I'm so fat I want to cry

[Phatpheasant]

I'll start off with I've not always been fat. I had a BMI of between 19 and 22 until I was 30 and it shot up over about 6 months to 27 and hasn't come down except in pregnancy. I'm now 29.9. I have an underactive thyroid, was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries (despite conceiving really easily) and I'm also on heart medication which has a side effect of metabolic changes including weight gain, hairloss and excessive sweating and excess appetite.

I know that in general calories in = calories out etc etc but I'm starving all the time. I cannot get full. I don't adjust to smaller portion sizes and appear to have no off switch. I'm also on norethisterone has increased my bloating and appetite further.

I cook from fresh, we don't get take aways, I intermittent fast. But in those hours, I just can't get full, apples, crudete, protein etc I don't feel full, even when I know I should be. I think about food constantly.

I've been under the endocrine nutritionist but all she could advise is lean protein, fresh veg and no sugary foods. Which I do but I don't think she believed me when I said I could eat a full 5 person chicken with boiled veg to myself. But I can, with ease. And people say " you won't get fat eating protein and veg" but that theory relies on the protein filling you faster and keeping you satisfied for longer, which for me it doesn't. The nutritionist basically had to say it's a medication side effect and all I could do was damage limitation.

I've done every diet going, low carb, 'clean' (we're pretty clean eaters anyway), low fat, high protein moderate fat, slimming world, weight watchers and VLCDs. With the exception of VLCD (which made me miserable and increased my hairloss), I gained on them all. I did the Joe Wicks plan and gained (and was constantly starving). I walk everywhere (we're hikers), I cycle to work and to drop the kids off and I do hiit 3 times a week with weights.

I could honestly cry. I'm so fat. I'm pear shaped so I don't even carry it well. I don't want to leave the house. I've been invited to a couple of parties this weekend and I don't want to go, I look shit in all my clothes and don't want to buy new ones as I feel crap. My sex life is non-existent and I'm scared DH will leave me.

It's getting to the point that I want to come off all my medication. I naturally just lose weight when I do- I lost 2 stone in pregnancy 1 and 2.5 in pregnancy 2, I had to stop my heart meds, beta blockers and contraceptive and it literally fell off me. I didn't have morning sickness. Within 6 months of being back on them I'd gained it all back (despite breastfeeding).

I'm not looking for diet advice, I'm not an idiot, I know how to diet, I know "lifestyle changes" etc. I'm just wallowing in self pity like a walrus in the bath.

Gosh you poor thing. It sounds really hard. Can see why you would want to come off the meds. If they're causing such side effects arguably might you actually be better off without them? I hope things improve for you

What has the GP said about the medication side effects? Is there an alternative? I know you feel shit, but it's not your fault.

Are there other medications you can try to treat your heart condition or is it a set amount of a set drug and that's it? It sounds incredibly difficult, obviously you need to take this medicine but the side effects sound miserable.

Sounds really tough OP.
Can you ask for a medication review to see if any tweaks are possible which might improve things for you?

I know that in general calories in = calories out etc etc

That doesn’t apply when you have endocrine problems like yours.

Is your hypothyroidism being properly treated? Are you under an endocrinologist? You really need to optimise your medical treatment first of all, and don’t bear yourself up about weight gain caused by illness.

Once your medical situation is properly addressed, then look to a healthy eating and exercise regime. VLCDs are dodgy because they put your body into starvation mode and make it preserve calories as much as possible.

Poor you sounds really difficult

I never struggled with my weight it was a joke how much I could eat with friends but once I had problems with my thyroid it piled on. Then the weight gain slowed down but my thyroid levels were all over the place. I ended up being over medicated with similar symptoms but I was constantly hungry I just couldn’t get full. Once medication was corrected I felt better less hungry and weight started to drop (but this isn’t as easy)

I really had to push the GP to get a full thyroid function test regularly

I felt better over all it’s so important with medication like this to be checked regularly and unfortunately often it isn’t until we insist

Is there an alternative to your heart meds? Or is it this or nothing.

It seems to be the heart med that’s causing your problems but you can’t ignore heart problems.

Hi, I’m sorry I don’t have advice regarding your health issues but wanted to send you some love. All your issues seem really really difficult and I wish I had half your discipline. Please don’t be too hard on yourself or lose your confidence by not going to parties. Hope you feel better soon. X

Well apples and crudités wouldn't fill me up! I think you really need to look at what you're eating.

Yes I'm under an endocrinologist and cardiologist. There's no issues with the medications from their perspective, all my conditions are properly treated. With regards to my hear medications, I'm on the "optimal" treatment. I could try others but they all have side effects of some description and there's a risk they won't be effective. I'm well enough that 2 pregnancies completely off them was doable but I don't want to risk my health. Obviously being practically obese has other associated health issues.

Could you research a different nutritionist specialising in treating people with your specific medical conditions and pay for private consultation? There may be more that could be done. I totally feel your pain.

Oh OP I am so sorry! (Although can I say ‘wallowing in self pity like a walrus in the Bath’ made me laugh out loud - I am much fatter than you).

Anyway it sounds like you need a complete review of meds, to see if there is an alternative heart med that wouldn’t do this too you. Also - are you being treated for your thyroid? Because it could be that not the heart med.

It’s possible to request that all your consultants come together to do a cross disciplinary review of your treatment. Your GP should request this for you by writing to them collectively, but you can also do it yourself via your NH S trust. It’s not that unusual

I think that is absolutely the first port of call although it won’t be super quick. The step beyond that if no other solution can be found would be an appetite suppressant like Saxenda - I don’t think GPS can prescribe them, they will need to refer you on to a consultant.

I would ring up tomorrow and insist on a double f2f appointment with your Gp and write down a list of everything you need then to do. They may want to try treating your thyroid or your PCOS themselves first of course.

Sending love your way, no one deserves to feel like that. If you ever need a chat I’m happy to listen.

I’m no nutrienist or dietician so can’t offer any valuable advice, but have faith you’ll get there slowly but surely don’t give up xxx

Tomorrow morning have a 3 egg omelet cooked in butter, stuffed with cheese and spinach and see how long it takes to get hungry.