Is it normal these days for teens to be in contact with their friends all the time?

[workwoes123]

DS is 14, sociable, with different friendship groups that he goes out with 1-3 times a week, and a girlfriend. He’s doing ok at school, spends more time watching crappy vids than I’d like, but is generally pleasant to be around.

My gripe / concern is that he’s on his phone / video calls with his friends or girlfriend all the time, like constantly. If he’s watching tv, he’s also Whats Apping in a group chat. When he’s doing homework, he’s got his girlfriend or some classmates on a video chat. When he’s gaming, ditto, phone propped up on his console. Sometimes he’ll be in his room pottering (he likes fiddling with electrical stuff), and the whole time he’ll be video chatting with someone - friends or girlfriend, just wandering away when he wants to ask me something, leaving them staring at an empty bedroom! At 9pm when he has to switch his phone off, he has to say goodnight to them all, every single day.

He never just concentrates on the thing that he’s doing, he’s constantly connected and (to my eyes) distracted. Am I just being an old fogey? When I was his age, phone calls meant something! They were worth paying attention to as they were the only means of talking to a friend outside school. He assured me this is completely normal for kids his age, and certainly his friends seem to be as connected as he is.

Whaddya think? Is it the norm these days? I’m partially deaf so video calls are not something I do much of. Maybe that’s why it seems weird and intrusive to me.

I'm 52, my parents used to get annoyed at the self same thing. My friend who I spent last night whatsapping/video calling is the same person I'd get straight into the phone too after spending all day with her 🤣my mum used to ask 'what on earth we had to talk about'🤣

Just these days it's easier to be in touch with a group of friends.

15 yo is the same with her best friend.

As the parent it's annoying, as the teen it's normal.

I wish my phone would stop changing things! Who programs the bloody things? You'd think they'd get the basics right like to/too FFS.

Yes completely normal.

Yes

erm yes very normal.

I remember sitting on the stair talking on the phone to my friend for hours and I mean hours! after spending the whole day or night with her.

Normal... my two are the same sadly.

Yes it's very normal. my dd was toasting a bagel last night with someone on Facetime. She walks down the stairs chatting to someone. The only time she's not doing that, she's got tiktok open instead.

@NewYearNewTwatName

I used to do that too - that’s my point. I would be in our front room (freezing cold but where the only phone was!) talking to my friend and that would be it, I’d be paying attention to her for that hour or two. For DS, it’s constant, like he’s never alone - whatever else he’s doing (making breakfast, walking down a street, watching tv, doing homework, brushing his teeth) his friend / girlfriend are there too!

Yes, tiktok when he’s not talking to them.

Yep it’s constant. My dd aged 17 is permanently attached to her phone. Every single thing she does gets photoed and sent to her friends on Snapchat.

Yes, mine is like this. I don't mind it at all- I'd much rather he was talking to people in a conversation face to face than on social media or making 'friends' with people online he doesn't know IRL. It's just an extension of their normal social contact. It's a good thing! It feels like this generation (especially after covid where this seemed to intensify) are more about face to face conversation with people they know than the one now in their 20s who have communities of people online but are crap at in person interaction

I wish mine was like this he barely speaks to anyone he knows, very limited friendships. Spends most of his time gaming with strangers.

He’s caught up in the excitement of that level of contact. It’s a dopamine rush.

It would drive me crazy.

I'd be most concerned about the contact whilst doing homework.
I don't believe he can concentrate well on homework whilst distracted by other stuff. I'd be worried that when he comes to revise for y10/y11 it will be far less efficient/effective. I would also wonder whether he would be able to concentrate for 60-105 min exams as he won't have practiced concentrating.

Can you get him to do some controlled experiments? e.g. Sudokus or crosswords with and without distractions, or memorising some facts or word lists?

That’s teens for you!

It's much easier to stay in contact now. Back when we were kids you had to sit still on the phone and talk in one room as that was the only option.

Dont tell me, that if you were a teen now, you would do what you did then?

yup, very normal for teens.

Yes, very normal.

Remembering the hours I used to waste talking to people on MSN!

Anyway, my kids are younger but judging by the teen nieces, yes completely normal.

Normal here too.
Dd even took her friend via FaceTime into our loft the other day while she was putting bags up there for me. I wouldn't have thought that would have been interesting for her but from the amount of laughing from both of them it produced I was wrong!