Venturing out into the world again - and finding it a bit shit.

[LunaNorth]

Is it just me?

I went to a lovely market town yesterday. It was my first ‘bit of a drive out’ since things eased off a bit, so I was looking forward to it.

When I got there, it was nice, but totally choked with traffic. I know I was there in a car myself, so I’ve no right to moan. And it was a bit run down, and the shops were disappointing, and I just came away feeling meh.

I’m noticing this happening quite frequently lately. I get the urge to go somewhere, and when I do, it’s packed out, queues for everything, dirty, there’s no parking, drunk people are everywhere, etc etc, and I just end up wishing I’d stayed at home.

What’s happening to me? I used to love being out and about, and was never a misery guts. Have things changed for the worse? Is it a reaction to lockdown? Middle age?

The thought of just hanging out at home depresses and delights me in equal measure. Help.

Have found things a bit less shiny than I thought they'd be but I think that's partly cos I'd built it all up in my own mind
Agree with TheQueef... about lockdown revelations- it's surprising the things that used to be part of my routine that couldn't happen in lockdown -now that I have been able to get back to it I wonder what I missed about it.

We are spending half term reading in the garden and going on local bike rides. Everything else is either stressful or disappointing. Going out for dinner is lovely because of having to book and having table service but I’ve no desire to battle crowds and queues anywhere.

[quote LunaNorth]@TheQueef I think you might be right. I’m a natural introvert, but I have the nagging doubt that I ‘should’ be out and about.

So I go, and it’s rubbish. At least lockdown took away the FOMO.[/quote]
Oh. I'm a natural introvert and always careful about where I go and what time.

Never take a day's leave in half term, school holidays. Know the football schedule to know when to avoid the pub.

Did you really used to love being out and about or is it a false memory?

Masks put me off going outside even in my usual carefully chosen times.

Yes, you're driving a car but it's not your fault we're so overpopulated!

The authoritarian vibe means a lack of enjoyment is almost guaranteed

Instructions everywhere, warnings everywhere, people judging one another (like on this thread - masks outside?!?), it’s never going to feel good despite your best efforts

I agree. Yesterday I went shopping as I don’t really have any summer clothes that aren’t falling apart, because obviously I didn’t buy any last year and was so disappointed. Everything looked shabby and I genuinely couldn’t find anything I liked. I actually felt really deflated because of it!

OT @koalaroobear The population density in Australia is not evenly spread out and has it's own problems. Much of it is on the West Coast, causing issues with building close to areas prone to bushfires or floods and pressures on water & power supplies ("brown outs", which are planned black outs). And the power infrastructure is mostly still coal-based, e. g. NSW around 75% reliant on coal compared to UK less than 5% the last few years.

Maybe you just need to find some more enjoyable activities instead of visiting the shops. I went to a local shopping complex by a lake on Monday. I booked a kayak, packed a picnic and although the shopping complex was absolutely rammed (spent 15 minutes trying to find parking amongst the thousands of spaces), I was only in the crowds for 30 minutes before I hopped in the kayak, crossed the lake and headed down the river. It was 6 hours of pure bliss in the sunshine after that. We passed a lot of other people out on kayaks, canoes, paddle boards etc but it was very peaceful and we mainly saw them by the locks where we were grateful for their help.

nah, not just you.
it's too people-y outside. always been.
yuck

The authoritarian vibe means a lack of enjoyment is almost guaranteed

Agree with this; I’m much more likely to be put off by masks, pointless rules and lack of spontaneity than I am by crowds. I’ve been out to dinner a few times now and found the booking ahead annoying and the half-empty restaurants completely lacking in atmosphere (quite literally sterile!)

Agree about the depressing shops though - I desperately need some new summer clothes but can’t face shabby shops full of old stock, masked browsing in hot weather or hit and not knowing whether I’ll be able to actually try stuff on.

@LunaNorth

I can see that sounded ageist. Apologies.

No problem! I can tell you feel down, but remember it's not linked to age. Probably a bit of an anticlimax after a stressful time

I agree. The atmosphere is different at the moment and far less enjoyable.

It’s so hard to be spontaneous, places that are open have limited capacity, and plenty of things I’d like to enjoy I can’t, because they’re closed or booked up weeks ahead.

I just can’t really be arsed now.

@MilduraS

Maybe you just need to find some more enjoyable activities instead of visiting the shops. I went to a local shopping complex by a lake on Monday. I booked a kayak, packed a picnic and although the shopping complex was absolutely rammed (spent 15 minutes trying to find parking amongst the thousands of spaces), I was only in the crowds for 30 minutes before I hopped in the kayak, crossed the lake and headed down the river. It was 6 hours of pure bliss in the sunshine after that. We passed a lot of other people out on kayaks, canoes, paddle boards etc but it was very peaceful and we mainly saw them by the locks where we were grateful for their help.

