You could almost be me, OP. 2 DSs (not twins, but 20 months apart), both at special school and have Autism. Youngest not long had ADHD dx, so going through meds hurdles, and older just on second stage of waiting list.
I'm completely done atm. Our CAMHS LD Family Support Worker has written to my GP (with my permission) about my depression. DH is stressed with his work being busier than ever - while we're lucky to have it, he hates it, and it causes him extra stress (from people being mindless, selfish wankers) he doesn't need.
I have two older kids too, from a previous relationship, one at uni (who is permanently depressed) and another who's just finished A-levels and pretty much has been at his father's perpetually since lockdown began.
It's not been helped by being highly educated but not able to earn money for years. I have always had a crap immune system, but a 5-year period of being house/bed bound made me do a degree with the OU, in fear of having to give up my well-paid but virtually non-existent work.
So I did that, then a Masters, and two years of producing a film as work experience (a whole other story), and as that all finished, the pandemic hit. So I started a small company while homeschooling - and that's taken up so much time I never have time to write, so I'm probably going to have to strike it off soon. BUT, on the up side, I have a tv pilot that seems to be slowly be going somewhere good.
The house is a shit pit, I can't ever seem to get a full day of washing done, and seem to be rewashing the same load for weeks now, and the youngest is literally driving me mental with stimming snippets of videos and his own stimming noises. To top it off we're currently also down with a horrible throaty shitty virus thing that won't fucking go away.
We dragged ourselves out to go and meet some friends of DH for two hours on BH Monday - (outside, social distanced, we did tell them we were sick, but they wanted to go ahead) - and they moaned about their angelic neurotypical 2 year old girl.
I'm not suicidal, as that would be leaving DH and the kids, and I know I have a lot to be thankful for - we're not rich, but we're not at threat of losing the house, and I sometimes think wtf am I moaning about, but I'm just burnt to a crisp.