Asperger’s or just a Cunt?

[Scautish]

Is this an acceptable question?

I am autistic and find it hurtful, but I think many people think it’s ok to question this.

(This was said to me verbatim - about someone else - a few weeks ago)

it seems any acceptance by the majority of the NT community of anything outside their norms not only isn't understood but the effort to understand it and the desire to understand it is absent

@BlankTimes

Spot on. Thank you.

Not ironic, my lived experience. The inability to accept a view point different to his own is another of the traits I find challenging in my ASD DP. I am going to leave this discussion now before my own ND traits get the better of me.

Asd and adhd here . Im pretty sure there are neurodiverse People who are cunts. I can certainly be a dickhead from time to time and sometimes I mean it. Being neurodiverse doesn't mean that you can't also be a bit of a shit person .

I’m autistic and rude/derogatory remarks are offensive, whoever says them. Although I also see some other autistic people saying on social media that their difficult behaviour needs to be tolerated more because they are autistic. Or strongly insinuated. Take Elon Musk, he’s said some dreadful things and to me, his coming out as aspergers was heavily accompanied with remarks such as ‘my brain is different so I might say odd things’ - which I saw as a bit of PR to cover his tracks.

Perhaps it’s just some of the people in social media, as I don’t see many autistic people in RL excuse behaviour - but I think that doesn’t help. Shouting at someone but then saying ‘it was a meltdown’ for example.

But I’m just wondering why the need to use such derogatory language? Why not Asperger’s or a bit rude/insensitive/arrogant? But cunt is such a venomous description and I think reveals the disregard with which so many view us.

Who knows why the person whom you were talking to used the C word. I hate the word but I also don't know what the person actually did.

Can you imagine if two teachers were discussing a child who was having trouble reading; “dyslexic or thick as pigshit?”
Teachers would be operating in a professional capacity, so wouldn't use the word thick, but yes I'm sure they would discuss Why? Is a child struggling. Many Dyslexic kids struggle along under the radar.

Or a child who had hearing issues as “deaf or an ignorant little twat?”
If they knew a child had hearing issues why would they call them ignorant?

It's different out in the community where people aren't going to walk about with a big sign showing their disabilities. And people aren't talking in a professional capacity.
Remember many adults with dyslexia or ASD possibly don't even know they have it. Schools seem much more up on picking these things up in the last 20 years.

@Scautish

Also people can say hurtful things in a casual way without realising the effect it has. Your friends sound like the latter.

@Sparrowsong

Quite an ironic statement really?

But I’m just wondering why the need to use such derogatory language? Why not Asperger’s or a bit rude/insensitive/arrogant? But cunt is such a venomous description and I think reveals the disregard with which so many view us.

Can you imagine if two teachers were discussing a child who was having trouble reading; “dyslexic or thick as pigshit?”

Or a child who had hearing issues as “deaf or an ignorant little twat?”

Neither of these things would be remotely acceptable. Each child might be displaying traits which are not “normal” but a decent person, an educated person, surely realised there could be underlying issues amd doesn’t immediately offer insults as an explanation?

I’m just asking why the same courtesy is not extended to autistic people?

These are really well put analogies, thank you they may come in useful (sadly).

I totally understand what you are saying even if others don't seem to get it

Ha! I have aspergers and this just make me laugh. 😂

Yeah, people literally despise us. Lots of parents of autistic children complaining about them as well, like they're unruly dogs they've been saddled with. It's like we're subhuman or something. I get that parenting an autistic child is difficult, but the language used is so dismissive of their humanity.

OP I think sometimes the suggestion that a person may be autistic is not about excusing twatty behaviour of basically saying that autistic people are twats.

I do sometimes suggest a person may be autistic based on a description of them in a few posts. I work in autism diagnosis so I have a good autism "nose".

However, what it's really important to understand is that the problem lies in the NT interpretation of a behaviour and ascribing of intent or motive to it. NOT that autistic people are cunts.

Upthread there is a great example of this. A man who can't attend his child's play performances because of the crowds, but watches the videos with great interest after.

An NT person who doesn't get that the person is autistic will probably ascribe a different reason to this: "My DH can never be arsed to attend performances but expects me to video them so he can watch at his own convenience. WIBU to tell him I won't video any more and he has to make the effort to actually show up for his kid?"

