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Single parents- what’s the hardest part of it for you?

33 replies

Tinkyroo · 05/06/2021 20:35

I’ve been a single parent to 2 children under 3 the past year.
I think what I find the hardest thing about the minute is the loooooong days, I’m a SAHM and while the days always felt long I remember knowing at 5 or so by husband would be home and it gave some structure to the day and I knew when he came in he would take over entertaining the kids for an hour is so so I could do the dinner which felt like a bit of respite at least.
I find it hard that it’s just me and them all day, no one else to break it up (we do go places and visit people but I mean in general there’s just us)
Would love to hear other people’s musings on being a single parent

OP posts:
tunnocksreturns2019 · 05/06/2021 23:11

I find the responsibility hard sometimes as PP said. But the biggest thing for me is knowing what both my kids and late DH are missing out on as they grow - he was such a wonderful dad and adored his DC. But I’m so so happy I have his children to bring up, even though it’s hard sometimes

TheYearOfSmallThings · 05/06/2021 23:26

The worst thing for me is when I am sick and I can't rest, just have to keep going. It really brings home the fact that if I ever break a leg, we are in deep shit.

ColaOlaLa · 05/06/2021 23:51

Never getting a break, I have 4 under 10 and their father isn’t involved so I’ve never had a night away from them in nearly 5 years. I look at mums who have the weekends child free and feel serious envy, never getting a break is killing me.

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Allgirlskidsanddogs · 05/06/2021 23:57

With young children it’s the lack of another pair of hands when out and about or when the children are ill.

Longer term it’s the unrelenting nature of never having a break and never having anyone to be Bad Cop or back me up.

BUT . . .
I wouldn’t change my girls. They’ve changed my life and I never have to share them.

Starlightstarbright1 · 06/06/2021 12:34

@Tinkyroo

I also find it hard getting out some Places and have to choose carefully places that I know I can manage with 2 runaway toddlers. Feel like they’re missing out sometimes because of this. Can’t ever imagine managing a holiday on my own with them
When my ds was little we did a lot if haven, butlins... they work really well.

My ds was 7 before i took him abroad

calamityjam · 06/06/2021 12:43

I realised the other day that I can't remember the last time I did something just for myself

Iquitit · 06/06/2021 12:56

The finances and the guilt.
My mum and sister were amazing, between them they filled the role of the other parent, attending things when I couldn't because I had to work, both were working/studying ft so I also relied heavily on nursery and friends sometimes - the guilt of having her pushed from pillar to post so I could work two jobs was immense, I felt guilty either way, if I took more time and had less money, or if I worked every second I still felt guilty. I guess it was being in that no win situation and having to balance it somehow, because there was very little input of time or money from her father to balance it out.

The upside to that is she never struggled with going to school or nursery, I never had the clinging and crying some people do, she was always happy to go in, or to nanny's or aunty without any bother, and she's now very independent and has an amazing relationship with both of them.

I guess the small things stick in my mind, like having to take the decision not to tell her she was going to her dad's until (if!) He turned up because I couldn't bear her disappointed little face and the sadness from her when he let her down, and there was nothing I could do about it.
Or saying no to a magazine because I couldn't afford it, or having to leave her with my mum when she was unwell because I couldn't take time off work without risking my job.

Mine is an adult now, and I'm incredibly proud of who she is and although it was so hard sometimes, it was definitely worth it.
It does and will get easier, gradually and day by day, until one day you realise you're where I am now - then you start wondering what the hell you're going to do with yourself now!

EdHelpPls · 06/06/2021 13:20

I think dealing with the ex is the main thing (but compared to us still being together its great!). Everything "important" is my responsibility but im not really bothered by it because I know it's done and done well. Plus I'd prob have been in same position if we were still together.
He just waits for them to be dropped off, plays Disney dad and waits for them to be collected.

I'm lucky to have an adult daughter (albeit with an illness that limits her quite a bit) and family nearby if I got ill or needed emergency childcare. That takes a huge weight off.

I wouldn't change it. I'm now intentionally single for last 5 years and I'm happy this way!

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