How to evict a cat?

[Ethelswith]

A rather handsome cat has moved in to the neighbourhood recently.

It's just given me the fright of my life by running out from behind the sofa.

It's now under the kitchen table (door to rest of house shut) and I've opened the back door. But instead of continuing to run out it's glaring at me and hissing

So, what are the best ways of dealing with an uninvited feline guest who isn't taking the hint to leave?

Back door is open, and I'd quite like to see the actual departure (so I'm sure it's gone). I'm MNetting from the garden, in sight of the back door but well to one side so not to be off putting.

I suppose I just wait? Doing things like ostentatiously clearing up, yawning or telling it I need to go out shortly aren't going to work, are they?

Put a tin of tuna in the garden to entice it out? Or just pick it up and take it out?

Do you have some tuna? Put some on a plate outside your back door he will most likely come out to investigate if not then I guess you just won yourself a cat.

Or, just give in. You will in the end, you know

If you’re really not keen (how could you not be ????) bit of tepid water in a spray bottle in the direction of the door.

How much do you want to keep the cat? If you feed it treats you may find it returns to your house at a later point. If you choose to pick it up, make sure you are wearing heavy duty gardening gloves and long-sleeved clothes.

(You gave it away with the “rather handsome”. You’ll be on next week asking for names 🤣)

Water, flicked at it or with a spray bottle. It’ll leave and won’t harm him. Please don’t tempt out with food, he’ll see it as reward and keep coming back.

The water in a spray bottle suggestion worked for us when we had an uninvited guest in our house (our cat had completely lost control of his territory, including his own house!).

When we moved and a neighbourhood cat kept letting itself in I took to keeping a spray bottle of water on hand and used that on it. It did absolutely no harm but it learned quickly not to come in. Could you try that?
I wouldn't feed it because it'll likely come back for more!

I love cats and I am owned by 3 of the furry fuckers but no fucking way would I allow some interloper to infiltrate my home.
Chase it out with a well aimed slipper to its arse!

“If you choose to pick it up, make sure you are wearing heavy duty gardening gloves and long-sleeved clothes”

Very good point, snowyOwl.
Adore cats, as does elderly mum. She tried to assist a stray, was bitten, arm looked like a leg next morning and the lovely A&E dr. at Kingston told her that cats bites are worse than rat bites, infection-wise. Needed an injection and 10 days of oral antibiotics 😱

No, I don't want to keep the cat!

I don't mind cats whose owners are out all day coming to say hello - a previous local cat did this, and the owner knew and was fine as long as I never fed it

But I'm not to keen on this one because of the hissing - that's why I've not tried to just bundle it out. I don't think it's friendly and it's very aloof when I've seen it in the garden. And I don't like the way it stares at me.

Definitely not going to use food.

Might wait another 10 mins or so. After that I might have to do something creatve with the spray mop

Do not, under any circumstances, feed it or it will view it's cute little paws being well under your table.

The lid of a storage box or large chopping board can be used to usher it out or as suggested water.

I have 3 cats, the one thing guaranteed to get them moving is the hoover. The second I turn it on they jump up and run as fast and as far as they can away from it. So, in your situation I’d close every door apart from the back door and start hoovering away. He’ll soon be legging it down your garden path.

Carrier bag, give it a rattle and it should scarper.

I’m afraid it is you who needs to move out, it’s his house now.
If you are VERY nice to you he may let you stay.

Don't feed it!!

Spray with water.

Problem solved, I think.

Whilst I was looking at my screen, I heard a rattle on the fence and think I saw a tail vanishing over it

S/he is handsome, but doesn't seem remotely friendly. Clearly quite bold as happy to wander in, but manner was suspicious/hostile and although I realise the human role is to be slave, I'm not up for something that unfriendly!

He's playing hard to get.

Next time he graces you with his presence, he will likely be accommodatingly friendly, particularly if you happen to be eating at the time.

This treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen approach works over time, as you'll be so taken with his change in behaviour, you'll feel obliged to reward Nigel the Magnificat's kindness with a small morsel.

Yes, Nigel. All cats need a name.

Let us know how your relationship with Nigel progresses.

Rev the hoover up...95% of cats despise them. Either that or start mopping or sweeping as that goes down like a lead balloon with mine...good luck!

Rip some tin foil or shake out a black bin bag.

Terrifies my cat (no idea why)

Broom. An interloper scared the shit out of me, hiding under my bed and hissing! Didn’t come back, thank god.

More excellent ideas if it gets in again.

I went out to the bins and it was in the garden again. It's staking the place out, I'm sure.

Just as we get a heatwave, I can't leave the door open!

It can't be a Nigel (family member) and for all I know it's a Nigella. 'That Bloody Cat' is leading contender right now