Around 10 months ago go I met somebody older than me. He seemed exactly what I was looking for. As time went on he made me feel so so special to him. We seem to have this balance that you never often find and and I was so happy. the future really did seem bright. I never believed in soulmates or love at first sight but it did feel a bit like this and I realised none of my past relationships ever felt that positive.
It would take me forever to explain how slowly things started to crack and fall apart. It was one of them things when everything happened slowly and small digs became part of our relationship masked in compliments or Jokes. He ended up having full-blown mood swings after a few months. Then he turned back into Mr nice guy and we moved on. Then a month later he would kick off again about something. He was putting me down more and more and my instincts were not to trust him anymore. Then it was kind of obvious he was shopping around for other ladies as well. He split up with me for a few months and and I struggled big time to cope. I think it was the shock of somebody changing so suddenly. I never thought I would be the sort of person that would end up in this situation where I'm in love with somebody that I also don't like very much. I started to notice a particular person who he clearly had hurt aswell. So I contacted her and she confirmed he had put her through hell. She was still addicted to him .He came back into my life in recent weeks and and I guess I just wanted to hear him out almost. I hoped he had sorted himself out. I know that's ridiculous. I just hope there was some of the old him that I remember still there.
The last few weeks my body has been stressed and I've been trying to quit him but I've never quite given up. I've been very very guarded and suspicious and I don't think the love is any longer there. I don't know why I've kept answering his text messages but I did. I've been talking to my friends and they think that I have been searching for closure and I'm not going to get it from him because he's a liar.
On Sunday he upset me because when I asked him why he was no longer affectionate with me he told me can't force his feelings. I said, so your feelings have changed and he said no they haven't changed but you just do my head in with your messages. I don't send many messages asking about how he feels. Before he used to show me how he was supposedly feeling. But this time he was being very cold and distant. I wasn't prepared to go spending time with him again when he was being so off.
Yesterday he read my message and ignored it. He then went back on the internet to write a status about a bad day at work. I noticed a lady asked him if he was ok on this status. This particular woman was added to his Facebook whilst we were apart. She doesn't live near us and there is no connection between them that's obvious. But it's obvious to me they were talking behind Facebook. He insisted to me that he's not had any contact with any women whilst we were apart. I contacted this woman from a fake profile last night. I asked her if there was anything between them. She confirmed they had met on a dating site and she had been driving to his house over the last few months and they had sexual weekends and she had stayed over. She said after about three or four weekends he asked her if they could just be friends with benefits as he did not want a relationship. During this time he was sometimes still in my life as well. She's not bothered about him, but she did feel shocked because she thought he was a real genuine person. But she said that there was no love between them. She is still friends with him. She did tell him that I had been in touch under a fake name. He called me to see if it was me. I denied it was me and said his sex life was his business. He yelled at me down the phone that once again I was being paranoid, there was no sex life. He claimed she was just a friend and he's never done that with her. He then started to have a go at me about my messages. I told him that the only reason he hates my messages is because he hates commitment and does not actually want me in the way he likes to pretend he does. I then told him he needs to go and get some therapy and deal with his issues from the past that make him behave the way he does. I've blocked him after telling him how mentally exhausted I am after enduring months of his lies games and bullying.
I've woken up this morning and and realised how much hell he has put me through and I know that it's completely over now. I I just feel so sad about how my life has been and now I've got to move on from him for good. I just wanted to reach out to anyone else that is currently in an abusive relationship.