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Original poster

How to help friend in crisis

16 replies

imamearcat · 04/06/2021 23:01

Super long story / back story but won't go into detail.

My long time best friend from school is in an awful mess. She has split up with her long term partner due to her drink problems (although I think there might be more to it), she has nothing and is having some sort of breakdown.

Her family are a complete nightmare, she has been to stay with them but they are all alcoholics too, get her a glass of wine when she gets up, arguing, fighting etc. Not a good environment!

She's ended up going to stay at my mum and dads house while they are away (we are also away). They live locally to her ex/DC who has agreed to take her DC round daily. I spoke to her earlier in the week and she was super positive.

Things seem to have gone down hill. No one can really get in touch. Getting calls from people saying really worried. But we are 200 miles away.

Need to go and face the music tomorrow. Between me and my parents we can give her a safe place to stay but have to think of my children etc. And also my fairly old parents, depending on how bad she is?

What should I do/say/advise when I see her tomorrow?

OP posts:
Original poster
imamearcat · 04/06/2021 23:23

Anyone?

OP posts:
Embracelife · 04/06/2021 23:30

But you cannot cure her.
She needs to want to be helped
And she needs professional help.
You cannot give that.

Embracelife · 04/06/2021 23:32

She needs to go to gp (if she completely breaks down abd danger to herself then a and e )
Seek medical help
Call MIND
call mh crisis teaM
Call Al anon

Original poster
imamearcat · 05/06/2021 00:41

She has seen her GP.

OP posts:
Original poster
imamearcat · 05/06/2021 00:48

Also where is she supposed to stay if we can't cope with her?

OP posts:
romdowa · 05/06/2021 00:52

@imamearcat

Also where is she supposed to stay if we can't cope with her?
She would have to register with the local council as homeless.
Aquamarine1029 · 05/06/2021 00:55

It is shocking that you've allowed her to stay unsupervised in your parent's home. This was a terrible idea. The reality is that you can't fix her.

Original poster
imamearcat · 05/06/2021 01:02

Well thanks @Aquamarine1029 we've only been trying to help! She was desperate to be near to her son and was staying with very toxic people.

OP posts:
Original poster
imamearcat · 05/06/2021 01:03

Why are people so horrible on Mumsnet? Give someone a safe place to stay = terrible!

OP posts:
Silkiecats · 05/06/2021 01:21

If you think her or the kids are in immediate danger like a suicide attempt I would send someone round, if not possible call 999.

I would also consider if the kids are safe with her and / or her ex, if that is an issue would let school know.

It can be hard to get help for mental health, waiting lists can be horrendous but there should be a local crisis emergency number she can call - if she or you call her GP they should have it. This may have it as well:

www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline

Its very kind of you to let her stay though I would consider if she is well enough to be looking after the kids alone, there sometimes are more problems than people admit to and also some people aren't aware. Hopefully she is fine with the kids but sounds like she needs lots of support.

Embracelife · 05/06/2021 08:50

@imamearcat

Also where is she supposed to stay if we can't cope with her?
If she is vulnerable/ill then local services will step in What about the dc are they safe? If she is capable she can rent something get housing benefit If you or your parents wish to take on her care or provide housing g your choice but if she is as you say

In an awful mess
A drinker
Having a breakdown

Then May need help you cannot give

Original poster
imamearcat · 05/06/2021 12:13

Both DC are with their dads. No reason to think they wouldn't be safe.

Going to see her later so should hopefully have a better idea of the situation then.

OP posts:
Standrewsschool · 05/06/2021 12:39

Adult social services?

Samaritans - probably have access to local resources that can help

Woman’s refuge

Original poster
imamearcat · 05/06/2021 20:23

I've been to see her, she seemed pretty good today I think but sounds like it's been a bit of a bad week for her. She's spoken to the local crisis team who have given her loads of advice and are going to help her get on her feet and the help she needs.

I think I just need to help her with practicalities, signing up for universal credit, finding somewhere to live etc. Then just try and keep her positive and not going on a massive bender until she gets the help she needs.

OP posts:
BeastforLease · 05/06/2021 20:45

Citizens Advice Bureau

Also - she will not get housed whilst staying at your parents, and initially when she does get housed it is likely to be a bedsit.

Original poster
imamearcat · 05/06/2021 21:32

Well she can only really stay there until they are back from hols next week because there isn't really any room!

Bedsit would be fine.

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