Of course the truth is that the DH is struggling with sensory overload etc and is interested in supporting his child as best he can.

As you see the NT interpretation of this behaviour assumes the guy is a twat. Those of us suggesting maybe he is autistic are not saying that because autistic people are twats, but because their behaviour can very easily be misunderstood.

I don't really know how to say it any more clearly than that. But if a poster described behaviours that clearly demonstrate issues with social communication and interaction, sensory overwhelm, or issues with thinking flexibly I will keep mentioning it as a possibility because every autistic person deserves to be understood.

@mybrainhertz

Yeah, people literally despise us. Lots of parents of autistic children complaining about them as well, like they're unruly dogs they've been saddled with. It's like we're subhuman or something. I get that parenting an autistic child is difficult, but the language used is so dismissive of their humanity.

Interesting about mentioning, Wyld Stallions I think that's valid as long as you include the actuality for the autistic person and the NT's wrong assumptions.

"However, what it's really important to understand is that the problem lies in the NT interpretation of a behaviour and ascribing of intent or motive to it. NOT that autistic people are cunts.

Upthread there is a great example of this. A man who can't attend his child's play performances because of the crowds, but watches the videos with great interest after.

An NT person who doesn't get that the person is autistic will probably ascribe a different reason to this: "My DH can never be arsed to attend performances but expects me to video them so he can watch at his own convenience. WIBU to tell him I won't video any more and he has to make the effort to actually show up for his kid?"

Of course the truth is that the DH is struggling with sensory overload etc and is interested in supporting his child as best he can.

As you see the NT interpretation of this behaviour assumes the guy is a twat. Those of us suggesting maybe he is autistic are not saying that because autistic people are twats, but because their behaviour can very easily be misunderstood.

I don't really know how to say it any more clearly than that. But if a poster described behaviours that clearly demonstrate issues with social communication and interaction, sensory overwhelm, or issues with thinking flexibly I will keep mentioning it as a possibility because every autistic person deserves to be understood."

That's an area where education about autism could do a lot of good.

Sorry, the mybrainhertz quote wasn't supposed to be included in my previous post.

Thank you for all replies (and @JOJ0JO I’m glad you got the analogy as at least one person didn’t)

I understand that some people think it’s an OK thing to say and that tells me everything I need to know.

We do face prejudice day to day in a world that’s very much designed around non-autistic people but hopefully one day more people will not only be aware, but understand and be more empathetic towards us.

I’d actually challenge the NT / autism divide - as in there are differences but this completely misses out individual difference. I think it’s whipped up to be one tribe against the other, which isn’t helpful for anyone. It’s whipped up both by NTs and autistics.

My autistic Ex (I’m autistic) was less tolerant of my autistic traits and less understanding than my other NT boyfriend for example.

However I do agree that the world is more set up for NTs. It’s also more set up for white privileged males on the whole too.

I am ND (ADHD) and try hard to fit in - my toes curl at some of things I have said or done 10, 20, 30 years ago. This has been brought into sharp focus for me by someone I work with: His behaviour verges on being intolerable. Everything has to be done his way and his criticism if it isn't, feels like death by a thousand cuts. I do not know if he is NT or ND but as a colleague, he is a flipping nightmare to work with. What I am trying to say is that, whilst not a nice thing to say or hear (and bullying of anyone is wholly unacceptable), may be whoever said it was at the end of their tether - we don't know what caused them to say this.

And for anyone who thinks I don't "have to fit in", if you want to get on with your colleagues and not dread going to work, trust me, you do

The C word is unacceptable in any context, even for someone with no neurodiverse condition.

Taking the C word out the question.

The person is questioning is the 3rd party, got a reason for their behaviour or not. Is that not a slight improvement on just assuming they are nasty person.

Yes I can 100% see why that would be offensive. I have two ASD friends who are lovely.

My brother coincidentally has Aspergers but he is a thoroughly unpleasant, selfish, rude, mysoginistic, homo/transphobic and generally miserable individual.

His Aspergers doesn’t make him a twat, his personality does.

But i do think maybe he doesn’t realise how much of a twat he is because he doesn’t see WHY his comments are so hideous or offensive.