School staff and mates holiday

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So, a group of lifelong friends now all with grown up children have been planning to go on holiday to celebrate a big birthday.

It's been talked about and saved for for more than 2 years. Holiday is planned for next summer.

One of the three works in school, so they have to go in school holidays. Annoying but that's how it is and the friend has worked in schools for 30 years so not a surprise.

On going to book, they have discovered (although again can't be a surprise) that the holiday is £600 more expensive in the holidays.

The two other friends have decided to go in term time. School staff friend has put in a request for unpaid leave but it was declined (and would have cost her more than £600).

I'm not part of the group but know those involved and am "hearing" a lot about it from the different parties.

I think in their shoes I'd have paid the extra to go when all three could go, but maybe £600 isn't as much to me as it is to them and I'm used to having to pay peak prices.

I'd be devastated if I was the excluded friend, having been involved in all the planning, but maybe school staff just know they have to accept this kind of thing. I've missed trips with large groups of friends for this reason, but my close friends have also arranged breaks to include me in school holidays.

Or is it the school that's unreasonable and everyone was expecting it to be agreed?

I’d have not excluded the friend and have paid the extra.

I don’t think the school are being unreasonable in not granting leave whatsoever.

The grown up children are relevant because that means they have the freedom to go. They children aren't going them! It's a first grown ups holiday in decades iyswim

School is not being unreasonable.

Unpaid leave for a holiday in term time would be rare tbh and definitely not expected. it's only for special reasons where it will be granted ime.

The teacher would never have expected it to be agreed to.

The schools I've worked in allow fuck all. Even to the point one head of faculty had booked a holiday and paid for it, and it was over A-Level results day
They tried to say they couldn't attend the results day because of the pre-booked holiday. School told them to fuck off and be there, the results day was not a surprise (this teacher absolutely knows when A-Level results day...they have been a teacher for 20+years), her being there was compulsory. she had to fly home half way through her holiday to come in a e present for results day enquiries.

I think staff member was hoping a big birthday was a special reason.

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I think staff member was hoping a big birthday was a special reason.

LOL.

No.

Are they new???

Special reasons.... Maybe if their child was getting married. Or they had to attend a funeral of a parent overseas...

To have a birthday party? Nope.

No, worked in schools for 30 years, although TBF our head does allow occasional long weekends for special birthdays.

Personally, I think it's the friends who are unreasonable.

The school is completely reasonable. Unpaid leave is only granted for exceptional circumstances, not just for a holiday.

It's extremely unkind for the 2 friends to decide to go in term time and leave the 3rd friend out.

It would be ok to consider a break or a trip, check out prices at an early stage and decide to go in term time.

But if this was being planned for 2 years and they had all been saving for 2 years, then they should all be going together. If it's unaffordable for 2 of them, then they should save harder, save for longer or go on a different, more affordable holiday.

If I was the excluded friend, I would be incredibly hurt by this. It shows how little they value her friendship.

If the person has worked in schools for 30 years, then they know it is never going to be allowed, so they were BU to ask.

Who was BU or otherwise in managing each other of the friends expectations is less clear. Maybe there was a little bit too much assuming on everyone's part - the non school staff assuming they could get leave / the school staff member assuming other people understand that is a no-no. We don't know.

I think, if it was an important special birthday that meant it was important the 3 friends were together, they could potentially have looked at doing something cheaper, in the holidays. If it was that one person wanted to visit X place for their big birthday, then it is a shame the member of school staff can't join them, but it goes with the job.

Of course the school isn't being unreasonable but the friends most certainly are.

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No, worked in schools for 30 years, although TBF our head does allow occasional long weekends for special birthdays.

Personally, I think it's the friends who are unreasonable.

Well, your head is very, very unusual in my experience!

Not a chance in hell a school would give this. One school I worked in, wouldn't let a guy miss a Saturday morning prize giving to be his best mates best man.. Just so he could be one of 50 in a procession. But it's the way it is. I think the friends are BU. It's been a long time in the planning, surely they all knew this. I always felt bad, as a group of friends of mine, all non teachers, paid £££ more on more than one occasion so we could go skiing in school hols. But they did it, because they value me as a friend.

I don't think anyone is being unreasonable as such, its just a shitty situation. The non school tied friends don't want to pay the extra £600. The school worker cannot go during term time. The school cannot be seen to have a staff member away during school time.

It's a real shame that something like this could leave a shadow on a friendship and what is supposed to be an amazing holiday.

I'm genuinely surprised that none of the 3 factored this the term time only/costs into three planning, as holidays as more expensive during term holidays.