Are you able to put worries away until they happen?

Fluellablue · 2021-06-08T20:47:32+00:00

And if so, how, please? I'm not sure if my question makes sense, but I'm always being told to "cross that bridge when I come to it" or "wait and see what happens first' or words to that effect, but I don't seem to have that skill. At the minute, I'm very worried about a negative change that may be happening at work, and I won't find out for several weeks. I keep planning what I can do etc, when in reality I can't really do anything, especially in advance. Are some other people really able to put things to the back of their mind like this, and if so, is there a trick to it, please?

BackforGood · 09/06/2021 00:20

I ask myself "Is there anything I can do to influence the situation?".
If not, then I will put it to the back of my mind. If there is, then it depends on the situation as to if I choose to do that thing or not.

I'm not sure there is a trick to it, other than being a busy person who doesn't tend to spend much time sitting, pondering about things.
Can you distract yourself by throwing your energy into something else?

PracticingPerson · 09/06/2021 00:22

I often write out what my escape route is, then I can. I can't just ignore but once I've got a contingency I can stop fretting.

2gd2btrue · 09/06/2021 03:36

I genuinely don't know how people do this. I worry about so much stuff, I can't put any of it to the back of my mind!

I had CBT and felt like I was told "if you can't do anything about it, forget it" but I don't know how. I wish I did.

BusterGonad · 09/06/2021 03:48

I can't forget my worries. Ever.

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 09/06/2021 03:56

This may seem a bit random and unconnected but I used to this about almost every future outcome. I read 'codependent no more' and then went to CODA meetings as the book was so good. You don't have to go to the meetings though. Just the book was life changing enough for me with regard to your worries. It's changed how I live. I don't live in fear of the future any more and I accept that I can't change a lot of stuff anyway. I think I used to catastrophise a lot. Since I don't and just focus on the present life is a lot less angsty. Good luck!

ARoseDowntown · 09/06/2021 04:07

It really depends on the worry, more specifically the impact on my life of the event/occurrence.

It’s also about confidence in your ability to handle what life throws at you.

romdowa · 09/06/2021 04:35

I worry as then I feel less blindsided when things go pear shaped. To ease the worry I usually list what I will do should worst comes to worst but my life has been filled with shit and things going horribly wrong

badlydrawnbear · 09/06/2021 07:16

No, but I might meet the diagnostic criteria for anxiety and/ or depression so that is maybe not surprising. The beginning of covid in March 2020 was hugely anxiety-inducing for everyone, and I said to myself and other people worrying "is there anything we can do about this right now? If so, do it. If not, we just have to put one foot in front of the other and get on with things as best we can." Sometimes it worked to keep everything from being completely overwhelming.

TheMotherlode · 09/06/2021 07:32

I sometimes can put worries to the back of my mind if I have a plan in place, that only works for the more practical things though. For example, last year I felt there was a chance I would be made redundant, so I worked out how much redundancy pay I would get and how long I could live off that for, then came up with a plan for how we could cut back on outgoings if needed. It was all fine in the end so possibly a waste of energy but it stopped me from stressing about the possibility that it would happen because I knew that I would be able to cope if it did.

madasamarchhare · 09/06/2021 07:34

I feel exactly the same and have a similar worry about work at the moment. Again, I can’t change what may or may not happen but I do worry. I do think it helps to be busy then your mind is distracted. Unfortunately I’m not that busy at the moment so I need to change that to hopefully make me worry less. I do try and think what’s the worst that can happen? And move on from there but it isn’t always easy.

PracticingPerson · 09/06/2021 07:35

@TheMotherlode

I sometimes can put worries to the back of my mind if I have a plan in place, that only works for the more practical things though. For example, last year I felt there was a chance I would be made redundant, so I worked out how much redundancy pay I would get and how long I could live off that for, then came up with a plan for how we could cut back on outgoings if needed. It was all fine in the end so possibly a waste of energy but it stopped me from stressing about the possibility that it would happen because I knew that I would be able to cope if it did.

This is not a waste of energy as you directed the nergy into a plana nd then could stop worrying so much.

There is evidence that pessimists are more successful than optimists as they hit pitfalls less often, because they think about what could happen and take action to make it less likely. Many very successful business people are quite pessimistic and risk averse - you see this all the time on Dragon's Den.

