How to be less annoying?

[Rewis]

I'm annoying and I need to stop.

I've never been the awesomest person in the world but I've noticed that I've become intolerant and diagreeable and too opinionated. I don't know if it's covid fatique (wfh, living alone), personal life (job, relationship), mental health (anxiety), age (getting old and grumpy) or just my personality but I've noticed that I talk way too much and somehow I get into a weird devils advocate role. Regardless of the reason, I need to learn to control it.

I usually notice it a little too late that I should have said "that sucks" and kept my opinions to myself and in general be more present and interested. I notice that I may have said something and I start to backtrack and then I overcompensate and feel like crap. It's not like I'm just throwing insults but I struggle feeling light and breezy.

Any tips? How to think before talk? I dunno..How to control own annoying-ness?

Oh, hi there, me! I'm afraid I don't have any advice but I have noticed similar traits in myself lately. I talk too much, my stories go on forever and if someone says anything I always have a story of my own to tell about it. I think I'm an insufferable know-it-all in all honestly!

I'll stick around to see if there's any advice if that's ok with you

Who said you were annoying?

Hat you’re describing sounds more like all of us emerging from our hermitages at the moment. I think everyone is chattier than normal and a bit de-socialised.

I wouldn’t worry too much. Sip water or chew gum if you need a trick to remind you to slow down and think!

I'm like that, my brain is going stfu, but my mouth is going, nah, it's alright, I've got this one.

I've developed a range of neutral phrases,,that must be very difficult for you, I'm sorry to hear that, I think they may have expressed themselves badly, Ive never thought of it that way, my preferred way to do it would be etc

And me. I am always so negative and I wish I wasn't. I don't know how my DH puts up with me. I am the original grumpy old woman ☹️

Found my people. I need to work on my empathy skills and not jumping in with solutions when people are telling me their worries. It's hard. I guess some self awareness is a good first step.

Self awareness is the first step, a big step

You already got further than many people

I think it’s maybe an effect of the isolation of the pandemic

I feel the same way about myself, I realise I talk too much in all the group WhatsApp chats I’m in too, I’m rarely the one that starts any discussions but it’s like I have to be involved in everything and I can’t leave a message without a response.
I have realised I’m worse with people I’m comfortable with, having just become a mom I’ve found myself with a couple of new “mom friends” and with them I’m a lot more tolerable (I hope).
So I’m trying to take a minute and think what would I say if I was talking to someone “new”

Thanks guys. Nice to know I'm not alone!
Nobody has said I'm annoying but there is this feeling you get from yourself and from other people.

I'm like that, my brain is going stfu, but my mouth is going, nah, it's alright, I've got this one.

Yes, this is what it feels like.

Today we had a thing at work and I met some of my new collegues (started during covid) for the first time and saw a lot of the old ones after a year. I at some point realized that I serisoouly shared too much with people who I don't know and I was at some point the loudest person in the group and cut off a collague twice with something irrelevant. I did apologise for that. Once I realized I started doing that I backtracked so hard that it became weird.

Tihs is not anything new, but I've been much better at keeping it in check. I seriously said something today and then my brain went "why the fuck did you tell that whole thing. seriosuly, nobody cares". And today was not an isolated insidence. Like, what the hell.

I don't know if this is just in my head (the above is not, this might be) but previosuly my sibling 1 used to send texts to our group chat about meeting. Now they are contacting sibling 2 only who then invites me. When we meet up is all starts well and then I get to talking and I notice sibling 1 losing interest. I've told them that it is totally cool for them to meet up without me but sibling 2 insits it will be fun. Sibing 2 invited me again after they had talked, I tried to say again that it is totally cool for them to meet up without me. So i really need to be not annoying the whole weekend for the sake of out relationship! I need to organie a practise playdate or something.

I used to talk a lot through nerves but found that short meditation techniques before helped me to calm down and slow down. I have learnt to listen listen listen a lot more.

I am not good at keeping quiet at home though, that is my next challenge!

This is me too! I definitely talk too much and share too much - I’m trying to be open and friendly. But afterwards I always realise that I talked too much. I also have a tendency to cut people off because i’m trying too hard.
I never know when I’m doing it and then think afterwards “why couldn’t I stop myself”

Aw gawd this sounds familiar to me as well 😂 Nothing useful to add except and

I think I can ramble on sometimes. It reminds me of this that my mum has on the wall in her house.

www.google.com/amp/s/willyandpenn.com/2018/04/15/nuns-prayer/amp/

Seventeenth Century Nun’s Prayer

Lord, thou knowest better than I know myself that I am growing older and will some day be old. Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion. Release me from craving to straighten out everybody’s affairs. Make me thoughtful but not moody; helpful but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom it seems a pity not to use it all, but Thou knowest Lord, that I want a few friends at the end.

Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details; give me wings to get to the point. Seal my lips on my aches and pains. They are increasing and love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by. I dare not ask for grace enough to enjoy the tales of other’s pains, but help me to endure them with patience. I dare not ask for improved memory, but for a growing humility and a lessening cocksureness when my memory seems to clash with the memories of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be mistaken.

Keep me reasonably sweet; I do not want to be a saint-some of them are so hard to live with-but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the Devil. Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places and talents in unexpected people. And, give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so.

Amen.

Was that John Donne?

Or William Blake?

@themuttsnutts
😆😆😆

@alcesalces that's great!

I'm so happy that I'm not alone in this! Going to a bbq tomorrow. Gonna really try to listen and think before opening my mouth and make an effort to not be too much.

I don't think anyone knows who wrote it. But I definitely see myself in it.

@Rewis it's easy not to talk as much at a BBQ just eat a lot!