Page 2 | What would stop you from moving abroad?

Plantsandwine · 2021-06-10T13:14:21+00:00

My husband and I have got two children (a 7 month old and a 2 year old). We have a mortgage for a house, are both teachers and are quite comfortable at the moment for money. We are considering moving abroad to Singapore to teach in two years. We haven't really thought it through yet but living abroad is something we would both love to do. Pros: see a new culture, don't have to worry about formal education as children are still very young, can go to holidays in Asia for cheaper Cons: the unknown, work life balance, we are comfortable at the moment in a nice house (although we would put our house up for rent while we are away). Would you move abroad? Why or why not?

Frogcorset · 10/06/2021 17:40

Nothing would stop me, though as a pp said, there are obviously individual countries that don't appeal for various reasons. I've lived outside of my home country since the mid-1990s, some of that time in various parts of the UK, some in a couple of different parts of France, Italy, the US, and (briefly and unpleasantly) the ME. I pick up languages easily enough and speak French and Italian fluently, and Arabic passably. Singapore wouldn't appeal to me, as too much of an obvious 'expat bubble', but you obviously feel it would work for you, so there's no reason not to.

We're going to stay where we are for the moment, because of DS's education and friendships, but we'll definitely move on again sooner or later, because there's nothing I like better than a new language, a new landscape, a whole new set of travel opportunities.

BonnyandPoppy · 10/06/2021 17:51

We have and I would again. The uk is not that great especially the health system here.

GrandmasCat · 10/06/2021 17:59

What would stop me… relationships are anchored to the context on which they developed, if you change the context, the relationship will be altered one way or another. It may be that you become closer or that you end splitting up.

If you split up, neither of you would be able to get the children out of Singapore without the consent of the other. A removal of jurisdiction process is massively expensive and, most times, unsuccessful so… you may end up trapped over there unless you leave the kids behind or if we consider the worst case scenario, one may end up progressing financially more than the other, I have known SAHM terrified of being deported after a split as they wouldn’t have the funds or income to keep their visas.

willstarttomorrow · 10/06/2021 18:46

I think having children and a partner makes it harder, you need to balance everyone. We were thinking about it before DH died. DC was still in primary then and we had got to a place finacially to make it work. It would have been to SE Asia as we had family there and it would have been an amazing base to explore the world for a bit.
Now I am a single parent and realistically my job would not move abroad accept in a voluntary capacity due to language and legal differences. I would move to Europe in a heartbeat except for 1) job wise not possible so lottery win, 2) Brexit makes it bloody hard.

stuntfarter · 10/06/2021 19:08

@Plantsandwine
Used to like the idea of Australia / NZ / Singapore/ Sri Lanka and did look into buying a business in Grand Bahama many years ago , not sure now but open to ideas ! So many lovely places to live
As you get older some doors close whilst others open

MistySkiesAfterRain · 10/06/2021 19:12

My friends did and are coming back soon after a decade teaching at international schools. From what I can tell, they had affordable childcare (a nanny who also did cooking) and had better paid jobs than they would have here.

Hoppinggreen · 10/06/2021 19:13

My pets.
My dog would hate living somewhere hot and I couldn’t even consider putting him on a plane. Same for the cats

Original poster

Plantsandwine · 10/06/2021 19:31

@GrandmasCat

What would stop me… relationships are anchored to the context on which they developed, if you change the context, the relationship will be altered one way or another. It may be that you become closer or that you end splitting up.

If you split up, neither of you would be able to get the children out of Singapore without the consent of the other. A removal of jurisdiction process is massively expensive and, most times, unsuccessful so… you may end up trapped over there unless you leave the kids behind or if we consider the worst case scenario, one may end up progressing financially more than the other, I have known SAHM terrified of being deported after a split as they wouldn’t have the funds or income to keep their visas.

Isn't that a bit drastic? Splitting up is huge, my husband and I are happily married, I don't see why we would split up just because we were living in another country

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Original poster

Plantsandwine · 10/06/2021 19:33

@Sometimesonly

With children your age and for two years then yes, I probably would. As it is I am closer to retirement and would like to retire to France but dh is not keen!

This is what I was discussing with my husband... by the time the older one is 10 i want to really be back in England ready for them to start secondary school. If we wait until they have finished secondary school we will be close to retirement!! I would love to be able to explore a new country and travel a bit around SE Asia with our little girls.

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Shelddd · 10/06/2021 19:42

I've lived in 3 countries (my home country, partners home country, and UK). We were planning on ending up in EU somewhere but post brexit not as easy so not sure anymore. We move around quite a bit but no kids yet. Before they're in school I gotta imagine it'll be easier but once they're in school you probably don't want to move them more than once or twice or not at all obviously would be ideal. For us we will settle once we have kids and they're school age until they go to uni and just spend the summers away if we have that desire, at least that's what we have discussed.

I probably would go to Singapore if I was in your situation. Why not, life is short. If every year is the same you look back and all the memories blend together.

motogogo · 10/06/2021 19:51

But do consider childcare there if needed is different, attitudes might be different eg my friend had issues that her nanny would slap her ds. Another thing is health care, both there and when you get back there's a requalification period for residency. Are you going to rent your house if so check with your lender.

