Dear God, the nagging!!

[MadnessMolly]

DD -
Get in the shower
Do your cleanser
That uniform is filthy, go and get clean ones on
Brush your teeth
Put your brace in
Get your lunch out
Brush your hair
Get your shoes on..

And on and on. Every bloody day it's like this is brand new information to her. Arghhhhhh. She's 11. Tell me they gain some ounce of common sense when they get to high school.. please!!

Stop nagging her for a few days and just tell her when she’s to be downstairs and ready, if she looks a mess or forgets stuff so be it, hopefully that’ll make her change her tune when she has no lunch.

She won’t learn to think for herself because you do it for her.

Back off.

Back off a bit, OP. I was boarding from the age of 8 until 16. At 11, I was managing all this stuff for myself. If I didn't do it then no one picked me up on it. The world didn't end because I didn't cleanse my face some days. Having lived with quite a lot of people at university with not an ounce of independence after being instructed every day by their parents, I'd really advise easing up a bit now and allowing her to take some personal responsibility. Sure, some days things won't get done and it'll probably be difficult for both of you at first, but I'd suggest that it will pay dividends in the long run, both for fostering her independence and ability to cope without you overseeing her all the time, but also for your relationship and your stress levels, because that doesn't sound like a fun way to spend the morning for either of you atm.

DD and I learned the hard way that long term this approach isn’t helpful. Do what I should have done, back off and let her fail occasionally.

Smug thoughts of “told you so” are actually quite satisfying when they do get detention for forgetting stuff for the billionth time.

Im having this prob with my dd of the same age. just getting her out of bed is a struggle.

Agree with PP that a little 'benign neglect' can go a very long way to fostering independence.

This is a good age to back off the chivvying so they're getting the hang of taking responsibility for themselves before they start secondary.

I'd give her a wake up call and ten minutes before she has to leave the house a reminder.
Actually ticking off the items is up to her.
She can face the consequences herself.

I have the same daily struggle with DD11.

Backing-off sounds like a good idea but what about things like teeth? I can't stand the thought of letting them go bad because of her lack of initiative to brush them without me nagging her to do so every morning.

Cleanser at 11? Can't she just wash her face when she showers?

I got tired of constantly reminding mine, so I posted a list on the bathroom mirror. If they didn't do it then, I said nothing about it.
I only have my teenage DS at home now. I have a note posted on the door leading to the carport. It says:
Before you leave, make sure:

1. You have your keys.
2. You have your wallet.
3. You turned off the stove.
4. You turned off the lights.
5. DON'T LET THE DOG GET OUT!

I still "remind/nag" some but not as much.

if you always do a running commentary of tasks for them they won't learn to do it by themselves.

sit down with her, ask her to do a list of things she needs to do in the morning and let her pick the sequence.
then leave her to it.
you didn't mention any SNs so at her age she is plenty ready to be fully responsible.

Try to get her into the habit of getting things ready the night before. Her uniform should be ready, her bag and shoes by the door, etc. It can be tough being 11 so she still needs some help, but if she learns a routine it'll make her life a lot easier (and yours!)

It's like this in my house. If I remind DD what to do then she gets cross and claims she doesn't need constant telling. If I don't, and she forgets stuff, then it's my fault for not reminding her
Teenagers (and pre teens) are hard work sometimes. Thankfully they do grow out of it!