partnership with, whether that's financial/parental or something else.

Regarding the contract ending etc, I suppose you'll have to wait and see what happens nearer the time.

I’d say you are dating. Boyfriend of you need a label, but I’d expect you to be living together before calling you “partners”