I just realised I have imposter syndrome

[GreenLeafTurnip]

I'm currently in the process of applying to do a PhD and finding it really difficult because I have to basically talk about how amazing I am. I have the experience but I've never really felt that it goes beyond what I've written on paper if that makes sense? It's almost as if when I read my CV it's as though it's written about someone else and I'm trying to pass it off as mine. I googled imposter syndrome and it was as if it had been personally written about me. Does anyone else feel like this? It's actually really upset me to read it. How do I combat it? Any one have any ideas? I need help because this will hold me back from furthering my career. I can already see it preventing me from getting onto the PhD program.

Imposter syndrome is rife in academia so I'm sure you wouldn't be the only one feeling that way! It's good that you have recognised it early on.

I find if helpful to ask a trusted friend or colleague to look at applications, give practice interviews etc. They will be able to tell you if you are under selling yourself or forget to mention things that are impressive but you might have forgotten to mention or downplayed.

Good luck!!

Funnily enough I've just found out I have this too (after seeing it mentioned on a thread I did the google/checker stuff).

It's held me back in so many ways, great that you've spotted it now OP and I'm hoping someone can point you in the right direction to combat it - following with interest

Thanks for the replies. Yes I was speaking with a fellow woman in academia and she feels the same. I wonder if it is more that women suffer from it. Unfortunately all the reassurance from other people still doesn't change how I feel about my abilities. I even have papers published but it still feels like I'm taking everything and one day someone will find out and it will all come crashing down.

I think one major problem for me is that I don't feel like my husband really thinks what I do is important/of any interest to him (he's a whole other thread) which makes it even more difficult for me.

I wish there was a magic cure but I've been like this since leaving high school so I don't think there is.

@GreenLeafTurnip of course reassurance won't help you, you need to seek out help to overcome this.

It will take work, which with Imposter syndrome will be hard for you to see helping in any way as you've already jumped ahead to it not and a fail!

Just thought I'd update. I got the PhD position and surprisingly it's really helped with my confidence already. I'm see how long that lasts!

Congratulations!

I’m starting the second year of my PhD and the imposter syndrome is no joke. I feel like I’ve fluked everything and someone is going to realise I’m rubbish any minute now.

Academic colleagues (both men and women) assure me it never goes away. You’ll always feel like your work is shite and you’ll be baffled that you’re considered an expert on anything. Comforting

I can so identify with this! Got my doctorate in the year I turned 60 - a huge achievement for me. But I constantly downgrade it - well it was in a niche subject ('professional' rather than PhD so think D Ed eg), at a niche university etc etc.
Congratulations on the place OP. Enjoy. That's what nothing can take away from me - how much I enjoyed actually doing it.

Well done with getting the funding! Women in academia are plagued by this. I felt it when I applied for a PhD and now, some years later and relatively senior, I still feel it. But you learn to keep going anyway. Btw, my husband (lovely but not remotely interested in my subject) also seemed to feel my work wasn’t that important (compared with the terribly serious finance and management stuff he does) but these days occasionally admits he is impressed by my publication record/social media following/tv and radio appearances, which is gratifying. And I’m not, like, famous - what I do is pretty standard for academics in my discipline. Anyway, good luck with the PhD and congrats again.

Thank you everyone! I'm so pleased to have got the funding. Now to spend the next 4 years of my life chained to the lab!