Am I doing LIFE "wrong" ?

[Mikadua23]

Soo..
I am new here.
Hi

I was a Reader but decided to post myslef for some advise I guess...

I am 26, married with a 3 year old and currently pregnant with our second.

Me and my husband met in 2014 and got married in 2017.

He's 2 years older than me and works around 40 hours a week.
He brings around 2500k a month

We still don't own a house (We private rent)
We don't own a car (We have a car from husband's company with free fuel)
We have around 3k in credit cards debt and 2.5k planned overdraft that we live on.

Our second baby just happened and we are very happy but I am worried .
My husband is a positive thinker and feels that we are doing ok and we will do better, we just need more time .
I look around at people in our lives and around us and I am constantly compare their lives to others.
Although everyone is 10 years older(late 30s) they own big houses, have fancy cars)
And I am not saying that because I am jealous, I am happy for them, I just wonder if my financial situation will ever change and if its because we are still young and have time to Save more money and buy our first property ?
I feel like this will never happen to us.
We struggle to Save.
My husband earn around 2600 a month and I currently dont work as I was put on bed rest due to complications In my pregnancy.

I feel like we are doing things wrong .
That we should by now own a house and 2 cars or at least have that 10% of house deposit saved.

I am getting a little depressed because of the financial state.
I am very happy to have a wonderful and caring husband and have my family at this age because that's something I really wanted however I keep comparing our lives to others wondering if we will ever be overdraft free and debt free ..

My family plays a huge part in this because it feels like my mother is competing with our life.
My parents are in their 50s and they make me feel shit that we don't go on holidays like they do, that we don't own nice things like they do.
I sometimes wish she would say something positive to make me feel better rather than showing off and making me feel that we are in some sort of competition on who has better life styles.
She never said that she was proud of me .

I dont need a lot in my life, I just would like to have some savings and own a house in my 30s .
Is this normal ?

The main thing you are doing "wrong" is comparing yourself to others. Once you stop this I think you will see that you are actually happy. .Most people driving new cars do not own them.,They are contract hire...many people do not own their house. .It's held by the bank as security if they default. at 50 (ish) I have realised people's public face so often hides the truth so do not envy an illusion.

Unless you actually know where your money is going you can’t possibly get ahead.

Focus on what you are doing not what anyone else is doing. First thing you need to do is become financially savvy. Write down every cent you both spend. Do a budget. Work out where you can cut costs eg phone plans, food, insurance. Work first on getting rid of the debt. Then when that is gone, put the money you were putting towards that into a savings account.
Good luck.
But if you keep doing what you’re doing now, nothing will change

The only thing that would concern me is that you are living off a planned overdraft, I wouldnt want to be in that situation.

You write about money, savings, debts, house...what do you do? What’s your work background? Presumably at some stage you will be bringing something to the family table too, financially. It can’t just be up to your husband.

And...comparison is the thief of joy.

Read Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover.

It reiterates what PP said about how people get the nice things that you see. It also gives you a blueprint for getting out of debt and building your financial muscles. Despite being US focused, it is 99% applicable to any other country.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope everything goes smoothly (or at least smoother) for you from here on out.

@Nonmaquillee I am an accountant who don't work now as I was put to the bed rest

Your mum doesn't have young children to pay for so I'd ignore her. You're in a better position than lots without having a car to pay for.
Other people have different situations to you that's all, dh and I bought our first house before kids and before getting married -we prioritised getting a house after having a miscarriage and realising we wanted to sort things out before it happened again.

We bought our house at 28, We didnt have our first child until we were 29, got married at 32. 2nd child this year at 34. So in our late 30s we will have all of the things you say, we just did it in a different order. 10 years is a long time for things to change.

Having children young, even if you only take maternity leaves, is going to have repercussions for your income once you include childcare for two children as a significant outgoing — I can’t decide if ‘our second baby just happened’ means it was unplanned? Either way, it sounds as if the best thing you can do, as well as budgeting strictly, is to focus on your own income/potential income? Could you both work compressed hours to minimise childcare costs ie if you both worked four long days, so only needed childcare for 3 days a week?

