Protecting our daughters and granddaughters.

[Fredaisfreezing]

Over the time I've been a member of Mumsnet threads have been about women in relationships where the men have become abusive.
And most times these ladies end up staying as they have no access to money, no family or friends as he cuts them off.
I've pressed it into my DD and DGDs to make sure they always have money of their own. But hopefully we are a close family and this won't happen.
How can we help these ladies see the bigger picture. Why do some men become abusive. This seems to happen more just after the birth of a child.
How can we advise them to take the steps to ensure they are safe and happy.
It's heartbreaking to read and it's really sad when children are involved.

I remember my friends (very posh wealthy) mother telling her that “a wife should always have an i social bank account with at least 10K in Incas she needs it). I chuckled at the time thinking she was old school and out of date. Now I have many friends who have quit work to make childcare for the children easier, whose partners have control of the money. Now it just seems sensible that anyone in a relationship should ah e independent finances in case they ever need them. I would say that when I went part time after having my children I didn’t really consider the longer term impact on my finances/career of doing so (eg less payments into pension etc).

Both my parents were like your friends. I also went part time after having the children but I also have an account with
money just for me in. Fortunately I married a good one and after 42 years it's building nicely and this time next year
we hopefully can buy a caravan to enjoy our retirement.

I think you sound like you have really good intentions but, with the greatest of respect, you sound incredibly naive and more than a little bit patronising.

I don't think there is a single financial set up that is right for everyone. The key is picking a partner who you can talk openly with and who respects you (and other women).

@Fredaisfreezing

Both my parents were like your friends. I also went part time after having the children but I also have an account with money just for me in. Fortunately I married a good one and after 42 years it's building nicely and this time next year we hopefully can buy a caravan to enjoy our retirement.

Be sure when you do that you join all the unhappy caravan owner sites to avoid the pitfalls People have lost their life savings I say that as a static caravan owner of 4 years that we’ve been very lucky yet should our site owners circumstances change and he decides to sell, then we’d probabget turfed off The big boys ( those with park in the titles)o don’t like older vans in site

This comes across a little odd really. Women are not responsible for the actions of ( a number of) men. We as a society need to openly discuss the pervading presence of misogyny (we exist in a patriarchal society after all) and our autonomy as well as financial independence and how to notice warning signs and red flags for abuse, regardless of who is doing it. Abuse can be subtle and I insidious and occur at any stage of a relationship.

The statistics for the same abuse and violence in female/female relationships is also swung unfavourably. We have no way of knowing who our children or grandchildren will end up with, their gender or that of their partner, their sexuality or their partners inclination towards unhealthy behaviours (or indeed their own)

Best to impress that you are there should they ever need, and encourage intersectional feminism, their rights and self esteem, how to notice micro agressions ( with books, conversations etc) and leave them to explore their existence and love lives. There are plenty of women online (instagram and Twitter) discussing the above in a more nuanced and balanced way.