Sexual abuse and harrassment rife among children, report finds

[noblegiraffe]

I wasn't entirely sure where to put this thread - not in education because it really isn't, despite being an Ofsted report, about schools. Not feminism, because although girls are disproportionately affected, it affects boys too.

Ofsted have just released their rapid review of Sexual Abuse in Schools and Colleges following a request from the DfE after the 'Everyone's Invited' website highlighted the issue.

Unwanted touching, sexual assault, being sent 'dick pics', pressure to send nudes, sexist name-calling. All widespread.

The report says a lot of teachers are unaware of the scale of the issue, so I imagine that a lot of parents are too. These figures are horrifying.

There's a lot of discussion in the report about what schools can do to educate pupils about appropriate behaviour. However, a lot of this stuff is happening outside of school. Rape and assault at parties, pressure to 'send nudes' over whatsapp. Collections of pictures being passed around.

Parents need to be having conversations with their children. Have you discussed this sort of thing with your child? Some children said that it was so commonplace that they saw no point in reporting.

It really is worth reading the Ofsted report. www.gov.uk/government/publications/review-of-sexual-abuse-in-schools-and-colleges/review-of-sexual-abuse-in-schools-and-colleges

Typo in title. Harassment.

Thank you. This is really important. I will look at the ofsted report.

There's no surprises for me there. I'm a bit surprised that people are surprised. But then again, we've been having these conversations with our girls for years. We've had our 12 year old perved at in front of us by two lecherous middle aged men (boy, they didn't enjoy that experience once our daughters went to the toilet, and I had a word with them).

Our kids need to know they can talk about these things with us. From a hell of a lot younger age than many people think. You want to keep your kids innocent, because they're just kids? I guarantee your kids are a lot more aware and have already had to deal with this kind of behaviour on their own then. Because other kids don't see them that way. Nor do lowlife predators. They don't care.

They need to know we'll have their backs, that they don't have to deal with these shark, crocodile, snake and scorpion infested waters alone.

It's a depressing read tbh.

8 out of 10 people polled said that responsibility for the sexual misconduct of boys lies with parents.

"This poll finds that the vast majority of people agree and believe that, ultimately, responsibility for their children's behaviour, including when it comes to sexual misconduct, lies with parents. Indeed, parents are the biggest influencers on their children, and so are the best people to teach them social skills, about relationships and how to show respect for others."

He added: "Moving the discussion about parenting and parenting skills into the mainstream, and adopting a public health approach, will destigmatise and normalise it, and help parents realise that it's OK to ask for help."

www.tes.com/news/exclusive-boys-sexual-misconduct-not-down-teachers-schools-sex-abuse-everyone%27s-invited

Does anyone know of resources for parents?

No title amendment required, encouraging minors to send nudes, groping, rape and unwanted predatory attention is in my mind abuse.

It’s sickening and as a parent of a dd I’ve had discussions from an early age about safety, body awareness and the pants rule.
I’ll have many more discussions as she gets older and do my best to insure she doesn’t have to deal with the things I had to as a mid teen back in the 90’s. This has been going on for years, social media and smartphones have just made it all so much easier 😞

Thank you for posting this.

As an ex secondary teacher I’m really not surprised. In my experience SLT tend to minimise such behaviour.

I actually disagree, that it's the responsibility of the parents. Young people need to be made very aware of what constitutes abusive behaviour, and that they will be held to account for their abusive behaviour. I feel it's their parents responsibility to enforce and explain this, not to be held culpable for their poor behaviour, which is just another way for individuals to dodge the consequential bullet that arises from their actions. It's important that parents are not complicit in seeking to enable their offspring to avoid the consequences of their actions, and to make it very clear that they will not act to do so.

Talking to our children about sex, about consent, about how it's not okay to pull someone's hair because you like them, or excusing them having their hair pulled because obviously they like you, all this shit. . . that's parents, that's teachers, that's peers.

Is anyone actually surprised by this? I think we’d have to have our eyes firmly closed to think that this isn’t happening.

