Anyone here dated a man in 30s/40s who has never had a relationship?! Please help!

[Ltreackes]

I’ve been dating someone a few months and I’ve really fallen for him. He’s turning 40 next month and he’s never had a relationship. He’s had dates and he’s had a few false start relationships but basically never been on holiday with a woman, never celebrated an anniversary, never lived with someone etc etc.

I’m finding it hard to navigate things sometimes. For example he gets very very shy if I do anything nice. We went to a park the other week and I bought him a tiny little lion toy (in joke) and he was awkward about the whole thing. He seems into us but sex was slow to come too, he can be quite formal.

Is this here to stay or is it worth investing in?! I really do like him but his approach to us has been really unusual, mainly very formal in messages and rigid with organisation in a way you wouldn’t necessarily expect a few months in

I'd give him time. It's still early days. I wouldn't end it based on what you've said.

I'd be slow and gentle with him and not make an issue of his uneasiness /formalities. In time, hopefully, he should relax.

40years is a loooong time to be single so it's a huge adjustment for him.

How did you meet OP? Was he proactively looking for a relationship?
I ask because my Auntie met a man in his late 30s who had never had a relationship (just the odd date). He was extremely passive - she made all the moves and ended up living with him for about 5 years before finally giving up the idea he ever wanted to properly commit to her.
Not saying your man is going to be a commitment-phobe, but I would have thought it’s fairly unusual to reach 40 without having had a proper relationship and then suddenly be able to settle down with someone.

There are several people in my ex-bf's friendship group who have had little to no experience of relationships. They are sweet people but when faced with a woman they either tend to panic and run away, or be really clingy. Obviously your man has got past the former. Give him a fair go, but be aware you might have to do some teaching/ modelling of how to handle bumps in the road.

I think by late 30's / 40's you have developed your own way of doing things and it's hard to adapt to another person. Someone can cling to their ways firstly because it's comfortable for them and secondly becuase changing can be a challenge. He might become more flexible in time, or this might be it.

Maybe keep an eye out; after hard experiece I'd say that excessive inflexibility can possibly be a sign of autism, which means a different set of challenges. But it can also be just that he's used to his own ways.

As plop said though, you might have to teach him how to handle the bumps in the road.

My husband was 32 and eternally single apart from two late teen relationships, until we got together. He has a very specific career which he wanted to focus on making successful and also he was surrounded by people who thought cheating and lying was normal in relationships and he said that always put him off.
Sex was strange to start with in that he was so enthusiastic that he needed guidance to be a bit gentler
We've been together 7 years now and he's the most amazing husband I could ever wish for.
I had two kids from previous marriage and he's taken them on genuinely as his own and we have a child together now too.
We have always been very honest with eachother and we both know we don't need eachother, we want eachother. We would be fine apart if we had to be but we don't want that.