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Looking back, do you think getting tips from a birth expert would have helped?

31 replies

Chicchicchicchiclana · 08/06/2021 18:56

A current sticky/Q & A on Mumsnet has got me thinking. Do you think your diffiçult/traumatic birth was caused by you being unprepared or was it due to circumstances outside of your control?

OP posts:
Wildernesstips · 08/06/2021 19:10

My difficult birth was over 20 years ago when we didn’t even have the internet (well I didn’t); and although it was due to circumstances beyond my control, I do feel that ante natal classes could have been a bit more realistic. We didn’t cover anything about what might not go to plan. I naively believed my birth plan would be absolutely followed.

Lalliebelle · 08/06/2021 19:11

Only if the tips were 'it won't go To Plan at all - be prepared for the great unknown'.

sar302 · 08/06/2021 19:16

I was very well prepared, however my baby was not. You can't prep to get a stuck baby through a vaginal canal 🤷‍♀️

Relaxation techniques were helpful up to a point. But after 52 hrs, relaxed is not possible...

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Tibtab · 08/06/2021 19:16

I did all the hypnobirthing classes, was convinced I could have a low pain water birth just by breathing through it.
Ended up with suspected Covid, pre-eclampsia, reduced foetal movements and was induced. It was my decision to be induced but It wasn’t what I wanted.
Had a 45 hour labour with ventouse and episiotomies and felt like an absolute failure. I felt like the hypnobirthing probably set up an
Unrealistic ideal for me so I was devastated when it didn’t happen.

QueryA · 08/06/2021 19:16

Possibly. But it’s impossible to cover every scenario so inevitably the majority of the tips will be useless. Which just leaves you with ‘try and relax’ which doesn’t help when you are stressed out cause you don’t know what the fuck is going on

Bamoon · 08/06/2021 19:19

It depends what they mean by 'birth expert', it doesn't sound like an official registered title, so presumably anyone can declare themselves one and spout a load of crap.

motogogo · 08/06/2021 19:21

It can be either, yes a lack of preparation can mean that the birth feels very traumatic but you can be the most prepared mother to be in the world on your 5th kid and it all goes horribly wrong.

More birth prep would be helpful for some no doubt, it's why so many find second births easier, but it's not going to be the answer for many

Dollywilde · 08/06/2021 19:24

I was very laid back and honestly was open to anything from water birth on MLU to c-section. I wound up with baby getting stuck in the birth canal, forceps, 2 hour pushing stage that led to birth injury. I couldn’t have done anything to stop it happening, I know I did everything ‘right’. Next time I’m going to be lobbying for an ELCS off the bat just because I can’t guarantee my body knows how to birth and I can’t risk that happening to me again, I’m certain it contributed to my PND.

MayGreen · 08/06/2021 19:25

No, I'm a big planner and spent the whole 9.5 months preparing, like a pp I did hypnobirthing, pregnancy yoga, antenatel classes, read everything I could find about everything, spent labour in the pool at home and still ended up with an emergency C-section and baby in special care, was devastated. Same for second time round, I was determined to do it properly, induced at 42 weeks took 3 days ending with a surgical delivery and week in hospital again. My body just does not seem designed for birth, which as a very earth mother person has took a lot of adjusting too.

herethereandeverywhere · 08/06/2021 19:26

Don't so many find second births easier (and quicker) because the body stretched out last time so there is far less physical resistance?

There will be an element of feeling less scared of the unknown ( because you did it before) but a far shorter labour and birth (as second and subsequent births statistically are likely to be) are bound to feel easier!

FricasseeTurnips · 08/06/2021 19:26

My best births were with an independent midwife, who also did every antenatal visit. She knew where everything was in the house - so could make a cup of tea. She knew my children and DH. She knew my history, my hopes for the birth, she had taken the time to discuss every potential problem and note what my preference would be. Whatever happened, she knew she would have my informed consent to whatever solution she presented. One birth with her was textbook, one wasn't. Nothing that went wrong that time round was expected but she was totally calm and confident with 30 years of experience and I trusted her totally. I have no regrets about that birth.

However the crappy hospital birth I had where I was repeatedly held down and given treatment I hadn't consented to by people who were also rude and nasty still haunts me.

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 08/06/2021 19:29

I wish I had know how painful recovery would be. 3c tear and a torn uterus. Painful. Painful and horrendous in those early weeks. I wish someone would have told me that its possible to have a prolapse from a vaginal birth. I wish I had access to the physio sooner. Not 14 months pp

Chicchicchicchiclana · 08/06/2021 19:35

One of my closest friends is a midwife. She had two children, both by emcs. I don't feel she was unprepared for labour and childbirth.

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Winkywonkydonkey · 08/06/2021 19:36

No. My horrendous births were both inductions. Second time I was determined to do it 'properly' and did all the Hypnobirthing courses I could. Yet I still needed to be induced, had back to back labour and had a reaction to the induction drugs meaning I got intense contractions every 20 seconds for HOURS. The only thing that made the second time better was communication from the midwives and consultants. It honestly made the two identical experiences vastly different.

PumpingPauper · 08/06/2021 19:36

Outside of control and inadequate care by midwives in triage and their stupid tick box system

Chicchicchicchiclana · 08/06/2021 19:37

Also, my own midwife had 5 children. 3 at home. 4th in hospital as an emcs. 5th at home. I don't think she was unprepared either!

