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10 replies

Terminallysleepdeprived · 08/06/2021 22:43

Sorry if this sounds utterly pathetic but my dp is working away and has already gone to bed, my parents are away and I have no one else to talk to.

My anxiety levels are off the deep end, I can't stop bursting into tears for no real reason and I can't stop my mind racing.

Dd has a semi serious health condition and takes a particular drug that has been a complete life changer for her but can have life threatening side effects. One being liver issues...she came home from school 2 weeks ago and I couldn't help thinking she had a yellow tinge and have literally been having a constant panic attack ever since.

Hospital were fantastic (gp was not) and got her in almost immediately, ran every conceivable blood test. Her liver is under stress but nothing to do with her condition or the meds directly which was a relief but they don't know why the enzyme that turns you yellow is elevated or why her kidney tests show her as dehydrated. She literally drinks loads and we have bullied her into drinking more than normal over the last 2 weeks.

Back today for more tests to review. Enzyme still nearly double "normal" and her kidneys suggest she is still dehydrated. Everything else they ran is normal. They are taking an educated guess at her brewing a virus and it stressing her system but in all honesty they don't know.

They have been great with her and I, reassuring me that I wasn't going mad, congratulating me on noticing so quickly when to literally everyone else her dad (exdp), her school and the consultant all looked at me like inhad 3 heads when I said she looked yellow...it was only when he lifted her top to check for rashes and saw how pale she naturally is that he understood why I was so worried.

I am probably making nonsense so I am sorry, my brain is racing and I can't quieten it.

I feel like I am falling apart. I can't focus on anything for long. I am so anxious about what is happening to her, isn't safe to send her back to school etc. I am.talking myself onto a breakdown. It's crackers and I feel like I am going mad but I am so ridiculously on edge.

OP posts:

MouseInCatsClaws · 08/06/2021 22:52

Hi op sounds really tough, no wonder you are feeling anxious. It is really impressive that you got your daughter such prompt attention and hopefully she will be fine soon.
Have you ever tried any relaxation exercises when you're on edge like this? I find concentrating on deep abdominal breathing helps. There are loads of guided relaxation on YouTube if you're interested

LadyLolaRuben · 08/06/2021 22:56

Im here OP. Take one minute at a time. Firstly your daughter is being monitored and is under the best care. Well done spotting an issue. You're clearly on the ball. Have you tried breathing out then breathing in through your nose sharply for a second then stopping and breathing in again deeply to complete the breath. The hold for a second then breath out through your mouth relaxing your jaw. Repeat a few times and it really helps with anxiety

Original poster

Terminallysleepdeprived · 08/06/2021 23:13

Thanks. I have suffered an anxiety disorder for years and have tried all the usual suspects to take the edge off, it just isn't easing.
My whole support network is MIA which I think is the biggest thing. I have no support mad due to bloody covid I can't even just roll up at my best mates for a hug...mind she had twins just before Christmas so she has more than enough on her plate. We have barely spoken since the were born and I absolutely know that if I rang and told her how I am she would move heaven and earth to be there for me, but I just can't bring myself to call her. She has so much going on in her own life.

OP posts:

Veronika13 · 09/06/2021 01:23

OP you've done amazing to get the fast care for your daughter. I think imagining alllll possible worst scenarios is making your anxiolytics worse, please try to focus on the 'now', as your brain can't process all possible worst scenarios.

Medicine is incredible nowadays, your daughter is getting best possible care. As soon as you start to get overly anxious of the future, please try to bring your mind back to now.
Also if you can't sleep maybe try to do some simple menial task such as make camomile tea. Listen to anti anxiety talks on Insight time app, it's free.

And talk to us. We're here for you. Sending you a big, long hug ❤️

MouseInCatsClaws · 09/06/2021 05:12

It's such a shame you can't talk to the people you'd normally turn to, bloody covid! I think you should reach out to your friend, even if she's busy she'd want to support you. You'd do the same for her, I'm sure

Original poster

Terminallysleepdeprived · 09/06/2021 20:53

@MouseInCatsClaws

Absolutely. And I tried to talk to her when it first happened but she couldn't talk as the babies were screaming. I suggested maybe we could grab a drink in the evening but apparently her husband can't cope on his own with the kids. I left it as she is clearly stressed and struggling herself.

OP posts:

MouseInCatsClaws · 09/06/2021 23:01

I have twins and I do remember the first year, it was nearly impossible to get time away from. If they have any kind of a routine going, maybe she'd be able to talk while they're napping?
But anyway, how are you today? How're the anxiety levels?

Original poster

Terminallysleepdeprived · 10/06/2021 13:30

@MouseInCatsClaws

I have twins and I do remember the first year, it was nearly impossible to get time away from. If they have any kind of a routine going, maybe she'd be able to talk while they're napping? But anyway, how are you today? How're the anxiety levels?

Thank you xx I am by no means cross etc, she is a bloody hero coping with a 6 year old and 6 month old twins. I miss my friend but we will have a lifetime of tome to catch up with ourselves, she won't ever get that time back so I will not going to begrudge her that time at all.

I am doing a bit better. I basically fell apart completely yesterday, and although I didn't discuss things with the 2 ladies in my office they both knee I wasnt in a good place and did their best to rally me. They were genuine lovely and it role me that people I barely know were so kind and supportive.

I have hoiked up my big girl pants and am going back to basics and trying to just take one step at a time.

I also had a bit of a mental offload at my dp last night. I sent him a small essay by text because he is the sort to try and fix things there and then we I talk and I needed to just say it "out loud" to someone.

He was really good, took it on board that I just needed to feel like people were here for me, hugs and to just let me rant and ramble. Which helped. I slept last night for a good 4 hours which is the longest in about a month so that has made me feel better.

Thanks for being there and having my back!

OP posts:

MouseInCatsClaws · 10/06/2021 17:30

I'm delighted you are being supported, such a tough thing to cope with. You sound absolutely lovely, btw. I hope you get good news for your daughter, and I also hope you get more than 4 hours sleep in the near future!

Original poster

Terminallysleepdeprived · 10/06/2021 23:21

@MouseInCatsClaws

Thanks @MouseInCatsClaws I have had a wobbly day today. But I was working from home so my lovely neighbour (yes mumsnet they do exist) dragged me away from my laptop for lunch...I had been at it from before 6 and she dragged me away at 1230...I then worked til 5 and then went back to it about 9 and have just finished for the night. It's a relatively new job and in a completely different field to previous roles. So I don't think feeling a bit out of my depth has helped things.

Dd is still very yellow to me, and actually her torso looks very yellow whereas it was deathly pale and pastey 2 weeks ago. But she says she feels fine and the school are being massively supportive over her needs which is good. I updated the head and her class teacher with the outcomes of her blood tests and they just absolutely said all the things I really needed to hear.

Dp has demanded we book a weekend away as we both need to just get away and relax so we have managed to get a lovely apartment in a hotel in Scarborough for a week tomorrow so I I looking forward to that. Dd loved it a couple of years ago when we took her so it will be nice o just sit on the beach and chill. Hoping it will do us all some good

OP posts:

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