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Original poster

Weird or cute? (New date)

23 replies

Belttya · 09/06/2021 18:32

Dating someone the last few weeks and recently went to his house. Hidden under a pile of books at the bottom (I wasn’t snooping, I’m book obsessed and he was in the room while I was browsing), there was a book about what women want...I looked up the title afterwards and the book is all about how to navigate relationships with women, how to date, what to wear, how to talk to women, sex, etc etc. He’s 41 and I’m his first ‘more than three months dating’... it’s made me feel weird about him and I don’t know why?!

Weird or cute?!

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 09/06/2021 18:33

Would you be shocked if you saw a self-help book in your female friend's home?

Ytrigging · 09/06/2021 18:34

Weird. People don't come with instructions and he wouldn't be looking for them if he recognised that you're an autonomous individual.

Palavah · 09/06/2021 18:36

I'd think it a good sign that he wanted to learn.

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Spied · 09/06/2021 18:36

I'd be ok with that.
Hopefully the nook has worked.

BadgeronaMoped · 09/06/2021 18:37

I think it's cute, maybe he's just not found the right person yet and thought a book might help himself? I suppose it all depends on whether he's nice (not creepy) in other ways.

Original poster
Belttya · 09/06/2021 18:37

@HollowTalk probably surprised but I’d expect it more with a woman! I know that’s a bit unfair but I’ve never known a man to buy a book like that. It was literally a step by step guide to every part of a relationship.

He also gave me a bracelt last week that he had bought a year ago because he liked it and ‘one day wanted to give it to someone special.’ Weird or cute??!

OP posts:
BadgeronaMoped · 09/06/2021 18:37

Him... not himself. Thanks phone.

spacegirl123 · 09/06/2021 18:39

Maybe he's trying to work on himself, or maybe it was bought for him?

Original poster
Belttya · 09/06/2021 18:39

In fact the bracelet thing was even stranger really?!

OP posts:
FindingMeno · 09/06/2021 18:41

Nothing wrong with the book as such.
I would feel very aware of a responsibility not to let him feel more serious than things are.

Atalune · 09/06/2021 18:41

He sounds lonely.

Original poster
Belttya · 09/06/2021 18:47

In fact the bracelet thing is stranger really?!

OP posts:
WouldBeGood · 09/06/2021 18:49

Maybe the book was a gift?

The bracelet thing is pretty weird though.

Mydarlingmyhamburger · 09/06/2021 18:53

I actually think it’s cute. It sounds like he’s been single and lonely for a long time. He’s probably bought the book to see if there’s anything he’s doing that’s putting women off. I think it’s nice that he bought a bracelet with the thought he’d hope he’d have someone special to give it to one day, and now he’s given it to you. None of this would put me off

ProcrastinationStation3 · 09/06/2021 18:54

Book wouldn't be bother me, I know of a few men who own similar bought for them by friends/ siblings as a joke.

Bracelet sounds weirder to me - as you've described it anyway. Though it could depend on context maybe... How long have you actually been dating? first you say a few weeks, then you say more than three months..

It sounds like you're not comfortable with it anyway which is really what's important.

Amdone123 · 09/06/2021 19:04

Neither the book nor the bracelet would bother me.
Sometimes men just can't win ! They are damned if they do and damned if they don't.

spacegirl123 · 09/06/2021 19:05

I don't find the bracelet weird at all - he sounds very thoughtful and clearly wants to find someone special to love. I mean there are plenty of assholes out there who couldn't care less about how to make a woman happy in a relationship. He sounds sweet, but you seem very suspicious of him. If he's not for you perhaps it's better to call it off now?

Nietzschethehiker · 09/06/2021 19:06

I think things like the bracelet could by why he bought the book. Things like that feel "off" and he may realise something isn't working with his approach but doesn't realise why he is coming across as intense and he's trying to learn (clearly slowly because he still gave you the bracelet!).

Meh men aren't born with an inbuilt knowledge of how to navigate relationships anymore than we are. Kudos for trying to learn.

It does sound likes he is quite attached to be fair and a little focused on finding a relationship.

The bracelet issue I would keep an eye on but the book isn't a red flag for me

5128gap · 09/06/2021 19:14

Neither. He sounds to be just an inexperienced man who badly wants a relationship. Alhough thats not weird, it wouldn't be for me.

MWNA · 09/06/2021 19:28

Sounds like you're trying really hard to find ways to not like him.
He sounds thoughtful. Perhaps you're used to more shitty behaviour.

FrenchieFromGrease · 09/06/2021 19:59

He sounds nice. At least the book was about how to make a woman happy in a relationship and not some Pick Up Artist 'here's how to pressure a woman to go out with you' book.

If you don't like him then break up with him, but he doesn't seem inherently creepy. Some people are just late bloomers.

Forstarters · 09/06/2021 20:08

How has he got to 41 and never had a girlfriend? I’d be worried about that.

Sssloou · 09/06/2021 20:09

He’s 41 and I’m his first ‘more than three months dating’... it’s made me feel weird about him and I don’t know why?!

What does he say is the reason for him not having a RS longer than 3 months?

How many RS has he had? Has he always been the one dumped?

The only person I know like this is a friend who is an alcoholic. She is v attractive, has loads of RS that all go one way at 3 months, I assume because the mask slips.

What are your thoughts - do you think that there is neurodiversity, hidden MH issue, addiction or was there something else going on in his life - ill parent to care for?

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