I haven’t been with DP long, just over a year. Because of covid we obviously haven’t seen his dad and brother much at all and it’s always been outside and very short. I have only been twice. DP gets quite agitated when he is in contact with them, not in a way where he doesn’t want to speak to them, he’s very very close to them after his mum passed when he was a child. But the dynamic is unusual, his older brother lives with his elderly dad and seems a bit controlling.
This morning we went over for a drink in the garden. My DP got up to go to the bathroom and his brother apparently followed him in and asked why he was taking his coat off. DP said because he needed to sit down. Brother apparently went mad saying why can’t you do that in your own house, you shouldn’t be doing that here. Brother was off with us for the rest of the time we were there and then apparently later apologised to DP for the outburst. DP told me he is never allowed to stay there and at Christmas for instance, he has to get a taxi back to his place because his brother doesn’t like him staying. Apparently his brother considers him unclean after he is out and about (DP goes out to work, only in an office!!) but his brother is unemployed and is obsessively clean.
DP said they are very insular and he worries about them. The other night I heard him on the phone apologising for calling ten minutes early which had apparently caused his brother to snap at him. DP was in tears after the call but as soon as his brother text to apologise, he was saying his brother is great again and that all families have things like this?!
I am sure the advice is stay well out of it (and I have so far) but this dynamic is unusual surely? It has concerned me that DP sees it as normal. My family are far from perfect but they wouldn’t be sending me home on new year or Christmas Eve or not allow me to use the bathroom!!