When your working too that’s a whole extra income so you will be able to save/get out of overdraft.

Ten years is a massive difference, the property market was more affordable back then (but obviously still over the top expensive)

Comparing your life to that of other people is always a terrible idea. DH and I both earn substantial salaries but i still occasionally fall into the trap of looking at people with bigger and shinier lifestyles and wondering whether we should earn more. Completely stupid. Unless you are Bill Gates there will always be richer people to compare yourself to. Write down what you really value and what you need to to achieve that, for example a decent home for your children, the ability to spend time together as a family, occasional treats. I bet having a big expensive car doesn't make it on the list.

As others said, no point in comparing yourself to others.
You've had kids early, whereas others may have concentrated on building savings buying a house and leaving kids til they're in their 30s. That's a life choice that will have financial consequences.
You're also on one income.
I'd put a plan in place to get your career back on track after maternity leave and try to live within your means until then.

There was a thread very recently about "keeping up with the Joneses" which was an interesting read (not sure how to link but you could probably search it.) there's lots of people that feel the way you do.

Honestly, you're still very young - loads of time for good things to come your way!

At 26 I was earning a pittance after being an eternal student. I was single and house sharing. Over the next decade, I now have a wonderful husband, a child, have bought a house and financially very comfortable. Nobody has it all. And nobody can do it all at the same time. Prioritise getting out of debt and then start saving. At 30, things could look very different for you.

How was your mum doing at a similar age/stage?

You had kids young, before owning. That has an impact.

What has led to the debt/overdraft?

Can you not work from home if you're an accountant. Im a lawyer and when I was bed bound for a period I was perfectly able to work from a laptop in bed.

There's no point in comparing.
There's really no point in comparing people at different ages/ life stages.

30s with young children makes many feel squeezed even if they felt like they were doing well before. Income can dip, costs go up. 5 years can make a difference on childcare/ maternal income and a big difference on family budget.

Also in some areas people will get much more house for their money.

Appreciate what you have and how to use it comfortably and effectively and have a plan for the next few years.

Another thing i find very helpful us to write a 'short story' about how you would see your life looking like in 10, 20 or 30 years. I've found this really effective in taking my focus off the unimportant, short-term worries and thinking more about the long term plans and dreams i want to pursue. For example i wrote a fake 'interview' with myself in 30 years time where i talked about my career and personal life. It was a bit ridiculous but really helped me make a decision to change my career path. I was really caught up in an unhappy work situation at the time and had a hard time seeing past the daily issues.

I had all that when I was 30, spacious house, beautiful new baby, 3 cars, holidays 5 times a year.... and then some things happened and we split. The house was mortgaged to the hilt, I went into a rented house, he went to live with his parents.
Things slowly began to build back up again from ground level and now I have my own business, a family and I have learned a valuable lesson. You're feeling uncertain because you are looking around you at what others have got but you don't know their inner lives. You are exactly where you should be.

I wouldn’t worry about it OP.

In the course of a year I went from a joint income of 100k (of which I brought in £50k), around £5k debt and no housing costs in a European capital city (I was 29 he was 53 and had outright ownership) to a single parent on £25k with a 1 year old, renting a cottage in the arse end of nowhere in northern England.

In 4 years single parenting I accrued another £20k debt and had to start a debt management plan, have had to restart my career. I’m only now really rebuilding at 33, and unless I keep increasing my income to accelerate it, won’t be clear of debt until I’m 40.

THEN I can start worrying about houses and cars.

But tomorrow I might get a massively improving job offer. Or meet a new partner. Or get a horrible illness that renders me incapable of working. I have no idea.

So all I can do is put one foot in front of the other, improve my lot as far as possible in the now, and accept that life doesn’t always progress in a straight, tidy, upward curve.

