Parents not interested in wedding

[texican]

This isn't an AIBU because I know I'm not really, but just wondering if anyone else has any ideas about moving the situation forward.

I am divorced. My parents were gutted about the (sudden; my choice) ending of my first marriage to a man. Second wedding coming up (to a woman) and they've not mentioned one word about it. They've accepted the wedding invitation and I know they have somewhere to stay (not because they've told me) but otherwise..nothing. I don't want to bring it up as I'm a bit gutted they've shown no interest at all but equally it's getting quite close and perhaps a bit awkward that it's just not been spoken about. They were very involved in the first wedding, almost too much. This time, not even a peep.

I don't want to bring it up but equally don't want it to carry on as is. I don't think I'm being unreasonable not talking about it without any questioning but equally know it'll be ultimately be my fault because I've "not included them". Can't win really. Sad today as my friend has just been bridal shopping with her mum and had a lovely time. I've done all that on my own this time around.

Sorry; not sure what I'm asking. Thoughts, I guess?

[quote texican]@BlueSurfer I do listen to what you're saying and I have thought the same. But I also always come back to - they are my parents l, they are adults too and surely should give me some sort of 'in' for me to mention it? If I randomly just bring it up that feels more crass than just carrying on as is?! Especially as I don't even know how they feel about the whole thing. I don't know. [/quote]
Do you think that maybe they feel the same way?

I’m not sure how you usually communicate but could you send an email to them asking for their advice about which colour goes best or favours they like etc to try to break the ice without needing to be there in person?

Given everything you've said it's really clear they are judgemental or at the very least disappointed in you because you had the gumption to leave 'a man' for a woman or a marriage they made a fuss of for another wedding they're embarrassed to make a fuss of

Either way they sound shit.

Congratulations on your happiness, I hope you and your wife's days are filled with joy and much love ❤️

How friendly and accepting are they towards your fiance?

Thanks @fluffiphlox. I don't see it as "other people's second weddings" I suppose; it's their daughter's second wedding. I've asked about people's weddings when they're much less related to me than my own family just to be polite, which I suppose is what I'm struggling with. Just surprised they can't just ask

I take the point that I could mention it randomly but why would I when they haven't even asked? I do take the point that I feel they can only be happy or not. If they'd just asked how it was going I might feel less binary about it though.

Love to know how many adults start randomly talking about their wedding plans without any invitation (particularly second weddings given everyone here is clear no one is interested in second weddings!).

@HelgaDownUnder mostly polite when needed but not all that delighted

Congratulations by the way. Remiss of me to have missed that!

Thank you @Ughmaybenot 🧡

@HelgaDownUnder probably worth saying for the benefit of this thread 1"- I'm not expecting them to be delighted! I was being a bit ironic.

Mmm. Second wedding may well be part of it. But...ignoring the possibility that this being a same sex wedding might also be having an effect feels a bit like when a bunch of white people rush to assure a poster from an ethnic minority that it can't have been racism, honest. I hope I'm wrong, and that your parents are genuinely accepting of your sexuality and relationships. But it could be a factor.

I wish you a happy wedding day, and a great marriage. I hope all your family and friends fully welcome your future wife. Congratulations.

Thanks @nocoolnamesleft it does feel a bit like that and to miss that aspect or casually say things like "they probably have an issue with it being same-sex" (get over it) is quite disorientating as although I fully empathise that it might be the case it's not that ok. I've spent 6 years trying to help them to feel ok about it but it feels like very little reward when they can't even show cursory interest.

@BlueSurfer and @LaurieFairyCake thank you. Sorry I missed your messages earlier. I know what you're saying is true.

I think you're right @LaurieFairyCake that they're embarrass that they had made a fuss before. Plus they don't value second marriages.

I guess I just wish they would just be open and honest with it rather than just silent and expect me to still do all the running. I don't mind making an effort; I've done it for 6 years. I guess that's why I feel that to not even politely ask how things are going is a bit falling

*galling

Wish you could edit posts!