Bad experience at dentist, can't shake it off

[GnomeyGnome]

I'll start this by saying that my dental problems are of my own doing. I know this and feel awful.

Years ago I had a bad experience at the dentist which made me too scared to go back. Just the thought of even making an appointment caused me to panic. As the years have gone on I've tried to look after my teeth but obviously not well enough. I've had a tough few years but things are getting better now and I want to set a good example for my kids so decided it was time to get my teeth looked at. It took me a long time to build up the nerve to book the appointment but I did and managed to get a check up. Explained my fears to the dentist and he was lovely. I need an extraction and 2 fillings.

Went back on Monday for the fillings and dentist used local anaesthetic on one side for the deep filling but said the one on the other side was so small there was no need for anaesthetic. He started drilling then suddenly I experienced a really sharp pain in the tooth. I put my hand up for him to stop and explained it hurt but he said it shouldn't be hurting it was just vibrations. He started again and again the pain came and I sort of jerked. He again said "No, there's no reason for it to hurt, we'll be done in a minute". I felt so ridiculous at that point because I was obviously just being a baby so I didn't say anything else and let him carry on. My whole body began shaking, so much so that the nurse had to (gently) hold my shoulder to try to steady me. When it was finally over he explained that the decay was a lot deeper than he initially thought so he'd had to drill more than anticipated but all looked good now. He did the other filling and I didn't feel that one. Finished up, paid and left.

As soon as I walked out I began crying and I've been emotional since then. I keep crying for no reason. I was so proud of myself for working through the fear and looking after my teeth again but now I feel like the fear is even worse and the thought of going back in 6 months makes me want to throw up.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom, things that have helped them overcome fears of the dentist? I think it's the feeling of helplessness while I'm sitting in the chair that is the most awful thing for me. Sorry this is so long. I feel ridiculous.

I have no fear of dentists and never had a bad experience but last week l was getting a small procedure with no numbing and the bloody drill was horribly painful and if it had continued much longer l would have been in deep distress. That dentist was out of order not injecting you first knowing your history. And he doesn't get to decide what is painful for you..you are the one feeling it. I would hate if l asked him to stop and he didn't as it would nearly cause me to panic as feel trapped.
You had plenty of reason to be upset and then him saying it was worst than he thought!!
I know someone who lectures in the Dental Hospital and they're speciality is teaching about working with nervous patients and those who have had a bad experience. These dentists would do well to remember their training.

I did not go to a dentist for almost 30 years for exactly the reason you describe in your OP. I had to have a filling and the dentist used the bare minimum of LA. I was screaming in pain and the bastard stood there laughing and told me "ha! next time you come in I'll just pull them all out and then you'll have something to complain about!!"

Over the last couple of years I have had all sorts of problems, so at the end of May I plucked up the courage to go and get my teeth sorted. The dentist I found is amazing. He listened to why I was terrified and was very calm when I vomited. When I finally had to have the procedure last week he used numbing gel before applying 3 times the normal dose of LA as he did not want to trigger any flashbacks. I have to go back again next week and although I am still very nervous I know that I can do it.

I work in dentistry.

If the fillings were on either side we don't like to numb both sides at the same time. There are risk with this itself.

The dentist should have stopped, but I worry you weren't affective enough? I know you were scared but you shouldn't have let him carry on. This dentist probably thought that it wasn't as painful and you could tolerate it.

I'm sorry this happened to you. And don't be scared to go back x

assertive*

I agree with @Noway100 that the Adrenalin can make you feel much worse. It's a good explanation for why OP couldn't assert herself and then couldn't stop crying.

Op I have problems going to the dentist that have gotten worse.

He was out of order not listening to you when you said it hurts. Yes, they don't like to numb both sides, but as he said, it was deeper than he thought - you saying you were in pain should have helped sign post this and he should have listened to you.

Only you can decide if you can go back there, with the understanding that you feel your pain not him, or if you need to find someone else.

I have to see the hygienist regularly and even then struggle. I have now found a lovely one who understands and was very proud of me last time when I made it all the way through without any tears

I make it really clear how difficult I find it. I also have earphones in, normally I have calming music, last time tried a random mix on YouTube which I found didn't seem to work as well so will be back to the calming stuff next time, which also helps with my breathing.

