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Unusual patterns in new date, is something wrong?

6 replies

Deryai · 12/06/2021 19:24

I’ve been dating someone the last few weeks and noticed some traits that I haven’t seen before in someone. I really like the guy but just want to understand if he’s not arsed (he says he really really is!) or if he’s messing me about or something.

Timings/plans - everything has to be organised and thought about. Not down to the final minute and he’s fine if things are late or we leave late etc but if I suggest a night away it’s like he needs approval from the Queen. He has to check every eventuality, says how he doesn’t think it’s possible but really wants to.we’ve gone away once and he enjoyed it but I could tell the whole thing took far more planning than it would with someone else. I will suggest something on a Tuesday and by Friday he might have come to a view on it. Even something as simple as which restaurant to go to.

Change to plans. This causes him to be silent and stare into space for a while. Minor change he is ok but he has set rounties like he has to go a certain way to work on the train and I couldn’t possibly drop him off as he doesn’t know the route or traffic etc.

He is affectionate and loving but cannot seem to express himself with words without a lot of effort. He seems to put masses of thought in. I do this too but he seems almost anxious about it.

Constant worrying, about everything. He’s a happy person and we have a laugh but he’s always concerned in some way, quite serious.

I have fallen for him so none of this is a criticism, it just seems very unusual?!

OP posts:
Reloxa · 12/06/2021 21:12

Have you posted about this before? I feel like I've read this thread at least twice recently, right down to the 'being silent and staring into space' detail.

citycitycity · 12/06/2021 21:26

That sounds really annoying - how long have you been together?

CarrotPuff · 12/06/2021 21:50

Could he have ASD? The rigidity of routines is one of the biggest traits.

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IAmAWomanNotACis · 12/06/2021 21:56

I wonder if he's not neurotypical. I hesitate to type that because it's bandied about a lot on mumsnet but I am speaking from personal experience.

Could be anxiety too. Could be any number of things but you're right in that it's unusual. I also worry for you that it will become a bind.

ODFOx · 12/06/2021 22:16

If I was a bloke this would be me.
Plan and add contingency for change of plans, then take a couple of minutes to absorb the change and accept that the contingency plan will work.
I don't have ASD (diagnosed) but am an applied scientist and all my DC are diagnosed on the spectrum.
I'm quite nice, honestly, and although irritating on occasion my detailed planning and contingency has enabled some amazing family adventures!
Your new man sounds like a planner. It's not necessarily a bad thing. Let him plan outings and kit lists. You will come to appreciate the planning eventually, while you concentrate on the happy vibe.....

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 12/06/2021 23:01

It sounds like he might be slightly autistic? My son has autism, and displays everything you're describing

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