This isn’t fair !!!

[Notexactlyfair]

So I’m a SAHM and Dh works part time

I’m responsible for all ‘admin’ everything to do with dc, benefits, bills, hobbies everything plus the household stuff washing etc etc

Dh employed a gardener some years ago and has an accountant plus outsources jobs like getting the car cleaned etc and employed a window cleaner and will get decorators to do painting/builder to do any jobs even small he never does diy etc

I let him know I had booked a cleaner to start this week and he’s said ‘it’s a waste of our money’ and that I should cancel ?? With no solution as to if I do he will do more ??
It’s totally double standards isn’t it ?

Cancel his gardening and his car cleaning tell him.thats a frivolous waste of money

And dont do it for him

Do you discuss these issues beforehand? It seems not from what you've written. I think having a gardener or cleaner should be a joint decision.

Having a window cleaner and accountant isn't really frivolous, is it? I don't know many people who clean the outside of their upstairs windows. Depending on his work, an accountant might be regarded as necessary.

Saying he outsources the car cleaning, gardening and DIY implies that those are his jobs. Is that the case, or would it be that if someone else didn't do them, they would be split between you and your DH?

There's a big difference between fixing a wonky door handle vs hiring a builder to do something.

Exactly. This is my point . He seems to his outsourcing as necessity and mine as frivolity almost !

Only one thing to counter that. Explain to him that now you are taking over the outsourced things (still outsourced of course) and he can take over the cleaning. If he doesn't agree to this, then you can tell him, what he is doing is purely selfish and not a matter of which jobs are important, but who are doing them. His time isn't more important than yours and if you can afford it, he is tight for only tending to his needs.

@TheOrigRights

Do you discuss these issues beforehand? It seems not from what you've written. I think having a gardener or cleaner should be a joint decision.

Having a window cleaner and accountant isn't really frivolous, is it? I don't know many people who clean the outside of their upstairs windows. Depending on his work, an accountant might be regarded as necessary.

Saying he outsources the car cleaning, gardening and DIY implies that those are his jobs. Is that the case, or would it be that if someone else didn't do them, they would be split between you and your DH?

There's a big difference between fixing a wonky door handle vs hiring a builder to do something.

This. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have a cleaner, maybe you should, but there is something a bit odd in the way this is all written as “his” jobs. If he didn’t get the car cleaned, the garden done, the windows washed, then presumably these jobs would fall to both of you on the weekend, as you are busy with the kids full time and he is busy with work full time (with the travel). So why are they “his”’jobs? If you could get past these being “his” jobs and your job being the cleaning then maybe you’d find a way to agree on it all

Just get the cleaner. I was a sahm to two and found it awful trying to get everything done when they were small. It isn’t frivolous and you can afford it so just ignore him.

I think he should do the garden. It is not a daily task, it can be fitted in unless rain gets in the way.

DH knew that continuing with my cleaner was a non-negotiable part of moving in together. He was really not keen at first at the idea of someone being in his 'personal space' but as PP mentioned I insisted and he has been completely won over by the results.

I agree that suggesting you swap and do the jobs that get outsourced and he can do the cleaning is the perfect compromise.

Stick to it, too. Don't let him get away with valuing your contribution as somehow less. For example, I don't really think that it is fair for you to do 'everything DC related ' for a start.

If he can have help, so can you