That sounds blissful! I do go swimming in a local lake, and love it. Maybe I need to appreciate the small things.

It's been hectic in town more so than usual I think

Usually when it gets hot it gets quiet as people tend to go away

I try and avoid it at the worst times

I think it’s great! Have to be organised and book stuff well in advance but the limited numbers allowed mean places that would ordinarily be packed in half term are actually accessible to my child with autism who cannot deal with crowds - the swimming pool for instance and our local museum. Awful for the operators who must be haemorrhaging money, but nice for us that we have opportunities to visit places we normally can’t.

It probably helps I no longer care about covid, so the fact that almost all public behaviour bar some masks seems to have returned to normal is fine with me. Sure, people are leaving litter and being annoying in parks and stuff, but they’ve always done that, I think people just forgot - even without covid after recent weather a sunny and warm bank holiday/half term was always going to be like this.

I feel like the joy has been sucked out of doing stuff in a slightly different way. Having to prebook everything ages in advance takes away any spontaneity. The "roolz " are fecking annoying - walk this way, stand there, don't cross this line. It doesn't make for a relaxing outing. Wear a mask so you don't see the stranger smiling endearingly at your child or bother with chit chat with the cashier as you can't easily communicate across two masks and screen.

It's definitely not just you Luna.

I think there's an element of once you have coped without doing something, you question how important or pleasurable it is. I'd been avoiding shops almost completely for months. When non essential retail opened I wandered around town and did go into an artsy independent gift, cards, type shop. It felt normal but a bit meh.

Seeing friends on the other hand is really good but also a bit overwhelming.

Maybe you’re just ageing

I’m early 20s and still enjoying the outside

It’s half term. I always feel like this at half term. Rammed and hot weather doesn’t help.

Everywhere is rammed I hate it. Feeling trapped in this very small country. We have been spending this week pottering about the house and garden and it's been lovely.

@callmemaybee

Maybe you’re just ageing

I’m early 20s and still enjoying the outside

Oh, there’s no ‘maybe’ about it, chucky egg.

Everything looks like a forensic crime scene.
I miss faces.
And just doing random stuff when I feel like it.

I'm so bored of being at home.
It's too stressy to go anywhere nice and exciting.
I'm bored of walking/ running and just generally being within 5 miles of home.

I've got a wedding coming up very soon. No point in buying a lovely outfit because once the 30 min ceremony is done I have to go home because of the restrictions and too much uncertainty of planning a reception and rule of 6 for going for a meal. Plus I haven't worn anything fancy in my wardrobe for at least 18m.
Everything is tainted.

@BogRollBOGOF exactly.

I’m dying to see the sea. We were going to go today. But I know the roads will be rammed, the car parks will be too, everything will be busy and stressful and I just can’t face it.

So we’re off to the local Buddhist retreat yet a fucking gain instead.

OP I can see where you are coming from. I love my local city but at the moment the centre is full of drunks, feels dirty, and the shops are tired and sad. There has been no investment in retail around here in the past year and when the centre shut down the drunks moved in. It feels rough in a way that it didn’t before. Also many local shops haven’t kept their fronts clean or looking nice, perhaps understandably, which makes everything feel grim.

Oh, I know what you mean but for slightly different reasons.
I went into the nearest small market town last week, I live pretty remotely. It was dead. It used to be such a thriving, bustling little place but it was almost empty. Walked down the main street & over three quarters of the shops were closed & stripped of stock or boarded up so no sign of reopen any time soon. It was really depressing.
So the day after I drove to a small retail park. Most of the shops were open, they are all big chains rather than independent shops like the market town had, but good grief!! The rules & regulations! The walkways divided in half by metal fencing, walk this way, back on the other side. Little Hitlers on all the doors checking people in & that they’d masks & kept to the in/out side of the doors. As others have said, masks stop even the basic passing the time of day with other shoppers or staff....what a thoroughly miserable experience.

@NotFrozen

OP I can see where you are coming from. I love my local city but at the moment the centre is full of drunks, feels dirty, and the shops are tired and sad. There has been no investment in retail around here in the past year and when the centre shut down the drunks moved in. It feels rough in a way that it didn’t before. Also many local shops haven’t kept their fronts clean or looking nice, perhaps understandably, which makes everything feel grim.

You don’t live in York, do you? Because that sounds very familiar.