Hold my hand, please - I'm in Emergency with Mum ...

[OutOfMyDepthOutOfMyMind]

(NC, as this might be outing)

See title ... and it looks as though this might be her 2nd, life-threatening hypertensive crisis in as many years.

I can't reach my fucking family, can't reach any of my close friends. Got my 2nd COVID shot early this morning and I think I've a temperature myself.

I know I've got to really hold it together and be a fucking adult here, but ... shit, I'm panicked and exhausted and alone and I really want my mum!

Please hand hold me for a bit until someone IRL turns up!

[quote OutOfMyDepthOutOfMyMind]@Purplepeoniesdroppingpetals, sorry, this sounds tough!!!

Hope your mum will be alright[/quote]
Thanks. Still waiting but I’m very much in the ‘bad news travels fast’ camp for this ten mins. May all change in the next ten mins. Having a breather and something to eat is an extremely sensible thing to do.

Sent her about a million texts and have rung about as many times.

Have opted to actually write "call back ASAP, mum's in A&E with a hypertensive crisis" ...

Still not answering.

I will text dad if there are bad news. Mum wouldn't want him to know because he'd inevitably spout some bullshit about her spiritual imbalance and whatnot. If she ends up in ICU again, I will text him, though, and demand he stay the hell sober for a night and zip it regarding the Trump shit as I can't deal with that right now.

... sometimes I get so bloody tired of always being the dependable, sensible one in this family.

This used to be mum with me as "heir apparent". Since her health scare, the tables seem to have turned.

My job is the same: I'm the fixer and my colleagues get to be the creative free spirits.

Gah, I'd really also quite like to be the baby the sensitive one and the one who is looked after.

... sorry ... just feeling really alone and out of my depth here.

good decisions so far.

you did everything you could to reach sister. not much else you can do so take a little break from worrying about her answering for now, if you can.

do you have any gaming apps to distract you for a few minutes or next hour? waiting is shit, I sometimes start culling emails & photos when waiting restlessly.

Good decisions, that's basically the problem here: I tend to take them, which is how I always end up being the one called in any emergency. I'm pathologically level headed. And a seasoned pro at getting me upon a warhorse, grabing a lance and be my own white knight when the occasion calls for one.

But, yeah, good suggestion ... I think I might unpack my laptop and archive some emails. Maybe get some work done. Write a handover briefing for my team in case I'm out for a few days ...

please don't apologise.
it's hard to be the responsible one.

I usually don't tell my mum about problems anymore, until after they are sorted because then instead of her comforting me she gets so worked up I have to soothe her. 🙄

it's even harder to no resent the ones who wriggle out of responsibilities and let you pick up the pieces.
totally understandable that you are fed up.

Hand hold here too. You’re doing everything you can, and yes, it’s incredibly frustrating to always be the reliable, responsible one.

Try and distract yourself if you can I caught Pokémon for 8 hours, but I’m a bit sad

""She, literally, tried to forbid to call an ambulance while lying on the floor. (At that point, of course, I did anyway, saying "mum, if you're going to off yourself by the means of self-sabotage, I'm afraid you'll have to do it without my assistance.""

Well said, that was a good thing to say. Stay strong.

draw a little heart on your hand.
that's all of us sending you love and being with you.

(I have to go as have guests coming, but will be thinking about you)

What a strong woman you sound although as you've said it's obvious it comes with it's downfalls.
for you.

If you can, sit still for a minute and close your eyes.

Just breathe. Feel the air coming in and sigh quietly as it flows out. Breathe in again, and out.

With each breath in, imagine you are breathing in support from all of the MNetters here on your thread. With each breath out exhale your anger, fear and tears.

We are with you, at your back, you are not alone.

You are the capable one, it is a gift and a curse.

You dont have to save your Mum, you can let her go down her own path.

If you can, try and find some peace with the idea that you dont have to be her hero, she doesnt have to be rescued. You can be a lovely, kind and compassionate daughter but step back and go ‘ok Mum, its your choice, I will sit with you but I wont step in and fix this.’ Its the hardest thing to do when you are a natural fixer but she has to run her own life however messy and misguided that may be.

Now imagine you have put your head on my shoulder, you can cry or just stand quietly while I rub your back. We are all here for you.

If you're the sensible one who will be handling this crisis, you've got to look after yourself too. Put your own oxygen mask on first and all that. Good decision to take some time out in a cafe.

Have you got a charger there? One thing I would pick up is a notebook and a pen if you don't have these. In sitting around waiting on various parental health scares I found it useful to be able to write down what I was told and who I spoke to. You think you'll remember but your mind is whirling.

Is there a friend who could come and meet you near the hospital for a bit, just to give you a chance to offload to someone face to face?

Hand hold from me. Hope your mum is okay 💕

Have planned ahead and rented two power banks for my phone while in town. This might take a while. ... told you I was the level-headed, sensible one around here.

Unfortunately stuck in a small town right now - the one with the closest hospital. Mum lives rurally, I live in the city. It's a 2 hour trip. So popping around to someone's or someone coming to keep me company for a bit is not really an option.

However, focussing on practicalities helps me, so I shall go ahead and book myself a room at a nice hotel just in case. One of the ones that will offer toiletries and a tooth brush.

Also, on a side note, the injection site from today's COVID shot is starting to actually hurt quite a lot and I'm generally feeling sore.

This was to be expected, of course, but ... thank you, life, your timing is simply IMPECCABLE!

I'm so sorry OP- I wish there was something we could do to make this easier for you.

Get yourself a nice hotel, make sure you have plenty of drinks and snacks and maybe a book in case you're stuck in a waiting room again, and look after yourself.

Thinking of you and @Purplepeoniesdroppingpetals and sending best wishes to you all

@OutOfMyDepthOutOfMyMind

Also, on a side note, the injection site from today's COVID shot is starting to actually hurt quite a lot and I'm generally feeling sore.

This was to be expected, of course, but ... thank you, life, your timing is simply IMPECCABLE!

get some painkillers in you asap then keep on top of the pain.

Hello again. I'm back from Aldi. Any news?

Book the nice room, definitely. Have you had some paracetamol?

Thanks for the best wishes - patient is back on the ward. Op can I suggest that you tell the hotel about what you’re going through? From what I’ve experienced in the last three days, people are very kind and you certainly deserve an upgrade and a decent meal, or people being very nice to you. Hope that flaky family sort themselves out a bit and help. Are you direct with them about what you need?

@Purplepeoniesdroppingpetals, this is so great to hear! Hope your mum recovers well!

Good news here, too, ... yes, hypertension (but fixed with some extra meds) ... apart from that it's "only" acute anaemia.

Mum being discharged. Taking her home. Staying the night just in case.

Thanks so, so, so much to everyone who's been helping me cope over the last few hours.

Brilliant news @OutOfMyDepthOutOfMyMind here's hoping you both have a peaceful night.

Great news. Look after yourself.

fab news!
take care x