People who sexually harrass etc don’t just turn into these people on their 18th Birthday.

My 16 yo dd says that she's often sent 'dick pics' and she's been catcalled since she was 12.
My 14 yo ds is being educated at home about how to behave around girls/women and wouldn't dream of behaving like this.
I think it's my role as a mum to ensure that my son grows up respecting others. Thankfully he's a great kid.

Well, 5 years ago when Ofsted failed to act the select committee was horrified and Ofsted seem pretty appalled by the magnitude of what they found. Not sure we should be underplaying it as 'why is anyone surprised?' tbh. that's part of the 'normalisation' process which stops people tackling things

According to Miller, the government at the time [2016] was so shocked by the evidence gathered by the committee that it amended guidance to schools on dealing with sexual harassment before the report was even complete, then went on to issue new guidance.

I can not see how this is surprising at all when young girls get attention from men in their school uniform walking to school. There is no regulation on teens being able to watch any sort of porn on the net, so think it is all normal. If grown men can't behave around school girls and teens have no where to see what a loving relationship/sex is on tv/Internet, parents don't stand a chance in helping.

Absolutely. I started having early conversations about unwanted touching from when DS was very young. Now he's 11, it's not about unwanted tickles/cuddles any more. He knows about consent and knows what to do if he sees a girl being harassed in any way. Whether he will do it is another matter. But yeah - I developed early (around 12) and the grabbing started early.

It is not surprising. It is, however, chilling.

Agree about SLT (and some parents) minimising this. We had trouble with boys on the bus watching hardcore porn, showing the pics to girls and saying that this is what we want to do to you. The school just said it was off premises and one of the dads thought it was hilarious. They took it a step too far though by screenshoting images and sending them to the girls, the police were suprisingly fab and came down on them like a ton of bricks. The school didn't back the police up with further suggested punishments. The head of year is young, sees himself as a bit of a lad and doesn't take this stuff seriously.

I’m sure what I see in schools is the tip of the iceberg.

I have a feeling SLT minimise because if they actually dealt with this behaviour, they would be utterly overwhelmed within 1 hour.

@MNHQ is there anything that Mumsnet can do to support parents with talking to their children about this? Invite someone for a web chat?

[quote noblegiraffe]@MNHQ is there anything that Mumsnet can do to support parents with talking to their children about this? Invite someone for a web chat?[/quote]
Hi @noblegiraffe - thanks for this. We contributed to the report by summarising Mumsnet users' views for the OFSTED team and one of our recommendations (reflected in the final report) was that parents need really clear guidance, both from OFSTED and from their own schools, about what steps will be taken and how the process will work when situations like this arise.

We're having a follow-up meeting with OFSTED so we'll bring this up, but in the meantime if you have any suggestions for experts who might be able to outline what a best practice process would look like (or answer other questions on this) do let us know and we'll see what we can do.

I do think it's also a feminist issue, even though some of the victims will be boys, because one of the very clear messages from these charts is that the vast majority of boys don't even see or believe that most of these things are happening. Even assuming (and hoping) that the perpetrators of sexual abuse are in the minority, how are so many boys unaware of what their male friends and classmates are doing, of what their female friends (or siblings) are experiencing? Do they not ask, not listen, not believe, or just don't have close enough relationships with the opposite sex for them to feel that they can talk?

Thanks @RowanMumsnet good to hear that you were consulted as part of the report.

It's pretty shocking, but I can't think of who would be able to advise parents on this. If a parent asked for support with child mental health, online grooming, drugs or similar, I can think of websites I would direct them to for support.

Maybe you could get Amanda Spielman of Ofsted on for a webchat? She's just made some comments about girls 'laughing off' being sent dick pics which she's had to clarify today. She might appreciate the chance to explain directly?

It's frustrating that it's an Ofsted report because it implies that it is something that needs to be tackled in schools whereas parents also have a huge role to play.

Hi @RowanMumsnet

These people are great:

genderfriendly.co.uk/

Ofsted ignored this for too long. So much damage is being done on a daily basis in schools. Appalling.