Wish I was in the US, seem to have more pain relief than us, would love gas and goggles with a movie on!

[quote S0upertrooper]@Noway100, did you mean your comment to sound so rude?

Adrenalin can make some folk feel shaky and cry. The OP reported she was crying.[/quote]
She was crying because he hurt her and didn't care.

You poor thing. I've never had treatment without anaesthetic and would refuse to. Like you I had big gaps in between visits, as a childhood dentist had been a torturous bitch and put me off going the dentist for years. I've had fillings replaced in recent years and cannot imagine not being numbed for them. I'm not sure I'd be able to return to that dentist to be honest. If it's possible to get on a list elsewhere, then try that. And be sure that wherever you do go (even if it's back to the same one) that you say straight away that you will not have treatment without being numbed. I even dread getting them cleaned but I don't think I'd get away with asking to be numbed for that, mores the pity.

No advice but ive had a very very similar experience with a dentist. Clearlybtheybthibknthey know everything when they don't. I changed dentist.

Omg ^ I really should check before posting 🤪

That sounds awful OP

I have a dental phobia so I know what it’s like. As a child I had a horrible orthodontist who made me cry (seriously worst bedside manners ever). I also had an awful experience when a dentist didn’t check if the local had taken effect before extracting one of my back teeth. I literally jumped in the chair due to the pain.

God I'm so sorry this happened I'm not surprised you cried after
I think I'd do the same
I have a phobia of the dentist too
I can't give advice as I'm really bad but sending you strength

My dentist knows I'm terrified and always numbs my mouth if I need a filling.
I have a small mouth and my fillings are in between teeth.
I bought a water pick which shoots water between my teeth so I can get any debris out easily.
So much easier than dental floss.

People feel pain differently. next time just ask to be numbed first. Problem solved - don’t think this warrants a complaint tbf.

And some of these comments really aren’t helping.

@cupoteap if you want American dentistry then you’ll have to get used to the American prices. Equivilant to over a grand for a root canal vs £65 on the NHS…

I absolutely think this would deserve a complaint actually, if OP feels able to

Jeez. Why on earth did he think he could tell you what your own pain threshold was?!

I had a temp filling done the other day with no anaesthesia - also had decayed tooth and my dentist wouldn't go too deep becos it would've got near the nerve and would've then needed a anaesthetic!

I changed to a female dentist, and the treatment is always very comfortable.

Thank you for all the replies and I'm so sorry so many of you have had bad experiences also.
I hadn't even thought about complaining, I completely blame myself for not being assertive enough but as simple as it may seem to some people, when you're that scared it's really hard to speak up. The more I think about it now though the more cross I am that he didn't stop when I told him I was in pain, it took a lot for me to go there and this feels like it has set me back massively.

I get it OP

Had a bad experience with a school dentist, in a little caravan, a horrible man with a bitchy sarcastic nurse.

Put me off having check-ups for years.

You could also flip this, op. You could say yes I cried, but I bloody well did it!! Actually braver than most people, and only went and had a filling with no injection! How cool am I?! I did it!!

I just wanted to add that you should STILL feel proud of yourself. Bravery isn’t about not being scared, it’s about feeling scared and facing your fears anyway! You did it!! You took control. You got through it. You did ace!!!

All dentists are not the same basically whether in skill level or empathy level. Whilst it is great that OP went along despite her phobia, she was very unlucky to meet a dentist who despite appearing 'nice' and gaining her trust, then went on to inflict unnecessary pain on her. I do not think she should return to this same dentist.
I totally get how hard it is to assert yourself in that situation but the OP should be able to rely on the dentist caring about her comfort level. It sounds like she does actually have grounds to allege assault but if she didn't directly use a stop signal and then agree to continue or tell them to 'get off me' (hard in that position) , it might be best to just send a complaint letter to the practice saying she has lost confidence in dentist's ability to keep her comfortable during treatment asking to see the Principal (owner) dentist for the extraction (assuming she didn't see that person). The dental nurse holding her head to keep her still is also extremely concerning...it smacks of restraint.
As with awful childbirth stories, it saddens me that these experiences are still so frequent. If OP can afford it, she really should choose her own dentist on her own terms and go private. That really is the only way I have found to work and guarantee a pleasant experience.