OP posts:
Dustyhedge · 08/06/2021 19:38

I actually think my extensive NCT course made me less prepared. It set unrealistic expectations and the teacher seemed so disappointed I had all the drugs and struggled to breastfeed. I think neutral birth preparation classes led by qualified individuals without an agenda should be a basic every woman should expect.

They said, my difficult birth was nothing to do with me being unprepared. Your question implies a bit of blame there. My difficult birth was down to PROM and an induction when my body wasn’t quite ready but the risk of infection was too great to leave things be. My second birth was a completely different experience. It was nothing to do with preparation and everything to do with my body and baby being ready for birth.

AssumptaFitzgerald1884 · 08/06/2021 19:39

Midwives by and large have dramatic births Wink as you say, not through lack of prep!

I was a bit Hmm at the idea of a web chat with a birth expert, but then as a midwife I don’t think a Doula is best placed to label themselves as that.

Terriblecreature · 08/06/2021 19:40

Both pregnancies I have never made a birth plan. And if I have anymore I never will. So much can happen that is out with your control that being prepared yourself wouldn't even matter.

You need to take it as it comes and if it goes how you want it amazing but if it doesn't it isn't your fault and nor should anyone be upset or feel guilty about that.

PumpingPauper · 08/06/2021 19:41

Tbf the recovery was more traumatic and that was down again to inadequate midwives on the ward.

BertieBotts · 08/06/2021 19:42

For my first birth I think I coped better with it due to knowing what to expect and understanding what was happening at each stage.

For my second birth I think if I had known about back to back labour and how to handle them differently from a normal labour it would have been easier to cope with, and I'm doing a huge amount of prep in that direction this time because I expect to have a fairly high chance of it happening again. But to be perfectly honest, I did have a book which explained all about it. I didn't read that far into it. I probably wouldn't have taken it in if I had, because it sounded like back to back labours are really rare and I wouldn't have assumed it was helpful to me. I skip over the c-section parts of birth books as well. It's probably unwise to do this in case I do end up with a c-section, but I'm just going with the theory that if that happens it will either be too fast for me to process what is happening anyway and/or the staff will be able to inform me and tell me what is happening/what they are doing and so I'll just deal with it if it happens.

I think it's so hard to prepare for birth in advance. It can be helpful to understand the birth process/stages of labour so that you have a sense of where you're at and what is happening. But that's not always going to be enough to prevent birth trauma. Some things that happen during birth simply are traumatic and you can't really prepare for that kind of thing. Birth is one of the riskiest things most people will ever do (both your own and having your own children). Sometimes you're going to get into a scenario where something drastic has to be done for either the mum's or baby's safety. Best practice in that scenario is most likely just to do it and deal with the emotional fallout later. I don't think you can prepare for that kind of scenario and I don't know whether it's helpful to try - you just end up with lots and lots of horror stories, which is surely just going to increase anxiety.

Birth disappointment, where you have planned a "natural birth" and end up with some kind of intervention and experience feelings of failure, I think we could prepare mums better for this. I don't think birth preparation programs which are focused entirely on how much less risky it is to give birth vaginally, all the benefits of a natural labour, the risks of epidural/elective section etc are helpful at all. Tools to cope with a natural labour, yes. But tools to cope with changes of plan are important too. It's about empowering and educating mums (and mums to be) about the balance of risks and understanding when it tips and when it is a blessing to have another option. For example we do not want to use something like forceps routinely - we know that would not improve outcomes, it would probably cause problems. But if your baby is stuck and cannot come down the birth canal by themselves, then it's extremely fortunate that we do have options like forceps. In years gone by that would have simply been a scenario where mother and baby died. Likewise, if you are in a situation where labour needs to start ASAP, it's very helpful that we have the option of induction. Absolutely not a failure - yet many mums do feel this way (especially if the induction does not get going).

But the amount of preparation you can do for this kind of thing is minimal, because it needs to be an active and informed discussion between the pregnant woman and her care provider, and that might be the area which needs to change. I think it would be helpful to have preparation along the lines of these are some common tools that are used in labour if things are not going to plan and when/why/how they are used. Also, how to have a discussion about the risks/benefits/alternatives (I was taught BRAIN at antenatal classes, which I found very helpful).

PumpingPauper · 08/06/2021 19:43

One Fing MW said I could eat during my epidural Hmm I was sick as a dog and unable to move.... Some choice words for that twat

summermoonandstars · 08/06/2021 19:44

I’m quite pissed off I didn’t have an opportunity to make a birth plan before being induced.

Dreamer2468 · 08/06/2021 19:48

I did a hypnobirthing course with Sarah Ockwell Smith before she became well known. I think it did result in a positive experience for me. If I had not done this I would never have even considered a home birth. I ended up with a home water birth with no tearing despite LO being born back to back and 9lb 2oz with a head circumference on the 98th percentile. Labour took 30 hours but was manageable and I felt great afterwards. I think if I hadn't had a home birth I would have ended up being induced due to slow progression and would have been more likely to have interventions making recovery harder.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 08/06/2021 19:48

@Dustyhedge. No, my question does not suggest a bit of blame there. Quite odd that you read it that way. I had 2 c-sections, my first was a crash c-section. I was prepared for birth as anyone could be. I think the idea of "tips for birth" is pretty meaningless, hence my thread!

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