I lived overseas with mine at that ages, brilliant ... go buy have eyes open.

willstarttomorrow · 10/06/2021 20:31

Personally OP, if I was in your position I would do it. You both have jobs to go to, your children are young enough and a 2 year commitment is nothing. You do not mention if you have property here, that may complicate things a bit if you need to rent out as it is a bit of a hassle. It will get harder as your children get older and as long as you can sort out childcare/schooling it is very likely to be a positive experience for you all as long as you do your research. Be open minded. If you only look at highly regarded international schools for example it is likely to be unaffordable. At your children are so young this is not so much of a consideration.

Life is very different in SE Asia and that may not sit comfortably- you can employ staff and tutors v cheaply and my BIL always justified it as he was paying wages they were grateful for. Tbh, he was always a bit of a wanker and had to justify everything when he landed with us for 6 months, not paying a penny. Because despite being the big 'I am' in the country he settled in he never paid health insurance, so had to head home treatment for a critical heart condition.

MaverickDanger · 10/06/2021 20:34

We spent our twenties living abroad - together in 3 countries and DH in a couple more.

With children, it now seems a lot more tricky in terms of stability. I’d only move to Australia now where we would not have the issue of losing jobs/visas/getting kicked out of the country.

We saw a lot of that in Singapore where people had long term visas rejected and had a month to leave.

Frazzled2207 · 10/06/2021 20:35

I lives in 3 different countries in my 20s...but then I had the DCs. Both dh and I agree that we couldn’t take the kids away from their grandparents.

lalamo · 10/06/2021 20:39

This is so interesting to me as I would never move abroad in a million years. I love UK climate (I know, I know). Democracy and rule of law v important to me too so I know that a closed state like Singapore would trouble me greatly. I would hate to be away from my friends and family. I would hate to separate my DC from their friends too. I like the NHS and UK teaching system. I love to travel and have done so v extensively. But when the holiday or work trip ends I'm over the moon to come home.

KatharinaRosalie · 11/06/2021 07:01

If you're saying it's because of friends and children's friends, this pretty much means you can't move out of the village you were born in - because just a change of school means that their friendships change - we changed schools last year and even if the new one is just 10 minutes away, they've really only kept one friend each from the old one. Same with adults really - if you are used to living next door to your friend, then the relationship will change if you can no longer just pop in - whether you're 2 hours away in another county or in Australia.

Original poster

Plantsandwine · 11/06/2021 09:35

@KatharinaRosalie

If you're saying it's because of friends and children's friends, this pretty much means you can't move out of the village you were born in - because just a change of school means that their friendships change - we changed schools last year and even if the new one is just 10 minutes away, they've really only kept one friend each from the old one. Same with adults really - if you are used to living next door to your friend, then the relationship will change if you can no longer just pop in - whether you're 2 hours away in another county or in Australia.

Very true, I guess I am just slightly worried as all my friends have stayed in the same village all of their life or gone away and come back so all have known each other since primary school. I moved around a lot due to my dad's jobs so only started to make friendships in secondary school. But you are right, it is just the same as moving to a different location in England.

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Hoppinggreen · 11/06/2021 09:50

@KatharinaRosalie

If you're saying it's because of friends and children's friends, this pretty much means you can't move out of the village you were born in - because just a change of school means that their friendships change - we changed schools last year and even if the new one is just 10 minutes away, they've really only kept one friend each from the old one. Same with adults really - if you are used to living next door to your friend, then the relationship will change if you can no longer just pop in - whether you're 2 hours away in another county or in Australia.

My DD had a BFF who lives next door but 1. They were born within months of eachother and were inseparable despite going to different schools They started to drift apart from about 10/11 and now hardly speak. Friendships really do change so quickly for children and are largely driven by the parents. I wouldn’t let children’s friendships stop me from moving if that were the only thing

Original poster

Plantsandwine · 11/06/2021 10:08

@hoppinggreen thank you so much for your message, that makes me feel less guilty about my daughters friendships.
Also, my daughters are only 15 months apart so will always have each other no matter where we go :)

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KatharinaRosalie · 11/06/2021 14:36

Preschool and primary age children make friends so easily, that really would not worry me at all.

And I've found that it's also super easy to make friends if you live in a place with a large expat community. They all need to make new friends, so people are open and willing to socialise. Totally different kettle of fish if you are the only newcomer in a village where everyone else has been friends since kindergarten.

socalledfriend · 21/06/2021 13:23

I would be worried about the legal situation if the relationship broke down. Would I be able to leave with the DC?

Original poster

Plantsandwine · 21/06/2021 13:43

@KatharinaRosalie

Preschool and primary age children make friends so easily, that really would not worry me at all.

And I've found that it's also super easy to make friends if you live in a place with a large expat community. They all need to make new friends, so people are open and willing to socialise. Totally different kettle of fish if you are the only newcomer in a village where everyone else has been friends since kindergarten.

Yes true, hopefully my children would make friends easily abroad. I do worry about coming back and them not knowing anyone when a little older... but if I thought like that we wouldn't move anywhere!!

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Original poster

Plantsandwine · 21/06/2021 13:43

@socalledfriend

I would be worried about the legal situation if the relationship broke down. Would I be able to leave with the DC?

Why would our relationship break down? We are really happy together and have two children. Obviously things can happen but I wouldn't think that would be a reason to not move abroad.

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socalledfriend · 21/06/2021 16:51

@Plantsandwine

You obviously haven't spent much time on the Relationships board. This issue crops up on practically a daily basis.

Very few people get married and have children thinking their relationship will break down. The current stats for England and Wales are that 42% of marriages end in divorce.