Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How to help 10 yo boy with friendship stuff

17 replies

Ozgirl75 · 02/06/2021 04:41

My 10 year old is struggling a bit with friendship issues - he has friends and hangs out with a few different groups but he says he doesn’t have a great deal in common with them, and feels that sometimes they just kind of tolerate him but he doesn’t feel particularly close to any of them.
He’s not interested in sport, although he plays sport well, he doesn’t find watching it or talking about it interesting. He also finds a lot of things that the other boys like a bit boring and I can imagine that he sometimes comes across as a bit kind of stuck up and dismissive of the things they like.
I’ve told him that he either has to try to cultivate the interests of the children he likes, or find children with similar interests to him. Problem is, he’s kind of niche - he loves space, time travel, books, mysteries etc, watches the (kids) news and wants to talk about world politics and the environment etc. I think he can be a little serious and full on, BUT he’s also funny and kind and sweet and maybe a little young for his age.
He goes to a big school with over 150 kids in his year alone and I’ve said to hunt out the other kids who are in the library at recess etc but I’m not sure how to advise or help him really. Any suggestions?

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 02/06/2021 05:56

Get him into some after school clubs....libraries and museums are good starters. There might be something he'd love and he will meet others with similar interests.

COVID might have ruined a lot of what would normally be on offer. Many quirky kids find their tribe at high school. Mine did. She's a bit of an oddball and loves things like world history and ethics.

At high school there were new kids...and more kids and more clubs. So she made more friends that she valued.

Original poster
Ozgirl75 · 02/06/2021 06:04

He already does chess and loads of tennis and debating - and he goes to a thing in the holidays for “gifted” kids (he isn’t really properly gifted, just above average intelligence really) which he LOVES as it’s all similarly quasi nerdy kids with niche interests, but they’re from all over the country. Although I’m hoping now he has an iPad with messenger he can keep in touch with some of these kids.
Library is a great idea though, he adores all libraries and I had forgotten that they might do things for older kids too.
I’m hoping high school will open up to some more types of kids too!

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 02/06/2021 06:08

Have you considered letting him start a YouTube channel? Not with his face in it...but creating videos, voicing them and with you keeping a hard eye on the comments?

The reason I suggest this is not so he can make more friends but so he can learn important skills which if he's talented, could later be a good way for him to cash in on his intelligence.

Also, is he interested in history? Might he enjoy mudlarking? If you're not sure what that is, just tell me and I'll send some links.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

10 year olds
Original poster
Ozgirl75 · 02/06/2021 06:09

Funny you mention world history and ethics - one of the courses he did in the holidays was on Greek history and ethics, all about Plato and Aristotle etc, he loved it.

OP posts:
LeafBeetle · 02/06/2021 06:11

Can you arrange a few play dates with children he likes? Getting together one to one outside the school environment can help friendships flourish.

colouringcrayons · 02/06/2021 06:14

I wouldn't worry. My children are older and at this age they were similar - I would say they were more serious/into real world issues than a lot of kids at primary? But in secondary they found more like them.

I just would focus on the positives - he can get on with a wide range of people and is not being bullied at all.

Tbh, he sounds ok to me!

FortunesFave · 02/06/2021 06:15

@Ozgirl75

Funny you mention world history and ethics - one of the courses he did in the holidays was on Greek history and ethics, all about Plato and Aristotle etc, he loved it.
He'd get on with my DD lol! She's currently interested in Descartes. She's also interested in Chinese political history. Makes for fascinating conversation (being a bit sarcastic because I'm a simple soul and I like antiques and crafts!)
Original poster
Ozgirl75 · 02/06/2021 07:22

Thank you - this is all really reassuring that he’ll find more kindred spirits as he gets a bit older. He isn’t bullied and he isn’t even unpopular, he just hasn’t found a close group really.

OP posts:
colouringcrayons · 02/06/2021 07:51

Was just thinking as well that being OK doing their own thing can look like they are not very friendly, but they are just still too young to prioritise friends over either themselves or their families. That doesn't make them selfish or anything, mine were kind, but no way would they have wanted to see a film they didn't fancy just because a friend invited them, they would have looked at me like Hmm if I suggested it. By 15 of course their primary motivation was opportunity to be with their peers so then they would go along with something someone else suggested even if it wasn't their thing.

Marguerite2000 · 02/06/2021 08:58

@Ozgirl75

Thank you - this is all really reassuring that he’ll find more kindred spirits as he gets a bit older. He isn’t bullied and he isn’t even unpopular, he just hasn’t found a close group really.
I would stop worrying, tbh. He sounds quite secure in his own personality and interests, which is a good thing.
Original poster
Ozgirl75 · 02/06/2021 12:09

@FortunesFave I’ve never heard of mudlarking, sounds interesting! He does like history, we’re originally from the U.K. and now live in Aus and he loves the castles and things when we come back to visit.
I’m not sure about a YouTube channel, I would hate for him to be made fun of. Maybe I could get him to make videos just for his friends. Not sure, I don’t want to do anything that would invoke ridicule!

OP posts:
colouringcrayons · 02/06/2021 13:25

[quote Ozgirl75]@FortunesFave I’ve never heard of mudlarking, sounds interesting! He does like history, we’re originally from the U.K. and now live in Aus and he loves the castles and things when we come back to visit.
I’m not sure about a YouTube channel, I would hate for him to be made fun of. Maybe I could get him to make videos just for his friends. Not sure, I don’t want to do anything that would invoke ridicule![/quote]
One of mine built a website, never published it online, just coded it all up for their own interest.

FortunesFave · 02/06/2021 13:39

Yes...ColouringCrayons post sums up what I'm getting at really. Doesn't need to be YouTube...it's more about getting them to do and to create things under their own steam. Bright kids can push themselves a bit harder if they're shown how or given permission too.

Original poster
Ozgirl75 · 02/06/2021 23:52

He’s actually already pretty creative, he writes stories, plays and writes music etc but a lot of these things are solo enterprises!

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 03/06/2021 04:29

Encourage him to think in an entrepreneurial fashion. To be productive and to join online communities where these things are discussed.

There are online groups for kids who write - you can keep an eye on the content.

colouringcrayons · 03/06/2021 06:14

@Ozgirl75

He’s actually already pretty creative, he writes stories, plays and writes music etc but a lot of these things are solo enterprises!
It doesn't matter if they are solo things.

In general there is a lot of pressure to be super-friendly, but content, creative and able to amuse yourself are extremely valuable skills.

Cowbells · 03/06/2021 06:37

My DS joined a Politics chat online at about that age. He is now friends irl with a few of those people. He struggled at school to make friends and enjoyed meeting up in London parks for picnics and sometimes at each other's homes with a group of other like-minded geeks.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page