When did you realise you were lonely?

[OnlyMsLonely]

I'll go first. (NC for this).

Lockdown was a bitch. I was working throughout (WFH) so privileged to be employed and relatively protected from infection. I'm very conscious of my privilege and don't take it for granted. But it was a bitch! As a single parent of a confused/angry/undiagnosed ASD teenager with no other family in the UK, it was a difficult and lonely time. But that's not when the real loneliness kicked in. Today the Dr told me that I have to have some unpleasant/embarrassing tests after weeks of pain and discomfort. I don't want to talk to family about it (they all live abroad and would worry), I can't talk to my son (and wouldn't about this anyway) and it's not something you really bring up in conversation with friends (of which I only have a handful of close ones). I don't have a partner.

Today I realised that I am lonely.

...and as if to prove my point - tumbleweed!!

oh that's tough, sometimes it's hard when there's no one to talk to in real life. I was a single parent of 3 so I get where you're coming from. All grown up and left now. They do look out for me but there's still things I dont know who I can talk through with. Take care and look after yourself.

I was going to reply but thought I was too depressing . When I got ill and friends and family distanced themselves. I realised I was on my own then. I find Facebook groups for health conditions really helpful. Have you tried that? At least they understand.

I’m in a somewhat similar situation. I’m widowed with two children and have moved around a lot so am very distant to old friends I feel comfortable with. I really miss them. I’m a bit of an introvert too and am finding making real connections more and more difficult as I get older. A recent rubbish birthday brought it especially home.
I hope you’re ok.

I went suffered a baby loss about 10 year ago. Some of my supposed good friends shied away from me afterwards and through depression i slowly cut myself off from all the rest.

Just as i was starting to feel better and think about rebuilding my life my DP proposed (love him to bits) and we started to organise the wedding.

It hit me right away that i only had my children, my mother and a distant friend from who i hardly ever saw to to have on my side of the church :(

Just realised half of my post is nonsense! Not drunk i promise

Hope you're ok OP

When I was admitted to hospital for emergency surgery and I had no one to be with me as DH had to look after the children, and I didn't have anyone else to ask. As it happened I spent all day waiting on a ward to go to theatre in tears as I watched family and friends of the other patients come and go all day, whilst I was scared and lonely.

PlugUgly1980
i remember realising, during a health scare, that the same might happen to me. Wouldn't be able to have DH come with me because i had not one single person who i could ring up to ask to sit with the kids for a couple of hours.

Thanks all. It's good to hear that I'm not actually alone (even if I feel lonely). The thing I find hardest is not having anyone to 'fall apart' to. It's exhausting always being the one to hold things together and it would be really good if someone else would just take over....just for one day!

I'll leave the pity party now...

What is it with people disappearing when you suffer loss?
I lost my partner and absolutely no one stepped up. It was crushing. I learnt you can only rely on yourself. It was kind of freeing in a way, I still have friends, I just expect little from them.

It's not a pity party. You're allowed to feel the way you do.
I'm lonely because my life is no different now we're coming out of lockdown. No parties, bbqs etc that everyone else seems to have. It's just the same. Very lonely at times.

My loneliness is related normally to my hormones, that's when it bothers me most really. The rest of the time I'm okay. But the week before my period I'm weepy. Being a single parent through lockdown has been mentally hard. And I dread my kids leaving home. I was a teen mum, I've never lived alone it's going to strange and lonely

@Homemadearmy

My loneliness is related normally to my hormones, that's when it bothers me most really. The rest of the time I'm okay. But the week before my period I'm weepy. Being a single parent through lockdown has been mentally hard. And I dread my kids leaving home. I was a teen mum, I've never lived alone it's going to strange and lonely

I can totally relate to this. I get anxious and lonely when I'm hormonal too (which is most of the time now as I'm peri) but the thought of living alone terrifies me. Way too much silence. That's a whole other type of loneliness.

I'm someone who everyone thinks has a lot of friends but over lockdown I've realised that with a lot of my friendships I do all the contacting and instigating. It's made me feel really low at times. I found myself googling one afternoon 'what to do when no-one cares about you'. My rational self knew it was nonsense (and a tad dramatic!) I have a lovely DH, family nearby, friends..but I just felt so empty at times. I would sit and look at my phone and feel desperate for someone to check in and ask how I was.

The loneliest I've ever felt (and feel) is when I'm in bed with my husband. Physically he is centimetres away but we are worlds apart. I have been single and alone but I'd swap that in a heartbeat for what I have now.

@EmeliaKate

I'm someone who everyone thinks has a lot of friends but over lockdown I've realised that with a lot of my friendships I do all the contacting and instigating. It's made me feel really low at times. I found myself googling one afternoon 'what to do when no-one cares about you'. My rational self knew it was nonsense (and a tad dramatic!) I have a lovely DH, family nearby, friends..but I just felt so empty at times. I would sit and look at my phone and feel desperate for someone to check in and ask how I was.

It's hard when it feels like a one way street. I guess that what I'm realising reading this is that everyone feels lonely sometimes - even if they look like they have it all from the outside.

ps. I've done that googling thing too.

@Sowingbees

The loneliest I've ever felt (and feel) is when I'm in bed with my husband. Physically he is centimetres away but we are worlds apart. I have been single and alone but I'd swap that in a heartbeat for what I have now.

These are powerful words. I've been there so I empathise. There are so many types of lonely.

I’m really feeling lonely this week as I’m having to decide if my dog needs to be put to sleep. I wish there was someone else in our lives who saw him every day like me and could help me. The ladies in the Doghouse have been amazing.

That's so true @OnlyMsLonely. Everyone does feel lonely at times, and appearances can be very deceptive. I (drunkenly) told a friend one night I felt lonely and she nearly dropped her glass of wine in total shock !!

@NoIdontwanttoseeyourknob I've been there and I know exactly what you mean. What I will say is that earlier is always kinder rather than later, hard though it is. All the best xxx

@NoIdontwanttoseeyourknob sorry to hear that. That is a lonely decision.

Thank you - but I suppose on the plus side once I decide that will be it, there won’t be anyone arguing with me about it.