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Original poster

Do you think it's ok to touch pregnant womens bumps? (TW Sexual assault)

35 replies

SunflowerOwl · 06/06/2021 20:02

Curious if people think I'm being precious or not.

I'm 28 weeks and just started to have a proper bump and a few friends and relatives have touched/rubbed it and I hate it so much. It makes me so uncomfortable, like I just want to make my excuses and leave.

I experienced sexual assault when I was younger and I'm aware I have some body issues because of it but I'm not a very assertive person so havent felt able to speak up and ask people not to touch me. Plus the concern that I'm just overreacting.

A male relative did it today and I honestly wanted to get as far away from him and everyone as I could afterwards.

So do people think this is fine or not?

OP posts:
Letsallscreamatthesistene · 06/06/2021 20:05

I havent been a victim of sexual assault, and I hated it when I was pregnant so I dont think its your experience of sexual assault talking. Its just plain invasive and rude.

PetuniaPot · 06/06/2021 20:05

I wouldn't have been happy and noone in my family did this.

DoingItMyself · 06/06/2021 20:05

No, they should not touch you, ever.

Pebbledashery · 06/06/2021 20:08

I would never touch anyone's bump unless they asked me to. My colleague is pregnant and sits next to me and her baby was kicking and she grabbed my hand and put it on her bump. When I was pregnant I had colleagues constantly rub my bump but I didn't mind as I had worked there for 8 years and we were all very close. However, in your situation.. It's absolutely justified to feel the way you do. It's not a generalisation regarding bump touching, it's a violation of your boundaries which you aren't comfortable with and your feelings are completely validated. You could politely say to people that you don't feel comfortable with them touching your bump, you don't need to explain your reasons to anyone. It's your body.

WildWaterSwimmer · 06/06/2021 20:09

When I was pregnant a super creepy guy at work randomly stroked my bump. Instinctively I pushed him away and he fell backwards banging his head. There was a sharp intake of breath and then hushed awkward silence from the rest of the office, it was really embarrassing and all happened so quickly I didn't have time to consider my reaction.

So, no, I don't think you are being unreasonable. It's not on to touch someone like that whether they are pregnant or not.

jeannie46 · 06/06/2021 21:03

No

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 06/06/2021 21:10

No-one should be touching you without your permission at all. You are not being sensitive about it at all!

Original poster
SunflowerOwl · 07/06/2021 07:32

Thanks everyone

OP posts:
Lalliebelle · 07/06/2021 07:35

I hated it and if anyone rubbed my belly I would rub theirs back. Stopped them in their tracks

CigarsofthePharoahs · 07/06/2021 07:47

Pregnancy doesn't make you public property. You're not precious for not wanting people to touch your belly

MrMeeseekslookatme · 07/06/2021 07:52

I hated it. I just used to shout at people 'Stop fucking touching me!'

I actually stopped speaking to a friend after she made a joke of it one night at a wedding and spent the entire night trying to get everyone to touch my belly. Of course it was hilarious to all the pissed up wedding goers, but not so much for very sober, very pregnant me. That was over 8 years ago now and it still pisses me off when I think about it!

MaMaD1990 · 07/06/2021 07:58

I detested it - my friends would ask which I didn't mind so much. One random lady rubbed my stomach in the supermarket and I just rubbed hers back...made for an awkward 3 seconds Smile

romdowa · 07/06/2021 07:59

This is the part I'm dreading 😕 I'm just starting to show and i really dislike being touched by strangers. A reason I also hated nightclubs, I spent half my evening shoving drunken idiots away from me.

YogaLite · 07/06/2021 08:01

My sil did that to me and I still hate her for it (amongst other things). But apparently it's ok because "she is like that" Confused

VettiyaIruken · 07/06/2021 08:03

No. It's not ok. It's still your body. It doesn't become public property just because you're pregnant. Despite what some people think. 🙄

When they come at you, put out your hand, take a step back and say no.

ShakeaHettyFeather · 07/06/2021 08:03

I had very sensitive skin when pregnant.
A normally-sensible woman at work reached out and touched my bump.
I was knocked off balance and it was tender and I screamed, in the middle of the open-plan office.

My embarrassment disappeared as 20 mostly-male colleagues gave the woman a right earful. I have no regrets.

Beamur · 07/06/2021 08:05

It's not ok. It's rude and intrusive.
I get that people are fascinated by pregnancy and found it made other parents hugely nostalgic - but! Your body your choice.
I think if you struggle with asserting yourself generally now is a great time to start practicing! You will soon have another person in your life that you will need to advocate for and protect. Find your voice.
Or wear a t-shirt with something like 'don't touch the bump' on at all times.
I think I had the gimlet eyed stare down to a tee. No-one touched my bump without permission.
Congratulations on your baby Grin

NinaMimi · 07/06/2021 08:07

I’m lucky as haven’t experienced this and I’m almost 40 weeks. It’s so rude and something I was dreading as I’d heard from other women about it.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 07/06/2021 08:08

You are allowed to not want people touching you. Just because you’re now pregnant does not mean that your body isn’t yours to decide who touches it. I have no history of SA but I didn’t want people touching my bumps. I don’t like people touching me in general though and most people know that so didn’t touch me.

Maybe get a top that says hands off the bump.

Mumoblue · 07/06/2021 08:10

It’s not okay. It’s so weird that people do it without asking.

It only happened to me once, at work, an older woman I worked with who put her hand on my belly before I could react. I did not enjoy it.

LemonRoses · 07/06/2021 08:13

They shouldn’t, but I think many women are drawn to new life and find baby bumps fascinating and comforting. I think they unthinkingly reach out to touch or stroke as a comfort/protective action rather than anything weird.

I would guess it evolved as recognising the pregnancy and need to protect pregnant women. Times have moved on, but innate behaviour probably hasn’t caught up.

Personally, I had mixed feelings about it. I never perceived it as sexually motivated but still felt a bit uncomfortable if I didn’t know the person well. I also felt a degree of pride and specialness at being able to grow a baby.

C8H10N4O2 · 07/06/2021 08:18

No they should keep their paws to themselves. I find it particularly inappropriate when men do it but nobody should be touching you without consent.

Unless its a cat, in which case they sit on the bump until the baby kicks them off Grin

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 07/06/2021 08:21

Nope it’s not ok. People wouldn’t start rubbing your tummy after an excessive Christmas Confused someone tried when I was pregnant and I was like what are you doing?!

Ragwort · 07/06/2021 08:30

Of course it's not OK, I would never dream of touching someone's bump (who would want to anyway Hmm?) and fortunately no one ever tried to touch my bump. I do have very strong personal boundaries and am not afraid to be assertive so maybe I give off the sort of vibe 'don't touch me'.

CounsellorTroi · 07/06/2021 08:33

I don’t understand people who want to touch pregnant women’s bumps. I would never dream of it.