I’d recommend you do the same or you’ll drive yourself mad.

It's hard at your age because houses are so expensive compared with the prices people paid 20/30 years ago and you fall into the trap of not being able to save because a lot of your money goes on rent.

You might not be aware of it, but it used to be the case that people could get 100% (or more!) mortgages meaning they didn't even have to save a deposit and could borrow money to buy furniture etc. Madness.

As others have said, you need to stop comparing your life with others, as the situation for you is not even remotely comparable moneywise.

Look on the bright side, you have one child and another on the way. You're a qualified professional who can hopefully go back to a well paid career in a couple of years and your DH is also decently paid.

You could well buy a house or be well on the way to have saved up a deposit by the time you are 30. That will come really quickly even if life seems to be slogging by right now.

There's lots you can do over the next few years to get yourself in a good position to buy.

Get the rest you need, stop stressing and comparing yourselves to others. Help yourselves by becoming good with money as soon as you are able to put energy into this. Do a budget, watch what you spend money on, reduce costs as much as you can - shop around for utilities etc, be aware how little savings can add up hugely.

Look at Moneysaving Expert, everything you need to know about money is there. Start with the budgeting guide and read the weekly email, you'll save so much money, which means more left over to save towards a deposit.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/budget-planning/

Also make sure you open a Lifetime ISA each, even if you can't put much money in it right now, as you get free money from the government towards your house deposit when it comes to buying.

Good luck!

OP comparison is the thief of joy. Try to ignore your parents, the fact is life is very different now compared to when they were in their late 20s/30s. My parents for instance bought the house they live in now for £70k, it’s not worth £450k, they’ve owned it for about 35 years, clearly the value has gone up way faster than inflation. Just shows things aren’t as affordable for us as they were for them.

That being said, even though your hubby earns a good salary, that must be about 45k plus a year, you’ve found yourselves in a few debt traps such as credit cards and planned O/D. If you can knock those on the head, you’ll be able to save. Most banks o/ds are 39.9% I know there are some lower but still it’s a lot in interest. Credit cards, exactly the same.

Are you smart with this? Have you looked at 0% balance transfers and thought about a debt consolidation loan? Chances are payments will be less than you are paying in Charges. When you clear yourselves of debt you can start living within your means and properly budgeting xx

*now worth

You're not doing anything wrong, you're just doing it earlier than most in terms of having kids and that's a pretty good idea because you will still be young when they're out of childcare and less dependent (from when my youngest turned 8 and oldest 11, they have got much less needy from a parenting POV).

As others have said, there is no point comparing, everyone has different stresses and things going on.

It sounds like you have a good overview of your financial position now, and that's a good start, so you will get to where you want to, and probably at the same time as many others anyway.

Things were much easier for our parent's generation - the large detached house I grew up in cost x1.3 my dad's salary. Our current, terraced house cost x8 both our salaries! So really don't compare with generation above.

I think the thing is you’ve had children young and are currently surviving on one salary. That’s going to put the brakes on a lot of your plans.
We live in a smallish house that is mortgaged and I admit I see others my age and feel a bit jealous we haven’t moved on from our ‘starter’ home but I have to remind myself we’ve had 2 kids in 3 years, at one stage we were paying close to £2k a month in nursery fees!
It’s so easy sometimes to forget how fortunate you are, think of it this way, you’ve got enough to get by, you’ll have 2 lovely kids and a husband and by the time you’re 30 they’ll be at school and you can get back on track.

Yes, forgot to say, get rid of the overdraft, the interest on these are now very high. Again, Moneysavingexpert gives advice on this.

There are a few tricks you can do to avoid using your overdraft or paying interest on borrowing, so it's really beneficial to get savvy with this as its avoiding money going down the drain on literally nothing.

If you are an accountant @Mikadua23 then you've got some handle on how the basics of family budgeting works. If you'd held off starting a family and accrued a bit more savings, eg 5 years of your earnings, then of course you could be in a similar position to your neighbours.