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Help - issues with partner

16 replies

Youngmum5 · 09/06/2021 13:00

Hello, just want some advice...

I am 27 years old and my partner is 30, we are both married and we have a little baby 1 years old.

I have had some issues with my partner for a few weeks now, mainly my fault, but it was one of my friends birthdays and for her birthday, roughly 10 of us went to a festival but it was seated, although we could stand and take photos and stuff but that was it.

I went with my friends and a random boy with his friends(3 Boys & 2 girls) asked if we wanted them to take our group photos and all my friends let them use there phones to take and eventually we all ended up have like singles with one friend each.

My best friend and I was having photos taken with each other on mine and my friends phone(taken by one boy) and then they’re other friend held the phone and the random boy, his mate and 2 other girls got in the photos with us, I didn’t think I was in the wrong or anything just standing at least a foot in front of my best friend and my best friend next to them as it was just photos.

That was it the photos got taken then we all went back to our tables and didn’t speak to them again(our table wasn’t near there’s).

Anyway I didn’t think anything of it until I got home to my partner, I see the photos on my phone and I was trying to remove the ones with boys in because I thought what’s the point of them being on there, I’m never going to post them. Plus I knew it was wrong on my partner to have had them on my phone and to even stand anywhere near them in photos so I was trying to delete them, my partner asked me what I was doing and because I was a bad liar, I told him the truth and told him I was deleting photos, but there was so many there of my friends in general so I didn’t get to them to delete any, he asked for my phone and he went through them but he thought I had already deleted some so he thought the worst and thought I cheated when I never.

I would never cheat and I’m married with a baby, I don’t commit to something like that lightly.

He believes I didn’t cheat but the fact that I lied trying to hide stuff, he feels like I really have headfucked him, I can’t mention going out with my friends again because it starts a argument, I won’t go out behind his back either but when we argue he almost leaves me, he’s tried to push me away a few times now during arguments but I don’t see it as something serious because I personally know he would not cheat, if he got in photos with girls I wouldn’t mind as long as he tells me the truth.

He thinks I should just be rude to people if they try speak to me, he says I should be because men only speak to you to make chat, but I’m not a nasty person I’m not like that, I don’t care if someone talks to me but if they try speak to me I just let them know I’m not interested as I’m married, so that is clearly a big enough message and I have done that way and men have respected that and left me alone.

He thinks if I go out now I will be tempted to talk to people and he really thinks it just takes to find a spark with someone else to leave him, he obviously doesn’t realise how much he means to me but I tell him all the time.

How do I fix this?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 09/06/2021 13:26

Give your head a wobble.

You think you have done something wrong having photos taken with male friends of friends???

You haven't done anything wrong and it sounds like your partner is controlling if he has a problem with photos like that.

Youngmum5 · 09/06/2021 13:27

No they wasn’t my friends, they was random boys and girls, they didn’t come with me and my friends.

We didn’t know them, they was already there

OP posts:
Youngmum5 · 09/06/2021 13:27

All my friends were only girls.

OP posts:

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RandomMess · 09/06/2021 13:53

It's just an issue at all IMHO

Chickenwing2 · 09/06/2021 14:00

Your partner is making a massive issue out of absolutely nothing. He doesn't get to dictate who you can talk to, male or female. (Irrelevant if they are strangers, there is nothing wrong with having a conversation with people.) He sounds very controlling and looking for an excuse to stop you doing things with friends.

Iceybirb · 09/06/2021 14:06

Wtf? You're not allowed to talk to men?

MistyFrequencies · 09/06/2021 14:14

Your partner is a fuckwit. You may not realize it now but he is. Unless you've cheated on him before and there's a massive back story here (and even if there is it's still dodgy) there is absolutely no reason for him to care if you have your photo taken with anyone.
I'm also married, could literally have my photo taken dry humping Lenny Kravitz's leg and my husband would laugh.
There's either a lack of trust, or he is very controlling. Whichever way this is not good and you really need to think about how you should be treated and what you want from a relationship.

JonahofArk · 09/06/2021 14:15

So all this hassle because you had some photos taken where you're stood near some guys?

Honestly OP, if this is an issue in your relationship then you need to consider if this is a healthy relationship. Are you prepared to potentially spend the next 60/70 years of your life getting in a state every time another man interacts with you?

Fitforforty · 09/06/2021 14:25

Your not allowed to talked to men and your husband starts pushing you. You fix it by leaving.

Shoxfordian · 09/06/2021 14:27

You haven’t done anything wrong at all
He’s controlling and abusive
Ltb

tornadosequins · 09/06/2021 14:29

Fix it by leaving your abusive husband. This isn't normal.

romdowa · 09/06/2021 14:30

Sounds like your partner is controlling. Time to get yourself out of that situation

Mymapuddlington · 09/06/2021 14:32

You come across as quite childlike and your partner is a dick.
You shouldn’t feel guilty, shouldn’t feel like you have to hide anything. You should be able to say ‘oh that’s the group who took the photos for us, they seemed nice enough but we didn’t see them again’ or whatever without fear of what your partner will say or do.
Find some strength to stand up for yourself.

Heartofglass12345 · 09/06/2021 14:44

Jesus Christ I went to Magaluf with my friends and had pictures taken with a man singing karaoke with him, completely drunk. I didn't fancy him nor have sex with him, my husband knew this and didn't bat an eyelid!
He doesn't trust you, you have done nothing wrong and he shouldn't be looking through your phone!

Youngmum5 · 09/06/2021 15:15

I fail to see how anything I have put is childish... I wasn’t asking for a opinion on myself but other then that thank you for your response on everything else.

OP posts:
Mymapuddlington · 09/06/2021 15:20

Not childish, childlike.
As in feeling that it’s wrong to have those photos, wrong to stand near other men, feeling unable to mention going anywhere with friends. The whole boys and girls and he thinks you cheated when you never etc
I think he has made you like that though and you deserve to be with someone who will have faith and trust in you l. Someone who doesn’t go through your phone, accuse you of treating and manipulating you into feeling like the bad guy.

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