PixieDust28 · 09/06/2021 07:38

I can never put a worry to the back of my head but I try to find an alternative route. So, if I had a fear maybe my job wasn't safe, I would be doing everything I could from the second I found out to find another. This helps me worry less.

Oenanthe · 09/06/2021 07:42

My mother is a terrible worrier and it drives me insane: it starts to be indistinguishable from self pity after a while.

If I find myself ruminating I remember Matthew 6:34: sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

Antiopa12 · 09/06/2021 07:43

My mother had a lot on her plate , she was very stoic. Her mantra was

Worry is interest paid before it is due

MissyB1 · 09/06/2021 07:45

I used to worry much more than I do now. Weirdly having been through some fairly traumatic events has sort of helped me learn to deal better with worries. I’ve stopped second guessing everything and predicting the worst outcomes. I do vaguely come up with a plan then I park whatever it is until the plan is needed.

UnFringed · 09/06/2021 07:46

I can, but planning isn’t worrying, I just think “I’d there anything practical I can do”, think of alternative scenarios, do what needs to be done then let it go.

A nice plan B sorts most things.

OrangeBananaFish · 09/06/2021 07:48

I wish I could put stuff to the back of my mind, but again I just can't. It would make life a lot easier. I might not be as tired either.

elastamum · 09/06/2021 07:49

I can. I analyse what is the worst that can happen and decide what I would do about it, then I mentally wrap my worry in bubble wrap and put it in a cupboard. At work I was legendary for being calm in a crisis. It helps that I have ADD, although I only realised this when my son was diagnosed. I spent years wondering why no one else thought like I did.

blobby10 · 09/06/2021 09:02

Sometimes I can - it depends on what is worrying me!! eg my son is in the RAF and was recently deployed to an active warzone. I was really worried about him but knew it wouldn't change anything that may or may not happen to him - i turned the worry to a black ball (in my head) and visualised myself putting it in a box and putting it away. it sounds so 'woo' writing it down!

I'm currently really worried about my OH and his mental health - he won't let me in and I just don't know how to help him. I can't stop that worry and didn't sleep last night because of it - not sure how to square this one in my head as I know what would help him but he isn't in the right place to do it.

Oh and I always plan a contingency for a worst case scenario on the basis that you never need one if you have one inplace - its worked so far 🤞

dudsville · 09/06/2021 09:22

I don't know really why I can do this but I'm grateful as I see others worrying and it looks like an awful experience. For the most part I problem solve what can be problem solved and then put on the back burner whatever is left. It occasionally rises up and I shrug it off, allowing my thoughts to drift on to other topics. Big things are very rare. They'll consume me, but they are rare I.e. I've not had any this year, I had one last year that took over for about 3 weeks, can't recall when the previous one was to that. So I think this is about getting ahold of your thoughts, that sounds like a tricky thing to do!

Worriesome · 09/06/2021 10:23

I’m a worrier by nature hence the username, however, since having kids I’ve not had as much time to worry as I did prior to kids. I second anyone that says distract yourself and put your energy into something else.

Another thing I once read somewhere was if you are feeling anxious/worried then jot down what the worst possible thing is that could happen if that situation were to take place. Apparently it’s meant to make you feel better, tell yourself you can overcome it x

Bksjshsbbev2737 · 09/06/2021 10:27

I can do this but only by creating a plan in my head for if that thing happens so if I’m worried about our holiday been cancelled with covid I’ve worked out what we’d do that week to still have a nice time, if something is making me worried at work I’ll often look at other jobs and have an idea of what’s available that I could move to. The “plan B” I create may not be exactly what I wanted to happen but it helps me shelf the worry

LindaEllen · 09/06/2021 10:35

Since I went on Sertraline 6 months ago I can, yes.

LeafBeetle · 09/06/2021 10:38

I'm good at this! If the bad thing doesn't happen then you've wasted all that time spent worrying, if it does happen then you can deal with it at the time. I say this to my kids (teenagers) too. But I've always been like this so I'm not sure how you can change.

RoseMartha · 09/06/2021 10:40

I am a bit like you OP and tend to over think.