Does race really matter when dating?

[zenithfreedom]

I have a black female friend who I have to feel for. She and I set up Tinder profiles a while back. I got many matches at the end of the week (50) while she only got (16). She said that she finds it hard to find dates with people outside her race as they're usually not open to dating black women.

I've heard that black women and Asian men do the worst on online dating sites.

But with this in mind, is it racist? I've heard people say that no one is obligated to date someone else and having a race preference is no more racist than having a gender preference is homophobic.

I think you can't help who you are or aren't attracted to, however I've noticed racism among certain female 'friends' who never swipe a black man as they're all shit fathers apparently

Both those things are true

You have the absolute right to date only those people you want to. You don't owe anybody a relationship with you.

And

If you rule out absolutely everyone of a particular ethnicity just because they are of that ethnicity and for no other reason that probably means you are racist.

@VettiyaIruken

Both those things are true

You have the absolute right to date only those people you want to. You don't owe anybody a relationship with you.

And

If you rule out absolutely everyone of a particular ethnicity just because they are of that ethnicity and for no other reason that probably means you are racist.

This.

I'm sure racism is rife on the dating apps.

It’s definitely a “thing” I watched a show on it once and it said exactly what you said about Black women struggling the most.

However saying that I don’t think it’s racist to not be attracted to certain races

@Sparklfairy

I think you can't help who you are or aren't attracted to, however I've noticed racism among certain female 'friends' who never swipe a black man as they're all shit fathers apparently

Is this from experience dating them or just listening to stereotypes?

I'm not sure it's outright racism, but probably an unconscious bias towards dating people who appear to be 'similar' to you.

It’s also about cultural aspects as well. I’m Chinese and DH is white. It has caused some friction between us. He finds some aspects a little hard and I find some English stuff a little hard. I’m sure race does come in to it sometimes but this aspect does need to be considered. For casual dating who cares but even stuff like his Mum being weird about me wanting red bridesmaids dresses and our families very differing attitudes to alcohol.

I have never been on a dating site in my life as married for 20 years but apparently Asian as in Chinese and Thai women do the best. The whole subservience and being very tiny and slim are the reasons apparently.

@zenithfreedom not personal experience afaik but anecdotal from 'people they know' and I suspect how black men can be depicted on tv etc more than anything. Of course any time a black man fucks off and abandons their child it's 'evidence' to suit their racist belief, yet a white man does the same and it's ignored.

As Auntienumber8 says it might not just be about race or colour as such but concerns about cultural differences too?

@VettiyaIruken

Both those things are true

You have the absolute right to date only those people you want to. You don't owe anybody a relationship with you.

And

If you rule out absolutely everyone of a particular ethnicity just because they are of that ethnicity and for no other reason that probably means you are racist.

This ^

Dismissing everyone because of the colour of their skin or the sound of their name ought to mean you need to have a look at your prejudices.

However, who would want to date a person who does that anyway ?

Of course, if you are willing to choose a partner by looking at a photo and a paragraph about themselves (like picking out of a catalogue), you can set your parameters however wide or however narrow as you like...... height, weight, no-one with bald or thinning hair, only people with auburn hair, no-one with glasses, only people that live within 10 miles of you, no-one who doesn't have a traditional name, only people who make themselves sound 'wacky', only people in certain professions, only people who are within certain age limits, only people who have not been divorced, etc etc etc.

Totally up to you how much you want to restrict yourself.

@VettiyaIruken

Both those things are true

You have the absolute right to date only those people you want to. You don't owe anybody a relationship with you.

And

If you rule out absolutely everyone of a particular ethnicity just because they are of that ethnicity and for no other reason that probably means you are racist.

Have to disagree. I'm mixed and I have been attracted to men of every race and background. But I want to date somebody I relate to. For me that's fairly broad.

For a white person with mostly white friends, a Muslim partner for example might not fit in.

Also, I don't think racial preferences are racist, period. Black women have racial preferences like anyone else. And let's not forget the opposite- racial fetishisation.

@zenithfreedom I met my partner on OK Cupid. I’m mixed race (quite dark) and he is white. I had quite a few matches, but I liked the site as it wasn’t based purely on how you look. There is a questionnaire asking loads of random questions and results in a percentage for how compatible you are. Basically your values, morals, ethics etc.

One question that sticks in my mind as I thought it was weird was something like “do you have a preference to have a child with someone the same race as you?”
You can’t see someone’s answers unless you’ve answered the same question. One guy contacted me, but when I reviewed his answers to all questions he said yes to that one. That was a no from me!

Maybe try OK Cupid?

For context, it’s been over seven years since I met my partner and we have two kids, so worked for me.