What is your work expectation if a family member is very poorly or dies?

[Snaarfing]

My elderly gran is very poorly with pneumonia. She has been like a mother to me, we speak every day, I clean for her and visit most weekends. She’s currently in hospital and visiting not encouraged but the nurse did say that if she deteriorated we’d be allowed to see her.

I’m in limbo about what to do with work, I’m obviously fine to go at the moment although I am jumpily waiting for a call but what if I need to go and stay with her if she comes home, or god forbid if she passes away? I’ll be devastated despite her age.

Our work policy says we get one day leave for a grandparent, I doubt I’ll be able to function for a few days at least, plus arranging stuff as I’m an executor to her estate etc.

What do people do? I’ve very little annual leave spare without cancelling a holiday which will disappoint my husband and children, do people take sick leave for bereavement? I honestly have no idea what I’ll do.

Can you ask for unpaid leave for this kind of thing?

My mum got a sick line from the doctors for a couple of weeks off when my gran died, people do take sick leave for bereavement related stress.

Sorry for your situation
Every workplace is different but not many would give you more than a day for a grandparent unfortunately.

My company gives 2 weeks that should be taken in week long blocks.

you can self certify for 5 days. During that time I'd get a doctor's note and get signed off for a week or 2.
Honestly this is what i would do.

I strongly encourage you to start making your peace with this (for your own sake) make sure you say everything you need to and tell her how loved she is. maybe talk about nice times you had or things you appreciated that she did

I don’t know what our official policy is - possibly just direct family but the reality is that no one would expect me to work in those circs and I wouldn’t expect any of my team to. No one ever takes the piss. I think companies that rigidly stick to policies are shortsighted.

Thinking of you

Yes, you can definitely ask for unpaid leave. It’s up to your employers whether they agree or not. It might be a good idea to sound them out now.

No direct experience but I assume you would use sick leave if the worst happened and you were (understandably) unable to function to work. So self certify to begin with and then sick note in the usual way.

Sorry though OP, wishing you and your family all the best

So sorry OP. I hope that if you explain the history, your employer will be forthcoming with sympathy and lenience.

Slightly off-topic, but I think that the importance of the grandparent relationship is sometimes overlooked. I still think about my grandmother and she has been deceased for three decades.

Every work place is different but it annoys me that you can have 5 days for immediate family and 1 for non immediate because not all families are like that. I didnt need nor did I take 5 for my DM (immediate family) however, when I lose my DA (non immediate) I will need much longer.

I would explain to your work that you will work as much as you can. If your DGM passes then you will need the time you need. If you are unwell then get a sick note.

I can’t possibly cope with one day leave, this is a woman who more or less brought me up and has been a daily constant in my life for the last 45 years.

I’ll just have to hope that work will be understanding. The leave arrangements are awful and I’m sure I’ll have to go sick, there won’t be any leniency.

I have taken sick leave in the past because I don't get anything paid other than SSP on sick leave, as others have said, self cert and then a sick note.
Losing someone close is hard, even if they're not the 'official' relationship that says it should be hard, iyswim, so you need time regardless of what work says.
My GP was happy to sign me off for 2 weeks after my friend died suddenly, I was an absolute mess and no way I could have coped at work just then, we'd been very close for a long time.
I'm sorry you're facing this OP

Speak to your employers. Bereavement policies can be a bit more flexible. Usually what they put in them is the bare min abs covers people who have little or no relationship with their grandparents. It's stops people taking weeks off when they hardly knew the person.

For you though they might be able to extend that leave or suggest other options such as a mix of paid and unpaid leave

It's all discretionary, but we generally allow a week for a close relative's death. We also support people as much as possible in the days/weeks leading up to a death.

People who need longer will be signed off sick by their doctor.

My dad passed away earlier this year, I was at work when I found out and was sent home straight away. At the time I was on 2 days a week due to the pandemic so I went back in for my next day that week which was a few days later. I then had 2 days compassionate leave for his funeral. I found being at work easier, more distractions less time to think about it. When the time comes you will know how much work you can do and you will be able to take unpaid leave. It may be worth speaking with work now to prepare and discuss what will work for you both.

First of all I’m so sorry that you’re going through this it’s so hard. My dad passed away from cancer last year and I will be forever grateful to my employers for being supportive throughout it all. I let them know what was happening, and then when I couldn’t work for the week after he passed away they were fine with it and I didn’t have to take it as holiday. I found it quite hard to concentrate for a couple of months afterwards but was working part time from home which helped. I think if you talk to your employers and explain how close you are I’m sure they will be supportive. Look after yourself and make the most of the time you have 💐